Arlyn is my 6 year old Grandson.  He IS the love of my life...well after my Husband, Rick.

We have started the paper work to obtain guardianship.  Why not.  Arlyn's been with us since he was just a month old.  Sometimes, I just want to be a GRANDMA, so I have a Granddaughter, Zoe also age 6 years.  But I don't think I walk the tight rope between Mom and GrandMom very well. I think it confuses Zoe and Arlyn.  Heck it confuses me too.

It's funny, all I EVER wanted was to be was a Mom.  But at age 53, do I STILL want that.  Most of the time, sure but sometimes, I just want to go, to be..just for me.  I've NEVER thought of myself as selfish.  When I'm shopping the first thing that comes to mind is EVERYONE else. 

What THEY need what THEY want.

But lately, I've started wanting "things" for me.  I looked into school.  Medical Billing/Coding or Accounting.  Looking was about as far as I got.  Money and time. 

Money: if I don't carry X amount of credits(classes), I don't think I can get financing.

Time:  10am - 3pm...Monday thru Friday.  I've thought about evening classes.

Of course, there's the transperation thing to consider too.

I've always been shy and never sure of myself.  I'm afraid to "step out".  I t was so scary going to job interviews.  I've NEVER felt I was good enough for ANYTHING. 

Anyway, I guess I'm not really ready to cross that educational bridge yet.  I will get there....someday.