bbd

bbd
Location
Dallas, Tejas
Birthday
May 15
Title
dilettante
Bio
A sometimes artist and photographer, sometimes I write too.  

MY RECENT POSTS

Bbd's Links

On photography
On the road
birds
other animáles
Ported to Big Salon
most viewed
most rated
my OS food posts
Editor’s Pick
MAY 31, 2011 3:32PM

polygamy (of sorts)

Rate: 34 Flag

Hey! Who's at the door?!

 

A knock on the door interrupted some busywork at my desk. I was paying bills, clearing my desk of once necessary detritus after all the Memorial Day family reunion duties. I found a couple of Netflix envelopes, but only one DVD. I burned the one available, but dared not enter the beautiful daughter's room, the archaeological strata too daunting. I left a sticky note on her door.

 

We have a doorbell, an illuminated one, it's not easy to miss. A knock usually means that someone wants to make a personal connection, offering something I can't live without. I keep the blinds raised a bit so Popper can yell kitty expletives to passing dogs. I bent over and saw black tennis shoes and bare ankles—the lower end of a typical uniform from a delivery person.

 

We have a lot of commerce coming and going out the door. I send images in sturdy envelopes to clients, I get supplies and occasional grownup toys so it's not surprising to get an interruption. Nor is it unusual that I haven't a clue what is arriving—every package is a surprise!

 

The FedEx guy needed a signature. Normally I hear a thud and rebound as the boxes are tossed onto the concrete porch. "I wonder what could be in there that could be so light and from overseas." His comment caught me off-guard. He was snooping a bit, but not too successfully. The small box  had a label that said Made in Thailand, but the shipping address was from Kansas City, albeit from Belgium Avenue. Should I open it so he could have his curiosity sated? No, it was "Thanks, have a nice day—stay cool."

 

It was one of those boxes that I had no clue about. With some help from Popper, I got it opened and was pleasantly surprised. I've recreated the sequence, sort of, below.

 

It's not food. NOT interested.

 

Hmm...actually, that does look interesting.

 

Nice package, we're both wondering what's inside.

 

Oh! Thank you! That will look so good on me.

 

What. Do. You. Mean. It's. Not. For. Me?

 

Hmmpff. I'll take care of her later.

 

Don't even look at me.

 

 

 

calico

 

 

 

 

Like a tribal chieftain, I've taken on an additional partner late in my life. It hasn't seemed to upset the household dynamic too much. You may be aware that calicos are almost always female, and that they're stubborn and usually monogamous. They pick a partner and remain a one-person cat. They don't mind other people, especially with regard to food, but they let their preferences for companionship known. With the arrival of the heat in Hades/Dallas and the AC running most of the time, she makes sure that the heat transfer from my body to hers occurs all night long as she plasters herself to my side. It's one of the services she expects from me in return for gracing us with her presence I suppose.

 

Oh, the gift.

 

It's really, as you've guessed, for the true love of my life, young Popper notwithstanding. The bride is really fussy about presents, not that she's not appreciative, but she doesn't like the fuss. She'd prefer to go out and get what she wants herownself. It's not that she doesn't always like my stuff—which actually happens often enough—she'd rather skip the middleman.

 

But this is one of those times that I can't let that laissez faire attitude trump what ought to be done. 

 

We just celebrated our 30th anniversary this past May 23. It's more than half my time on the planet, and certainly the best part of my life. My bride of 30 years is the best person I know and that by itself shows you how lucky I am, but it's much more than that of course. More even than her loving me all these years—the vows in sickness and in health, the honor and support, all those things we said in 1981 that were not term- or time-limited—she has been the best person I could have ever wished for in sharing our lives together. We hope for many more.

 

The thirtieth anniversary is usually commemorated by pearls. I was happy to find something I liked from a vendor of Worldstock Fair Trade, made by artisans in third world countries. I hope she likes it too.

 

my beautiful bride

1980 a half year before we married, though we met in 1976 on a lit program in Oxford.

 

now for something completely different

The wedding portrait. It's supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride in the wedding dress...I can say that is simply not true since I took the shot.

 

my beautiful bride

Study in contrasts: son/mother, in focus/not, black and white

 

bride and son

With the third of three a few years back 

 

the beautiful bride

Not too long ago in Hawaii

 

my beautiful bride

 

 

 

 

calico

 

 

 

 

 

Popper favorite thing No. 2

Wake me when you bring the catnip. You owe me.

 

 

Thank you dear for the love, for the years past and for those to come. I love you. You've always been the best thing in my life. xoxo

 

 

(I love you too Popper.)

 

 

 

 

 

all photos copyright © by barry b. doyle · all rights reserved

 

 

 

#  #  #

 

 

 

tumblr stats

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
Lovely, and not at all what I was expecting. Hope your bride loves it.

Oh, and I'm not Ken Honeywell either.
Thanks Kathy! I'll let you know what the bride thinks. I'm curious about what you were expecting though.

(I do love Ken too.)
Congratulations Barry, nice tribute for your 30th. I don't remember if I wrote anything on our 30th - that was 25 years ago ( Jim said with a big smile)
Barry - I had to click the link to find out. Find out if I were correct. I said to myself "he's found a way to blog about his cat." Not surprised you widened the scope. Congratulations on all the big and little successes you wrote about and the most important of them all. 30 is quite the milestone. Congrats. May you share many more. And as for Popper, well, aw!
Love you right back, Barry. Happy 30th. I know I am the luckiest schmuck in history, but I may have to grant you a close second.
Thanks Jim, and congrats to you too friend for longevity!

Stacey, it's mostly serendipitous luck, but I'm happy to be on the receiving end. Thanks for stopping by even while the servers are so slow.
ha! thanks Ken...happy to be in your shadow.
It took me hours to get here, but this was worth it. What a beautiful, beautiful post. To thirty more~r
It will look wonderful on the bride . . . although it would have looked good on Popper as well. Most of all, congratulations!
Do you see a Laura Miller resemblance in the latter photos?

Anyway, congratulations on both your marriages, your simple and elegant tribute and what must have been a tenacious desire to upload on another hellishly slow OS server day.
You Sir are a very lucky man. Not only was your wife a beauty in her youth, but her beauty seems to have deepened and grown with age. I do envy you being able to have had thirty years with the love of your life and I hope I have that long with Mel, though we will both be in our eighties.
Joan, thank you for your persistence and dedication, I'm very grateful...and thanks so much for your lovely words.

Hi Owl! ha! thanks for going along with the anthropomorphism...I hope the bride likes it. I'm pretty sure she hasn't seen this post yet, it will serve instead of a card after she opens the gift which is in her home office.

Harry, that's interesting...there is a Laura Miller resemblance (a local Dallas one), though at times she's been likened to, and mistaken for, Betty Buckley. And yes, it was important to get this up today, not just for the timing in spite of the server problems, but the muse suddenly struck.

Torman, what a fine and generous comment, thanks so much. I know you and Mel will get there with love cherished and intact.
i've been trying for half the damn day to get here. it was worth it. happy anni, barry. your eve is a beauty, and that you appreciate/love her so much makes me think more of you (than i already do). oh, and that's a beeeyoutiful necklace. mmmmm. xoxo
Jeez, another lovely happy couple (I just came from Ken Honeywell's blog). Very sweet. Also nice cat.
It's wonderful to see a happy post like this Barry. Congratulations on your 30th anniversary and many happy ones together. Great photos of both of your loves.
♥R
This was lovely Barry. Congratulations. Your bride is beautiful. -R-
Happy 30th!! What a beautiful tribute!
Happy Anniversary to both of you!
Candace, you're a true friend. Thanks for trying for so long and for the lovely compliment. I hope Eve gets a gig in SoCal sometime in the near future so we can all get together. xo

Myriad, I just loved Ken's post, we're both very lucky indeed. I know you love cats and glad to give you some more shots of Popper.

Christine, it's so true...she has always been a beauty. Thanks!

Lois, thanks dear.

Julie, thanks so much.
well, i enjoyed all of this, but gotta tell you, i am fallingin love with that cat.
Lovely, Barry. Congratulations to you and Eve.
Diana, that's so cool, but I'm not surprised, she is eminently lovable. Glad you enjoyed the post.

Rob, thank you friend for being here and for your words. I think of you and L often, as you know I have a piece of hers that is a constant reminder of beauty and art. We have some common touchstones in our lives, which is a spiritual connection I enjoy.
Popper and Eve...Eve an Popper...Do you realize what a lucky man you are?!? Happy, Happy!
I'm with Kathy...not what I expected. I came here hoping/looking for tabloid lascivious and found deep, abiding love. What a treat!
Congratulations, Barry! My husband and I just celebrated 29 years on May 30. That says a whole lot for all of us! :)
I had a calico kitty once, she would disappear when I left for school, and eventually return. When I visited, she'd start dropping off mice and small bunnies at my feet. I hope your wife does the same for you.
Barry, this is so funny, heartfelt and beautiful, visually as well as literately, that I just can't express what it made me feel other than there is a big smile on my face and a tug in my heart, and perhaps a bit o' damp in my eye. Loved seeing the gorgeous Popper once again, and happy to see your other gorgeous lady, too!

As I've told you, I am the partner of a calico, too. She belonged to my own dear partner K. for many years before we moved in together, but I was lucky she got to know me as a kitten, or I probably would have never been accepted. As it is, we are a tight circle of three, and she admits no one else to it.
Oh, and happy 30th!! Quite a milestone. Congratulations on reaching it together, as happy as ever.
Excellent story. Enjoy the pictures of your cat.
Barry, congratulations on your 30th wedding anniversary!! That is a wonderful milestone and I wish both of you many, many more happy years together! Like some others who have commented here about having a calico cat, I also had one which was a delightful cat named "Patchie."
what a beautiful homage to your lovely bride....and to the lovely Popper.

and you are right - calicos are quite particular. our Uisce certainly likes me and allows me to pet and feed her, but she is completely attached to My Cartoonist...and for her, when he is there, she wants no one else. luckily, i have my own cat-companion to whom i am the focus, so it seems to work out fairly well.

beautiful photos. :)
I tuned in for the beautiful kitty, but got a lot more. Lucky wife. :)
What a lucky guy you are! We recently had a new arrival. Though my hubby has known many cats, this was his first kitten and they've bonded. This piece brought up how completely mystifying it is that some people don't like cats, or think they are stand-offish, or even evil. They are all about the love!
What a lucky man you are. Great post too. The necklace is lovely. The cat is darling. And the wife, well I think you have that one figured out. Well done.
Sort of incredibly wonderful as you weave your tale in such a way.
Adorable and wonderful, on so many levels. Happy anniversary! And maybe you should get Popper a mouse toy or something to make up for the necklace....
Hi guys, thanks so much for your lovely comments. Now lets see if we can get this comment thing working today.

Cathy, yes indeed I do realize how lucky I am...happy happy indeed. Thanks dear. xo

Bluestocking...ha! thanks.

Patricia, congrats to you too!

Oryoki, ha!...you'll have to read (my very early) story called The Visitor...the bride would never get anywhere near a rodent. So I'm safe. Thanks for stopping by.

Nelle, thanks so much for your very kind words, and the bride has always been gorgeous. I'm blessed to have Popper now as well too, she's a joy to have around. It's amazing how much I find myself talking to her.

James, thanks for coming by, glad you enjoyed the photos.

iq, I think I've always called her my bride, or nearly so. If I remember correctly I was impressed by a story, read long ago, that a man kissed his wife passionately, after many years of marriage, and after she had a complete failure in the kitchen, not a thing turned out as planned. She asked him why the lingering kiss and he replied "If you're going to cook like a bride I might as well treat you like one." I guess, in spite of the subtle genderism, that it made an impression on me, so I've continued using the description, and always meant as a term of respect and endearment. Enhanced, of course, that I do all the cooking as the bride could burn water...and I try to keep her away from my good knives.

John, thanks so much for your kind wishes, and glad you had your own Patchie.

kmb, I'm glad you have two so you can have one of your own. I'm trying to remember if I've ever seen pics of them. Have you done a post on your kitties? If not, it's time I think to remedy that. Thanks always for your lovely words and commitment to friendship.

sweet, glad you came by and got a nice surprise.

Marion, what you say is so true, they are all about the love, though inscrutable at times, that just adds to their appeal for me.

Rei, I'm glad you liked the necklace. I'm happy to report that the bride loved it too. I sent her a link to this story today, and she read it at work. She called and left a message as I was away from the phone, and it sounded like she was crying a bit. She mentioned that she especially liked all the lovely comments from friends.

anaa1liese, thanks for that, I like it when someone says something about the story too.

Alysa, I think it's a good idea to go out and get dear Popper a nice little present too. Thanks for the suggestion, and of course for your lovely comments. Merci beaucoup.
I "clicked" to your site because of Popper and found instead a true statement about love and companionship. I have become so inured to feel bitterness when hearing of another’s statement of love and perpetuity, that I forgot, there really is forever, somewhere.
About the cat, I posted on my site last week, a picture of a calico that made residence at my door. We are not allowed pets, and the employee that resides at the “front desk” of our establishment was actually using her feet to steer this wonderful creature out the door.
Of course, without paws (pause), I reached down and scooped up this little 3 month old rascal. The woman literally screamed “don’t touch it”.
Pfff, yeah like I’m going to listen to that.
I posted a picture on my site to find her a home. She looks exactly like Popper. Luckily, I was not the only resident to be taken. There were several others that took her in, and took her picture. She is in a good home, I thought it was you who took her after seeing the photo.

Your wife is very lucky to have a partner so taken. What a sweet soul you have, and a beautiful family.
Bless you, every one of you.

Dianne

Scroll down to the bottom to see Ms. Kitty
http://open.salon.com/blog/dlschuch/2011/05/21/if_it_seems_to_goodcoming_out_page_22
Dianne, thanks so much for your heart felt words. And what a gorgeous little kitty. I'm happy she found you, if only for a time. I hope she can go to a loving home. Good luck to you both, and thanks.
Heres to thirty more! and your Popper looks just like my dearly departed Smutzie, only she had a black spot on her nose. She was my protector, and true love.
Congrats to you both from sunny England.
"Press send please FRed(tm) and stop licking that, it'll shrink"
That was a lovely tribute to both loves of your life
Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous... the Calico (as you know, we have one also), the necklace (Eve must love it, is perfect), the lady in question (lovlier all through the years, am partial to the last pensive shot) and your photos.

We reach the 30 mark in Jan, glad to know it's pearls, also my birthstone. Hope to add our marriage to yours as inspiration for others... love and (feline) polygamy are the secrets.

Mazel Tov! Here's to 30 more.
I have a tabby too. She tries to sit on my feet all night long and crawl on my computer during the day. I do understand this.
Popper and Mrs. BBD continue to be gorgeous!

Our anniversary is 10 days sooner (but 7 years later) than yours - congratulations!!!!
Congratulations on 30 years. How lucky you both are.
I am so like your wife. I am not crazy about presents - just give me the dough. I am married 28 years this June!!!
Happy anniversary! That last picture of the Bride is fantastic, I loved it.
Kisses
Of course I'm WAAAAAY late to this post. I won't even try to make an excuse, only apologize for not getting here sooner.

There's this Crowfoot quote that always makes me think of you and your family whenever I read it:
"What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."

I would simply add to that, it is also sharing moments with your partner in life and your children.

Oh, and your Calico too (*nod to Popper*).

There is a saying in the Talmud:
“He who is without a wife dwells without blessing, life, joy, help, good, and peace”

You, my friend, have been mightily blessed as you know.

Wishing you and that grand lady of yours many many more years together.
Anniversary takes 11 letters to say 30 beautiful years of friendship, partnership, companionship and love.

And the photos of the cat take the cake!!!

Congratulations to the happy couple and best wishes for 30 more years of togetherness.

L, Mhold
A lovely post and a beautiful bride. Lucky man.
I so love your words and pictures. Barry. Late (very very late!) happy anniversary to you and your lovely bride. :)

Christine