In the grip of the highest unemployment rate in 26 years, isn't it time to examine why this is the case? Seems to me that we should be able to take some learning from those that are much wiser, much more nimble, and much more learned than these United States. Maybe...Japan...

Opening scene: Japan and America sit at the kitchen table together, sipping hot coffee. America has quite a long face, and stares into its coffee cup longingly.

America: "Gee, I'm in quite a pickle."

Japan: "Well, why's that? Ask me anything, chances are, I've had the experience and know-how to fix the problem. My economy has been evolving for about for a seven hundred years."

Japan: "Except for that one time...when you told me a better method of manufacturing cars and then I took over the auto industry...you were just too slow on that one."

America: "Right, well my people really liked to buy giant cars, and I'd like to forget about that bit because it directly correlates to said pickle."

Japan: "Then don't we want to talk about it?"

America: "No. It'll work itself out."

America: "Anyway, I kinda got a little loose on lending and my banking system lent loads of people money to buy houses and take out home equity loans that they really couldn't afford. And they aren't saving any money for themselves on top of that. Now they've figured it out and aren't spending anything! What do I do?

Japan: "Why the hell didn't you ask me before you got loose on loans, you little tart?"

 America: "I just...I didn't know! I thought I'd be okay! I am immortal you know, since Bretton Woods, the dollar is all powerful."

Japan: "Ugh, yes, that fucked us quite well. Let's save that verbal whipping for another time. I digress..." Queue Disney-ish orchestra for Japan's monologue.

Japan: "You see, America, there once was a time, in the late 1980s when I too got a bit lax on lending. Condo prices in Tokyo rose to exorbitant levels - some of them were available for over a hundred thousand dollars per square foot! People couldn't afford them, eventually got wise to this, stopped saving and stopped spending. You see, that's what happens when you let people spend money that they don't actually have. They do catch on eventually and the repercussions are vast. My dear Nikkei crashed in the early 1990s, never to full recover. I entered a period of great sadness and stagnation called ushinawareta junen. Still, I have yet to fully recover from this. The fact is that my people will never be able to behave the way that they once did, I had let them loose, I had let them run wild with greed and excitement...truly this is not they way human kind may operate. Ultimately, I had to give free cash to some of my companies that were too big to fall, some economists called me a 'a losers' paradise' for this. I only began to lift, albeit a slight and slow lift, from this recession when I stopped giving free money to these low-lifes and suffered my own consequences."

Japan looks at America, America is slumped over its chair drooling.

Japan: "Wake up you asshole! I'm trying to give you a road map to success! Learn the lessons I didn't have, from me, NOW! And you'll be a hero!"

America: "Huh wah, ahhhhhh! It's time for Dancing with the Stars! Hey, but before I go, I've got all these cars I need to get rid of...you want some?"

Japan: "No, I make my own, and they're better. Y'know, you might try to stop outsourcing and make some of your own goods on your own soil. Service economies don't typically survive without massive inflation."

America: "That's cool, but um, it sounds hard. I think some of the companies I gave loads of free money too are going to start hiring people again, what do you think?"

Japan: "I don't think that's gonna work. They've learned to operate on a leaner staff, that makes their shareholders happy, they aren't going to hire anyone back unless you force jobs to be created for them - like manufacturing jobs."

America: "My people like to sit at desks and make jokes about sitting at desks."

Japan: "Stop outsourcing."

America: "Mmm...maybe next year. I'll think about it."

Japan: "You'll learn why this is important when you're older."

America: "Whatever, you don't know me."

America flips hair and rolls eyes.

Japan: "Fine, you think that. Some day, we'll be best of friends."

America: "I'm gonna go play with China, later dork."

Japan: "I'm gonna go study world economic history and geopolitics for a while. History always repeats itself."

 The curtain closes.