Dear Aunt Mabel,

 I caught my husband having a sexy "chat" with one of his facebook friends.  I'm hurt and angry, but the reasonable side of me isn't sure if online flirting constitutes infidelity. Except for this incident he has always been a wonderful husband.  What do you think?  - S

Darling,

Men enjoy sexual intrigues and the internet offers a cornucopia of opportunities.   Pictures, video, audio, chat and flirtatious titillation are all free for the internet connection.  Social networking sites in particular offer a vast array of connections.

An article in the UK's Telegraph recently suggested that Facebook is a factor in divorce.  Here is a quote:

'One law firm, which specialises in divorce, claimed almost one in five petitions they processed cited Facebook.

Mark Keenan, Managing Director of Divorce-Online said: “I had heard from my staff that there were a lot of people saying they had found out things about their partners on Facebook and I decided to see how prevalent it was I was really surprised to see 20 per cent of all the petitions containing references to Facebook.

“The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to.”'

Let's be clear on one fact:  Facebook does not cause divorce.   Cheating sleazebags do.

 

^{Photo credit: Jay Kern}

Men like porn.  Men like variety.  Marriage, children and the obligations of family often put a damper on these pleasures for both genders.  This is why websites facilitating affairs like "Ashley Madison" and singles networks with "erotic encounter" communities are thriving.  It is also why social networking sites are cited in divorce petitions.

It is never acceptable to cheat on a spouse.  Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is all very well, but not at the cost of injury to one's partner or family. What constitutes cheating is a matter of opinion and you have every right to form your own and stand by it.

Marriage partners should strive to fulfill each other's needs.  Nobody has a duty to endure hurtful behaviour.   Your husband should be communicating with you if he has needs that aren't being met.  Failing that, he should at least have the courtesy of discretion.

A sincere discussion with your husband as to what is on his mind is probably a good starting point.  If he chooses to lie to you, unfortunately there is not much you can do about it.  I'd suggest selecting a line of conversation that is less confrontational than inquisitive and sympathetic.   Chances are good he's just dabbling in keyboard sexcitement, but if there's a genuine problem then best to nip it in the bud early.

Please send your inquiries to auntmabel@hotmail.com