Open Salon asked:  What makes being a State Trooper in Alaska more challenging? 

Aunty once new a dashing young accountant who up and moved from Miami, Florida to Fairbanks, Alaska.  WHY???

Huntin'.  Fishin'.  Snowmobilin'.  Bush dwellin'.

Alas, the on… Read full post »

Dear Aunt Mabel,

I'm pregnant with my third child.  We named the first two children after classical music composers.  My husband, a pianist, wants to continue the tradition.  He favors Franz or Maria.  I want something more contemporary like Jayden or Madison.  How can I… Read full post »

Dear Aunt Mabel,

I won twenty dollars in the lotto.  What should I do with this miraculous windfall? - A

Darling,

Alas, Aunty rarely buys lottery tickets because the odds of winning are not statistically different from zero. 

Occasionally I splurge when the jackpot is in the… Read full post »

Egad!  The alarm has been sounded!

I would have waited until foodie Tuesday, but this news is vital and time is of the essence:  the Kellogg company has issued a warning about an impending shortage in supply of Eggo waffles.  

Apparently production at&… Read full post »

OS has asked who would be my sexiest man alive for 2009.  May I present Aunty's candidates, in no particular order:

1.  Hockey Star. Shag-O-Meter rating: 8

Sidney Crosby is the marquis player for Stanley Cup winning Pittsburgh Penguins.  What's more, he's generally considered a nice gu… Read full post »

Dear Aunt Mabel,

I KNOW you love "Dancing With The Stars".  You're crazy!  "So You Think You Can Dance" is SO much better.  Explain yourself?  - N

Darling,

Dancing With The Stars is fun.  It doesn’t pretend to be anything else.  In fact, "fun" may the the most… Read full post »

As a full time mother and type A personality, I have standards for my performance.  I've always been a goal oriented achiever, and my endeavors in motherhood are no exception.

When I think of successful moms, I often consider June Cleaver, Carol Brady, and Jane Jetson.&nb… Read full post »

 This December 25th will be Aunty's son's second Christmas.  Last year he was a newborn  and oblivious to the holiday season.  At that time, his primary interest was the 24/7 breast milk buffet.  This year he's more sophisticated.  He now appears to … Read full post »

 A few months ago I'd never heard of Lady GaGa.  Now she seems to be everywhere.   Unless you're Amish, there's no way you haven't heard of her.

At the root of Gaga's popularity is her sexually charged pop music. The lyrics are too risque for Aunty's tas… Read full post »

Dear Aunt Mabel,

My step-sister gave me a bottle of white zinfandel for Christmas last year.  I enjoyed drinking it and have always thought her quite knowledgeable about wine.  I read your post, “White Sinfandel is Easy and Cheap”, and am wondering whether I should feel insulted… Read full post »

Dear Aunt Mabel,

What kind of toaster would you have if you didn't use a toaster oven? - C 

Darling, 

Aunty loves a crispy slice of toast and is fascinated by the astonishing array of appliances made to produce it.   I have a small collection of toasters prominently displayed… Read full post »

I am learning that we are living in a disposable society.  Everything is a consumable and made with built-in obsolescence.  Some products even render themselves useless before going into service.  Here is the perfect example:  home safety “baby proofing” products.… Read full post »

Dear Aunt Mabel,

I enjoyed your post about unusual holiday gifts.  Unfortunately, none of those items are appropriate for my in-laws.  These people are stinking rich and have everything, yet we’re expected to figure out a precious and innovative gift for them every year.  Because… Read full post »

Dear Aunt Mabel,

I’m tired of exchanging the same old gift cards with my siblings at Christmas.  This year I want to give them something totally different without breaking the bank.   Any ideas? - M

Darling,

There are only 48 shopping days left until Christmas.  Fear not,&nb… Read full post »

 Dear Aunt Mabel,

It's Movember and men around the world are obsessing with moustaches in the name of "charity". The guys at work, my cousin-in-law, all of them is fine, no  problem. However, my steady beau growing handlebars is far to much. How do I get him to shave off the… Read full post »

 Dear Aunt Mabel,

I enjoy drinking White Zinfandel.  Not that I much care what others think, but does this make me appear cheap? - B

Darling,

Aunty is a firm believer that where you live, what you wear, what you eat and what you drink are all firm reflections of your… Read full post »

Not since Vancouver Canuck hockey star Trevor Linden got married have there been so many fair damsels weeping from heartbreak.   The  news today is that  Conservative Member of Parliament Peter MacKay is engaged and officially off the market.

Peter Mackay's private… Read full post »

The prey is innocent, undeserving, weak and defenseless.  It is wary of the beast in the woods who strikes in broad daylight, dragging its convulsing victims through the undergrowth back to its den.

The beast is watching, skulking, perching, posing, pondering fate.  Is inevit… Read full post »

 Dear Aunt Mabel,

When I take a bottle of wine to a dinner party, I have chosen it hoping to actually share in its drinking with my friends.  Are the hosts not obligated to open wine that is brought by their guests? - L

Darling,

If you take a bottle of… Read full post »

 Dear Aunt Mabel,

I'm going through a really bad breakup with my ex-boyfriend.  I want to get even with him for his lying, stealing and cheating ways.  What's the best way to do this without ending up in jail? - S

Darling,

There are many stories of creative folks who find r… Read full post »

 Dear Aunt Mabel,

I'm engaged to a wonderful woman.  I am certain that I want to marry her and can't imagine spending the rest of my life without her in it.     However, I want to discuss the possibility of developing an open relationship once we're married a… Read full post »

 Dear Aunt Mabel,

Why are the size 8 jeans at the GAP enormous on me, yet the size 10 department store brand jeans I bought  fit perfectly?  Dress sizes are always spot on, but I can’t seem to find any consistency in jeans.  I thought North American pant sizes were st… Read full post »

  Dear Aunt Mabel,

Who is Joe Wilson and why should I care that his wife has swine flu?  It must be important as it was a CNN headline... - R 

Darling,

Joe Wilson's wife has swine flu.  Indeed, CNN felt this was such important breaking news that it warranted repea… Read full post »

Ring ring.  Ring ring.

"Yeah. Chico. You got what I need? 

Mm hmm. Yup.  Yeah, that's right.

But make it thicker this time, you know what I mean. Don't cheap out on me.  I don't want none of that weak stuff.  And make sure its good and warm.

No, dude, bring… Read full post »

It’s been said that a picture’s worth a thousand words.  This is absolutely true, but the thousand words may tell a story of fact or fiction.

For example, Open Salon’s cover occasionally includes an ad for the latest fad, the acai berry diet.  The ad shows the following p… Read full post »