Let’s be honest--women are complicated.  It’s as true for our eroticism as it is for our emotions.  Sometimes no matter what men do, the thrill flickers and then it’s gone. They take the familiar route, but inexplicably, this time the clitoris is the ridge to nowhere.

 Bringing a woman to orgasm can be a lot like putting together an Ikea cabinet.  You start out with lots of pieces and minimal instructions. It’s all supposed to work, but often you end up with some leftover mystery parts and a wobbly surface. If you want sex that’s mutually satisfying, be prepared to mute the male pride button and ASK FOR DIRECTIONS.  Remember:

 1.  You hold the key but every lock is different.

            It would be lovely if women came equipped with a sophisticated navigation system, but sorry fellas, you’re on your own.  We’ve got pretty complicated niche marketing down there that’s influenced by a host of hormones. Sometimes our little baton stands at attention and other times it’s an erotic illusionist. Now you see it, now you don’t. And unless you’re into role-playing Captain Ahab and Moby Dick, echolocation is really not a viable option. That’s why questioning and listening are the two most underrated components of sex.  Put away your blunt objects for a bit and pay attention.  I’m not talking about the patter of an overly enthusiastic sports commentator (Joe comes up the middle, OH God, it’s the pick and roll, Yes, Yes, YESSS!)  A simple, Does this feel good?” will suffice.             

2.  Gentlemen, start your engines.

            Just when you think that the embers have died and you’re at risk for carpal tunnel syndrome, something shifts.  Lust resurfaces and demands to fed. Pretty soon the stifled yawn turns into a swooning moan.  The flicker of interest morphs into fizzling scarlet that blurs everything but the white heat of the moment.  It can happen, so eavesdrop on a woman’s pulse and be at the ready.

3. Feel first; think later.

            I know that this is counterintuitive to most men, but to be a great lover you need to put aside the reasoning and add some seasoning.  The clitoris is a complete universe where sensations and desires stream.  Trying to “penetrate” it with the spike of logic is pointless.  Our pleasure dome is too mutable an empire for that.  If you mentally try to untangle our erotic aqueduct, you’ll get dizzy from the effort.  Relax, focus on sensory clues and cues, and give in to the mystery. 

4. Embrace the detours

             If you’re lost and she suggests an alternate route, take it.  You could just be surprised by the results of your newfound talents.  Embrace them and remember, you can insert yourself into a vagina, but sometimes all you get for your efforts is a dial tone.  Follow her lead. Novelty can ignite the senses and waken sensuality from its slumber. 

 Now for enlightened OS readers, this will all seem obvious. But trust me.  There are plenty of men who hear the sound of wet laundry flapping in the wind and think, “Now that’s what great sex sounds like.”  These are same men who take a few laps around the track and declare victory.  Who want more Punch and less Moody, and who belittle an honest outpouring of words caring only about their own geyser.  More’s the pity.