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First, there is no such thing as poverty. Just get that myth out of your head right now! If you really, really, have nothing to… Read full post »

  This Complicated Beast Has But One Message.

Yesterday I was at Borders, the bookstore, because I needed to use the toilet, and I saw this book there, What Your Horse Wants You To Know.

It wasn’t a… Read full post »

Job interviews are worse than doing stand-up comedy because at least in stand-up, some of the audience is drunk.

 (To Hear the new Audio Version, scroll to the end or click here:

Watch this episode )

Dear People-Who-Just-Interviewed-Me-This-Afternoon,

You wer… Read full post »

  30 Questions that may help you decide

 I know how it is. Sometimes you’re in a hurry, and you do… Read full post »

How far would you go?

Residents of Los Angeles don’t know quite what to make of 28-year-old Jeremy Michaels  -- it’s been eight months since the native Rhode Islander moved into a Redondo Beach condo, and he still doesn’t have a car.

    &nbs… Read full post »

Please Don’t Shoot the Messenger

  "Rule Number Four:  Ignore the signs. "

If you don’t live in Los Angeles, you will feel that some of what follows is shocking, depraved, immoral, dangerous, ugly and morally bankrupt. You’re right.… Read full post »

Why are all the cars named after something stupid?

“ When did we run out of good names for cars?  I remember when cars were named after real things, things you could see, like animals: The Mustang, the Cougar, the Barracuda, the Pinto . . .… Read full post »

Thousands Stranded as Rhode Island Enacts Tough Immigration Laws

In a surprise move that shocked the White House, the  state of Rhode Island passed the toughest immigration laws in the nation late Thursday night.  Not only has Rhode Island  made it a felony un… Read full post »

  A Little Stroll Down Memory Lane -- Watch Your Step!

"What better way to gain the respect of your peers than to dry your own waste,  grate it with a cheese grater  and carry it around it in a sandwich bag!"

I… Read full post »

After 63 years, they still suck.

 Today I put a piece of chicken in the microwave for like three minutes and I swear to God, when I took it out the plastic lid was melting, ok? Melting! I practically got 3rd degree burns… Read full post »

From the Weird but True Department :

 http://jobview.usajobs.gov/GetJob.aspx?JobID=87098521 

 Dear NASA:

Thank you for considering my resume for the super way-cool Extra-Galactic Astrophysicist position!

First, let me tell you how excited I am to learn… Read full post »

Ladies and Gentlemen, 

May I Present,

The Nouveau Poor . . . .

 Jenna and Michael Newcastle were typical newlyweds, paying back their graduate school loans, planning for children and working hard to pay off the more than $45,000 they charged on their credit cards… Read full post »

12 Things I Could Really Live Without

1. The Irish.  I've had it with the so-called "Irish." That ridiculous accent. That phony red hair. The terrible whiskey. The fatuous writers. The IRA. U2. Shamrocks. Leprechauns. Pierce Brosnan. Father Ted. The next time I want to visit someo… Read full post »

Why Does Google Maps Give Me Directions to Earth?

You know how when you are looking for directions somewhere and you are using Google Maps, and you type in the whole friggin' address –  I mean the whole thing, the whole stupid effing thing, “4356 Monte Vista Blvd, Albuquerque… Read full post »

Just Sit Down!

Dear Lady-in-the-Toilet-Who-Made-Us-All-Wait-While-You-Covered-the Entire-Earth-with Toilet-Paper,

Just sit down already!

I don’t know how else to put it. Your ass is not a food preparation table. No one is going to eat a Cobb salad off your butt.  The State He… Read full post »

30 Questions that may help you decide

                   The Busy Person’s Guide to Indoctrination

I know how it is. Sometimes you’re in a hurry, and you don’t really ha… Read full post »

Fascination

            Things fascinate me that probably shouldn't.  My head is full of questions like, “Hey! What’s in that poop?”  or “I wonder why that guy  isn’t wearing any pants… Read full post »

Insubordination

 I hate to follow rules -- any kind of rules. But I hate to take risks, too,  so I get my thrills breaking rules that nobody cares about.   I wear my sweaters inside-out.  When the price of a stamp… Read full post »

In October of 2009, the world was informed that a Russian circus bear on ice skates had attacked and killed a man in Kyrgyzstan -- his trainer. According to news reports, it was “unclear what caused the bear to attack.” 

I know what caused the bear to… Read full post »

            Sometimes I like to reminisce about the good old days, when people went out together on horrible and humiliating blind dates set up by their well-meaning but idiotic friends instead of going out on horrible and humiliating bli… Read full post »

You win some, you lose some, you find some confusing.

Once upon a time there was a normal human girl who lived in an ordinary duplex with two somewhat dimwitted dogs and an even dimmer-witted boyfriend.  Life was flowing along as it does, with most days taken up… Read full post »

 Photographs from the 2009 Vintage BMW Show in Van Nuys, Ca.  These cars are all pre-1985, with most from the 1970's.

Maroon with Small Hat, 2009

 Pickle!, 2009

 Target, 2009

 Deutschland, 2009

 Always a Wi… Read full post »

It was me versus the chair, and the chair won.

You know how sometimes in books, the author will describe someone, usually a woman, how she walks, how she moves, and he'll say, "She had the natural, easy movements of a dancer, each step deliberate and graceful, each move of her… Read full post »

At least in stand-up, some of the audience is drunk.

Dear People-Who-Just-Interviewed-Me-This-Afternoon,

You weren’t the only ones taking notes.

Don’t for a minute think that I didn’t notice that all three of you were clearly miserable.  … Read full post »

men, not hunting, but

gathering, their baskets full

of nuts and bearings