What people say they want and what they really want are usually two different things.

A man who tells me that I'm the best lover he's ever had.

I would answer publically, but I fear anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law...

I would think Lederhosen and knee socks would be higher on the bad list.

You'd see that coming way faster than hypochondria..

@Traigus, A copy of DSM-1v and a portable blood pressure machine are pretty easy to spot.

A woman's smile. Not her ordinary smile, her "yes I want you" smile.

Hair. I am generally not a fan of short hair on women.

Friendliness. If a woman plays hard to get, she's probably not worth getting.

Competence and brains: While I enjoy being the hero as much as the next gut, I like people I can learn things from. People who know things and have had experiences that I haven't had.

This list could go on and on.

Thank you for writing this and getting me thinking, Athena.

I set down to think about it for a bit and started writing in my own blog because I figured I might get a little wordy. Lists are tough, but I got a few ideas out. I'd be happy to interview with you at any time.

http://open.salon.com/blog/dicea/2009/07/13/sexy_is_as_sexy_does

What I find sexy can vary depending on any number of things going on in my life and my state of mind. Just recently I was reading an email from a new friend, just a getting to know you kind of thing. Talking about books and personality tests and nothing sexual at all. Then he wrote "Wow! I could go on for pages." and I was just turned on beyond belief at the idea of someone being willing to really talk to me. So much so that I dreamt about him all night long and the dreams were so nice I didn't want to wake up from them. So.... a definition of sexy is definitely subjective and the level of attention and affection starved a person is can certainly change the rules.

Oh, me likey #7 on your turn-on list.

Hmmm. I'm gonna get back to you on this...

Well, it's a woman's list, so I'll just have to memorize it. Rated

Brains, tenderness, and thoughtfulness.

and soft eyes.

Sorry I couldn't get to 10.

1. Real
2. Unpretentious
3. Open
4. Passionate about something (not in a sexual way but about something in life)
5. Comfortable in "their own skin"
6. Smart
7. Assertive
8. Playful doesn't take life too seriously
9. Sensuous and sensual
10. Natural

Put all those together and that's one incredibly sexy lady. I found her and married her

I don't know if I can get to 10 but here goes.
1. An intelligent man who will discuss anything with me because I want to learn about everything.
2. A man who will look me in the eye and seduce me without saying a word.
3. If he thinks about me when we're not together and lets me know.
4. Tender kisses.
5. Has a sense of humor and will laugh with me.
6. A man who isn't afraid to argue with me and enjoy the make up sex.
7. Playing out fantasies.
8. A man who will fight for me, not physically but emotionally.
9. I find confidence to be very sexy I guess because I lack it so much.
10. Laying in each others arms and listening to music either before or after sex.

I made it but if you ask me tomorrow I'll probably think something else.

Biggest turn off
Dishonesty!

Attitude and personality makes (or doesn't make) someone sexy. Confidence minus arrogance is a huge plus. Gender and physical attributes are, for the most part, of little consequence.

It's all in the eyes.

A truly great smile.

I think you and I came from the same embryo. But I would definitely like to think about this some more and expand on this.

2 more that also relate to my wife:
Smart
Flawed--we always seek the perfect, unflawed diamond but when we have it all we can do is look at the pretty geegaw which is useless. Flawed is what makes us truly human.

Lederhosen without socks are even worse (but not socks without lederhosen, unless short and mismatched, the socks that is; oh, forget it!).

To my mind, there's sexy and then there's appealing. They're closely related but not the same thing. Sexy is in the moment, appealing is more long term.

Sexy is that glint in a man's eye, and the slow smile spreading across his face. It's the way a shirt stretches across his shoulders. The way his natural scent makes me think of rumpled bedsheets (and how they got rumpled) and a million and three other things.

I'd put stuff like intelligence, curiosity, thoughtfulness, playfulness and all that good stuff into the category of appealing. They are the things that make someone worth keeping around.

I think there are short term turn offs and longer term ones too. I find men without rhythm terribly unsexy, but not actually a dealbreaker in a relationship. Stuff like poor hygiene, closemindedness, and cockiness are definite turn offs though.

One thing that I really love is that oh, so gentle trace of an unexpected touch. For me, it is as if the wind just caressed some part of my body. (On the other hand, I despise a groper. The song "I Puke in My Mouth" just entered my head.)

I lose all interest in a man who talks, talks, talks, talks, talks (takes a breath), talks, talks, talks, talks... (Therefore, I love a confident solitude in a man.)

Something tells me I'll be going back and forth on this thought all night.

To get at "what is sexy" start with removing language. What is sexy when there is no language? Availability. Opportunity. Not too ugly, not too stinky, serviceable.
Still in the domain of no-language, what characteristics would urge one to engage in sex despite threats of punishment by the intended's 'owner' or by the group? That could reveal what is sexy outside language--that which compels coupling despite fear.
Now, return to language. Sexy in the language mind is something more than availability and opportunity. One poster points to our vulnerability to seduction by people we know are wrong for us. Wrong how? If the seducer is available, then without language, they aren't 'wrong'--unless our 'owner' would take retribution for sex with the seducer.
That poster points to an important element of the definition of sexy: we can't define sexy because a lot of the attributes are non-language, seduction just seems to happen to us.
These attributes of sexy that seem undefinable are not all non-language. Some attributes come from fantasies and ideals we have not examined. When examined, these ideals lose their power. Unexamined, they are as powerful as biological instincts.
Well . . . gotta go to work.

11. pure, joyful enthusiasm for giving pleasure.

Last night my husband was sitting on the couch next to me, holding our two-month old granddaughter out in front of him, talking to her, bouncing her, and and making her smile. It was incredibly sexy to me.

That might seem kind of weird in the context of your book, though :)

Alright, I've given you 7 hours to tell me i'm off-topic.
Consider this: to a hungry woman, or to a woman with hungry kids, any gentle man with a bag of food is very sexy.
Or as the recent poster put it: to a mother with an infant, a committed man who will help care for and support that infant, is very sexy.
Thus, to women basic sexy is transactional. To men, basic sexy is availability--and not too "too".
Advanced sexy gets more complicated. To a woman who doesn't need anything from a man, she knows she has a seller's market: what she has to offer has way more buyers than sellers. There are a few men with this advantage: celebrities and the extraordinarily good looking. For most men, what they have to offer is in great supply with a small market for it.
Now, what is sexy to women who need nothing from men?
Biology dictates that power, money, strength & grace & looks, and/or egregiousness are sexy.
Any particular woman's collection of fantasies and ideals will determine sexyness after that.
But those fantasies and ideals are tokens of the biological attractions. "Generous" = powerful. "Gentle" or "Confident" = strength.
Then there's the biggest fantasy of all: that I am special, unique, desirable. (Actually, I believe we all are all those things and suffer in the illusion that we are not, thus making us seduceable.) One poster says, "A man who tells me that I'm the best lover he's ever had." Anyone who can give another credible reasons to believe he/she is unique, special, desirable, "THE ONE" is sexy. Very sexy. Being given the privilege to provide that to another, and having it believed instead of merely priming a bottomless suck, is also sexy

These are all so fantastic. I'm indebted and revising my list.