Word on the street is that Hillary Clinton is hot for the newly vacant World Bank head job.  I guess that effectively quashes the rumors that Obama was looking  to dump Biden as VP because Hillary would bring him more votes in 2012.  To be honest, the way republicans have been drawing blood from each other recently, you can hardly blame Obama for feeling more confident about his prospects.  And he’s never liked Hillary – that’s why he kept sending her to 3^rd world hell-holes where the Uncle Sam is burned in effigy every Saturday by official policy.

So, Hillary doesn’t want to work for Obama anymore – as secretary of state.  She wants to be appreciated for her big brain and hard work, and believes having every picayune prime minister and president and premier in Europe as her collective bosses will be the ticket to that.   Yeah, that makes sense – NOT!

Actually, Hillary probably envisions cementing her place in history, and having a statue erected to her memory in front of an Athens shopping mall, by successfully restructuring the debt of Greece (and Italy, Portugal, Spain, Ireland  and other players to be named later).  Plus, it will keep her out of that house she doesn’t currently share with Bill. 

But does Hillary actually know what the World Bank does, though?  I confess, I didn’t until I googled it.

First, the good news.  There are no branches, and no pesky customers.  So nobody will be calling in and complaining that their checking account was overdrawn, or asking for a refund of that $5 charge for using their debit card to buy milk and bread at the Quickee Mart. 

Now the bad news: World Bank borrowers – countries and institutions which the World Bank lends money to – generally are even worse credit risks than the guys who destroyed our economy by taking on mortgage payments they couldn’t hope to handle.  And just like them, I guess that the people’s republic of Karjackistan, when it applies for a world bank loan, doesn’t want to put any money down, has a crappy FICO score, and can’t produce a W2 form or other proof of income.

So, even though Hillary might be a big shot, lawyer, and knows from her senate experience how to spend money we don’t actually have, running the World Bank might not be a good fit for her  

This is where your loyal servant Baltimore Aureole comes in.  My credentials?  I’m so far ahead of Hillary on this, its not even funny. 

Even though I don’t have a finance degree,  I did take accounting 101 in college - and passed!  I doubt that Hillary did.  After college I worked for 6 months as a bill collector (past due credit cards) – so I have vast experience with bullshit promises that the check is in the mail and that sort of thing.

But perhaps my greatest asset is my proven ability to say no.  And not just in the back seat of a car.  Bankers (and congress) being unable to say no are the reason we had a housing crisis in the first place, followed immediately by an explosion of federal deficits.  At some point you cannot keep passing out money with your fingers crossed that a miracle will occur for the borrower (like winning the lottery or finding fracking natural gas in his backyard) that will enable him to pay you  back.

As World Bank head, I promise to say no.   A lot.

“No way Greece . . . I’m not giving you another $130 billion.  It isn’t going to help.  You are absolutely going to default, no matter what, sooner or later.  Let’s not up the ante on the eventual losses.  Here’s the number of a good bankruptcy attorney.  And cut up your credit cards.”

“Hugo Chavez in Venezuela?  Vaya con dios.   You’ve been nationalizing every foreign investment in sight, and looting them to keep yourself in power.   The day of reckoning has arrived.  Please feel free to go on TV and proclaim that Baltimore Aureole is in league with devil.  I’m looking forward to it, in fact.”

“Suriname – you say you want $50 billion to build a factory for Solar Panels?  I’m turning the lights off on that one.   I know how that scam works - $40 billion in bribes and graft to build a $10 billion factory.  If your factory had a snowballs chance in hell of being successful, legitimate investors would be falling all over themselves to get a piece of the action.  The only reason you’re in my office pleading for moola is that this project sucks big time.”

I honestly don’t expect be awarded the head job, instead of Hillary of course.   It’s not what you know, it’s who you blow.

But I thought I should at least point out the difference between how the World Bank is actually run, and my reform agenda.    

Thanks for listening.