A LAGNIAPPE

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Gabby Abby

Gabby Abby
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I've had most of the jobs ~ daughter, student, wife, parent, employee, business owner and now once again, job seeker ~ but I'm still looking forward to lottery winner, retiree and regular blogger. Email welcome at gabbyabby.jax@gmail.com

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MARCH 3, 2013 1:50PM

The Four Agreements

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Don Miguel Ruiz has had a remarkable life, and two deaths already.  He left his chosen field of medicine to live his story and his writings have become a pivotal point of light in my life. They sound simple, but now I know simplicity is the essence of all existence and beneath the simplest of thoughts are the most complex challenges.

I ponder, every day almost, on the ways in which these intentional acts help make my life full of all I was born to experience. So simple, and should be as natural as breathing, but they aren't.  I can only aspire. 

Agreement:  Be impeccable with your word

This has to do with what you say, including what you write in your private moments. Have a keen sense of what it is you intend to say and determine how you want to say it.  It is the energy you release into the world. 

It has to do with your commitments to time, "I'll do it at 1:00", as well as the commitments you make to yourself, "I'm going to walk for an hour 3 days a week".

It's also much more than doing what you say you are going to do.

It's dumping the lies you have told yourself about your life, and about yourself as a person. "I'm old and ugly".  A lie. "This happened to me and now I'm broken".  A lie.

Be very aware of all I am statements and off-hand comments you make -- especially those you hold silently, "I am unworthy".  Another lie.

The human being is the only animal on earth that lies to itself and punishes 1000 times for the same mistake. Everytime we remember what was said or done, we punish again. Love yourself enough to forgive for what has happened. Move on. 

Agreement: Don't take anything personally

You are never responsible for the voluntary actions or thoughts of other people. You can let the energy of others go right by you. You are responsible for what you say; you are not responsible for what others understand or think -- even when it's about you or directed at you. Be centered in yourself.

Make sure you do not allow other people to put their life, feelings, responsibilities on you ~ let it slide off.  Don't make it personal. It's not about you -- it's about them.

Taking it personally makes it about you, a good example of the ultimate form of self-centeredness. What happens outside of you has nothing to do with you.  You are not obligated to any one elses feelings or beliefs. We can say, "You live your life. I'm living mine." Let it slide by as you move on.

You are the only one who gets to say who you are. You are life, you are a human, you are alive. Beyond that, it becomes difficult to say anything more as we are mutable changelings, nothing stays the same about us for long. Who we are is not for others to decide. We are, and that is enough.

When faced with the emotions and judgements of another, the only response we can have is that it is about them. We can say aloud, "That is how you feel, but not everybody thinks the same way you do."  We can respect the need everyone has to express themselves but we do not have to agree or accept the expression as truth.  We all stand in our own truth. 

We can accept our own perfection.

Agreement:  Don't make assumptions

This allows us to be more in the moment and not in our heads. Don't create drama around the stories you tell yourself about your situation, or about another person.  You don't need reasons.

We make assumptions because we don't have the courage to step away from our thoughts about things. It is our attempt to control what we are processing and to make sense of the world and other people.

All the sadness and drama we have created in our life is a result of taking things personally and making assumptions.  We assume others should know how we feel, know what we need, believe as we do and understand what we say in the way we want them to. People do not think as we do, so they can not possibly behave as we wish.

Know what you want to communicate, then choose the clearest way to relay it. Work on learning to say what you mean. Be responsible with your communication and use questions to clarify what it is others are saying.

Assumptions deny us the opportunity to fully experience ourselves. We must step away from the internal dialogue that is making assumptions for us. Then are we free.

Agreement:  Always do your best

We have wonderful ideas, but until we put those into action they are just ideas. When we do our best, everything is brighter. We feel the love and the light inside. We are released from fear and regret when we do our best.

Some days 'best' is just getting out of bed. Some days we will be up and running, spreading joy to the world. Either way, when we know in our deepest being that we are doing the best we can, no matter what that looks like to anyone else, it takes an enormous amout of weight off of our mind, soul, and spirit.

We are able to enjoy life in whatever state we are in.

My favorite agreement is this last one. It meets me where I am.

 

 

 

 

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Sending another child into the feed today. One of the things I really enjoy at other writing sites is spell check. Feel free to coment on all erors and mispelings, and I'll fix 'em for ya. OS can't help with that.
It's that last one that always gets me. If can get away with "always try..." ;)
Lovely ideas. So many religions offer some version of these ideas, before things get rigid and controlling.

I'm not a Buddhist, but subscribe to a few of the premises, perhaps the most overarching, that thoughts are just mind discharge, similar to farts, and not to be believed. In practicing a dedicated daily sitting, over time, it becomes clearer how this happens; I can actually feel how a fart and a thought share their origins in the same body container, just different locales. Viewing a thought like a fart makes it funny, and more easily laughed at until it evaporates, which is perhaps one reason the Buddha is always smiling: he just let one!
Everything written here originated as thoughts. If thoughts are just mind-farts, then so is this....... no?

Even so, one has to admit that some thoughts are more interesting than others.... and these are definitely in that category.

Interesting......!
;-)
R
.
These are good.

Mah nishtanah ha'agreement hazeh miKol ha agreementot?

Loosely mistranslated: How is this agreement different from all other agreements?
I read this book some years ago and figured it could have been a one page book - the 4 items, not even expanded upon. Common sense. I was a little turned off (well, a lot turned off) by his attributing them to the Aztecs or one of those outfits that were into ripping out hearts. But I'm the crabby veteran of many a self-help pop-psychology tome.
Pretty much works for me.
Bell - you are far better at this than I am, especially that last one. I still haven't painted the cabinets b/c I'm not ready to try to do my best. Not even close.

GHeron and Skypixie, absolutely. These are 4 simple ideas that are cross-bred through many humanistic philosophical writings and practices. I don't keep complicated ideas and ways of being in my head anymore. These spoke to me from a place of simplicity, something I can remember and apply day to day.

Thoughts are definitely just passing through and are not something I attach importance to. I like the concept of intention, the awareness behind thoughts, operating in a limitless field of energy that carries within in all of the intelligence of the universe - a higher level of consciousness is at my disposal. These 4 intentions (agreements) come from that place and help direct me to becoming a better person—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and creatively.

Kosher - indeed?

Myriad, I see many unhappy people and they are stumbling over things that can be seen through a clearer lens if only they had new glasses. These are my glasses.
I'm glad you've got this philosophy to light your way. I always have a problem with the not being responsible for other people's actions. My dad's a big believer in that, but I can't help but think that while sure, you're not responsible for the basic way someone is or behaves, you definitely can affect their attitude and actions - even just by smiling at someone you pass on the street, you create (usually) a positive response and a good feeling. No man is an island. But I know that's not the point, and if I continue to think that's the point, I'll continue to be a push-over till the day I die.... Food for thought. Thanks for this.
I agree with the four agreements. Observing and processing our surroundings is a challenge, but necessary. Everyone is in search of their personal comfort zone. R.
I just found this book a while ago. Still so powerful for me I can barely read a page without my head exploding with possibility.
Thanks for diving backwards into some of my older stuff CG ~ I like to go into other folks archives when I want to amuse myself with some good writing. Bellwether Vance makes me laugh like no one else and the girl is incapable of writing a bad word. Besides, I usually get a recipe out of it! I've listed some of my favorites in my LeftHand column here if you'd like some suggestions for a good read.