I've been thinking about my Father a lot lately. I don't know why, really. He left our Family when I was Fourteen.

The ONLY thing I know about my Father...that I know is true...he loved to sing and play the base.

My first memory of my father..He's getting ready to leave for a gig. His BIG blonde bass fiddle is lying on the living room floor and I'm playing with the strings. They were hard and stiff to my little fingers. I don't know how old I was.

My next memory, I'm 8 or 9, sitting at the end table coloring or writing something. There is a baseball game coming on the TV. The National Anthem is being sung. I chime in. The next thing I know, the TV guide is whizzing past my face. I look over at my Father. He does not look happy. He growls "If you can't sing right then don't sing at all".

I'm now Fourteen. My father moved out of our house a few months before. My Mom has gone on a working road trip with a girl friend of hers. We are in my Fathers car with his new girlfriend(his wife now)and six of us kids. Three each. She has two girls and a boy. My Father has two girls and a boy. I'm the oldest, her Son who is two weeks younger. Her oldest Daughter and my Brother. Her youngest Daughter and my little Sister. Six of us stair stepped. I'm trying to be happy and have fun but I miss my Mom and our house.

My father has his NEW Family. Step kids and Grandchildren.

What was left of our Family moved to Texas to be with my Mothers Family. We moved back to California. I am totally to blame. I called crying to my Father to come get us. I was so unhappy. My Mom was back in California "packing" the house for her move to Texas. I hated Texas. I was "the Yank".

My Father borrowed the money from His Parents(something I always wondered if he regretted)to get the plane tickets. We lived with him and his new Family for about 5 months then moved in with my Mom.

We, that is, my Brother, Sister and Myself never felt at home with either my relatives in Texas or my Father.

I know I've not felt "at home" anywhere since I was thirteen.