Dear Aunt Mabel,

I KNOW you love "Dancing With The Stars".  You're crazy!  "So You Think You Can Dance" is SO much better.  Explain yourself?  - N

Darling,

Dancing With The Stars is fun.  It doesn’t pretend to be anything else.  In fact, "fun" may the the most prevalently said word on DWTS every episode.

Admittedly, Aunty is in the mature demographic that DWTS caters to.  The young ‘uns tell me that So You Think You CanDance is a more legitimate reality dance program.  However, SYTYCD is missing a few key entertaining features that DWTS consistently delivers.  Here they are:

1. Unparalleled glitz and glamour

The custom-made costumes on DWTS are miraculous, body-hugging, shape-shifting works of genius.   Where else will you see a man shake his booty in pants with tassles?   Fascinating!  Three pictures are worth three thousand words.

2. Judge Bruno Tonioli’s exuberance and energy, including colourful language such as:

"You look like a crazy bear lost in a swamp.”

“Do you have extra batteries in your pants?”

"You tried to be a lady, but you're more comfortable being a tramp."

"It was a little bit like watching Kung Fu Panda dance the Samba in the Planet of the Apes"

I just can’t wait to see what he’ll say next! 

3. Eye candy

Allow me to present Exhibit 1:  Actor, Gilles Marini, runner up last season.  Hot hot hot!  What was even hotter was that his wife (also pretty smokin')was regularly in attendance in the audience.

Exhibit 2: Professional dancer, Derek Hough.  This cutie tends to be paired with babes, making for sweet eye candy every outing.  Just look at him with this foxy swimsuit model!!!  

Exhibit 3: Steve-O.  Ok, so he's not exactly sexalicious, but it was still pretty engaging to try to decode his tattoos last season.  I noticed he has the phrase "I have a small weiner," on his arm, that somehow missed the blur-machine.  Let's see SYTYCD top that for entertainment!

  

4. DWTS doesn’t take itself too seriously.  For example, the results show often includes a feature called "Dancecenter" with Kenny Mayne and Jerry Rice.  Always hilarious!

A couple of seasons ago DWTS included skits by Jimmy Kimmel entitled “Dance Along at Home”. 

5. Impressive band.  The Harold Wheeler Band turns out authentic, note perfect live music every single week.   No cheap "queue music" recordings on this show!

6. Violence free programming with a positive attitude

I’ve never heard anyone on DWTS disrespect or speak negatively about any other competitors.  It’s all about hard work, doing their best and having fun.  In fact, everything about DWTS is optimism, work ethic, and feel-good attitude. 

Better yet, though there’s always an injury or two every season, I’ve yet to see any blood spurting, decapitations, mangled bodies or knifings on this show.  DWTS is perfectly safe to play in front of my son and is good wholesome family entertainment.

Arguably Cloris Leachman, Tom “The Hammer” DeLay and Steve Wozniak were pretty frightening entries on the show.  However, their longevity as contestants could be reasoned as their personalities added a certain je ne sais quoi inspiration that viewers even greyer than me must have appreciated.

7. Wit and charm from the host, Tom Bergeron

Tom Bergeron’s pithy off the cuff quips are humorous and well-timed.  He’s witty, warm without smarm and impeccably attired.  He never out-glams or towers over the contestants. His nose is straight.

8. Results shows with guest artists who are actually interesting and talented.  This season alone has featured Shakira, Norah Jones, Susan Boyle and Michael Buble.

9. Gossip and scandal off the dance floor.  Here are three examples:

• Professional dancer Cheryl Burke gained a reputation as an alleged homewrecker, reputedly having a tryst with the very married  DWTS star Drew Lachey when the two were partnered for a season
• Derek Hough and celebrity Shannon Elizabeth had a relationship thanks to their pairing on the program.
• Sabrina Ryan and pro Mark Ballas supposedly had a steamy affair, with the two occasionally caught in a quick nuzzle on the show

10.  G rated man on man action

Where else would it be possible to see Mormon Donny Osmond dip the effusive judge, Bruno Tonioli ???  Last I checked, I’m pretty sure the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints frowned on this sort of thing. 

There you have it:  10 reasons to love DWTS more than the uber-pretentious SYTYCD.  I will be tuning in forevermore. 

Please send your inquiries to auntmabel@hotmail.com