I don't have to tell you that Sunday is Father's Day.  I feel terrifically uncomfortable on Father's Day. I am already fearing the stomach pains and the headache.  For me, this day is filled with so many expectations, and so many expectations unfulfilled. I am sure it is the same way for him.

My relationship with my father used to be wonderful, until 1997. That was the year when everything fell apart.  I love my father, but it has taken me years to forgive him for leaving the family. I am the only child, a product of that marriage, so it makes it even more difficult that he left my mother after 29 years after much indecision and pain in 2000, because it felt as though he was leaving me as well. I am and always have been extremely close to my mother.  We could see things coming down the road for four LONG years, and during that time, we all tried very hard to hold it together.  His idealism was ultimately a lot  more important to him than being with my mother or with me.  Now, bear with me here.  I have a theory on my dad.  And it has to do with astrology.  Yep.  It has to do with those stars, and planets, and their alignment with each other and all that.  Dad doesn't believe much in astrology.  Asking dad what his sign is would likely yield a reaction like, "Isn't that birth profiling?"  I wouldn't be writing about this if I didn't see some strange connection in how one-twelfth of the world happened to fall into some sort of a profile, but, um... for him (profiling or not)  it happens to be true. I don't know how.  It just is.  One of those things in life that I can't explain.  And I grew up in the Seventh House.  It was always the Seventh House at my house. That was even the number of our house, ironically!

For those who are astrologically challenged, the Seventh House is the House of Aquarius.  My father is an Aquarius.  Oh yes, he sure is an Aquarius! He meets all of the Aquarian characteristics-- although I have met many Aquarians who do not leave their families in favor of their dreams.  (In fact, many are able to live their dreams with their families.)  Extreme idealism is his trademark.  He is a dream weaver.  A hard worker.  A brilliant man.  He thinks for society, when society cannot think for itself.  Dad is an erratic genius. He has always had a deep desire for knowledge.  He is clever and skillful and incredibly inventive.  His skill with any number of things can solve the most difficult problems with ease, but he does have an annoying habit of leaving his projects. Like a lot of dads, he is good at making business decisions, he isn't very competent at making or helping to make personal ones, and he lacks in the common sense department. 

The New Age phenomenon is seen by some astrologers as marked by the conjunction of the planet Uranus, ruler of the sign Aquarius, and the coming age, with Pluto, ruler of the masses-- some say, bringing radical change in the 1960s. Dad is definitely a product of the 1960s, and was proud of marching on Washington, participating in protests and sit-ins, and loved the occasional act of vulgarity for the sake of peace.  But did the Age of Aquarius start in the 60's?  For other Hair fans out there (besides me), I am sorry to say, no. Technically, because of a particular movement of the Earth's pole, the Sun crosses the Equator at a slightly different point every year. With the passing years, this point shifts from one degree approximately every 72 years and shifts signs approximately every 2,156 years. Therefore, every 2,156 years, a new age begins. According to astrologers, we are currently in the Age of Pisces, while being influenced by the Age of Aquarius. And it should be pointed out, that an age's influence is strongly felt around 500 to 800 years before the exact juxtaposition of the signs and constellations. This would put the Age of Aquarius at an unofficial start time of around the French Revolution. No coincidence that these two ages invite us to broaden our souls by showing love towards our fellow human beings and by taking the available scientific and technological means to improve our well-being and comfort. We are already in a society based upon knowledge, information and communication. Some say that soon, we will come to know real universal fraternity.  I am a Generation Xer, born into the digital revolution but not a digital native.  In the Seventh House, dad had me on the computer all the time.  He was [and I should mention he still is] obsessed with the idea that everything will soon be digitized and we should just "throw out ALL the paper"! "Burn it!" I would have to say that this has been one of his shining examples of lack of common sense.

Oh, and if only people were important to my father.  Helping out at the polls, soup kitchens, being an advocate for the disabled and the indigent, camping, and networking with his worldwide philatelic contacts were all activities that were more important than his family.  Did you misunderstand?  Dad loves people! But I am not certain he can stand being one on one with actual people for too very long.  He left and moved to the mountains to live a solitary existence for quite a few years.  Now, he finally lives a more social life in a large metropolitan area.   Clearly, my father has the ability to take some things to extremes. Certainly, the influence of the Age of Pisces has invited the world to show love, goodness, mercy, compassion and generosity towards our fellow human beings.  The influence of the Age of Aquarius has invited nations to show altruism and favor scientific, systematic or technological solutions.   And my father loves altruism.  Let me add that if he can find a technological way to solve a problem, and not have to have face to face communication with someone, he will do it.  My father so heroically becomes associated with the virtues of the Age of Aquarius- the nonconformity, philanthropy, and the veracity.  Unfortunately, like a lot of the other one-twelfth of his world comrades, he is out of his element when it comes to interpersonal communication.  A bit like a cat in a bathtub.  Very ready to run. 

I can only hope to be as much of a dreamer as my dad, and my mom says that I do have my father's dreams, and my father's ambition.  But as my mother says, "Thank God, not his common sense."   Wanting things more as they ought to be - rather than as they are - presents problems.  Thank God I have enough common sense to know this, I guess.   It was my father who introduced me to books.  I lived in my father's library when I was a child, spending hours doing my homework on the floor next to his desk while he was on the computer typing and typing what seemed to me like something that didn't matter-- but that carved an enormous section of his briefcase the following morning.  It was with my father that I first began to ask myself what was  truly real and good in the world, and to surmise what part of what he believed I would take on as my own concern.  As it turned out, I took most of it.  The Seventh House was spiritually appealing, and my father, as a man of the 60's, who had undergone great transformations of thought, had come out of it with a new definition of democracy, freedom, and humanitarianism that had not existed in ages before him.  His music and his religion spoke to one another.  Dad has always been a mythological package that I have been sold on. 

These past couple of years, I have learned some important things about the man, the father. What I didn't understand was that although the Seventh House house was alluring, this personal expansion, progress, and inspiration was all designed to form partnerships-- NOT to purely engage the self.  All of those years, I really believe that dad had been purely engaging himself, and not forming the types of partnerships that involve mutual respect.  At one time, I thought he had, but it takes a mature adult child to reflect on her father's frailties.  Dad always held a great deal of pride in his "fair mindedness."  I do think that he is open minded, and he can provide perspective for others on a wide variety of issues, but a keen observer would see that dad is only fair to the people that he is not looking down upon.  He is just good at oppressing those voices.  He is strong willed and not easy to anger; nevertheless, he can have a spiteful tongue if someone betrays him.  Unfortunately, this has not given my father the best reputation as a loyal, warm, and encouraging advocate.  Someone will always betray him, and someone always has.  And after dad is through, they are the ones who walk away feeling puzzled, angry, and guilty.  Today, my father has a difficult time figuring out why it is that other people do not see him for the mere mortal that he is, and why it is that he cannot achieve the expectations everyone has of him.  If only he could see that he has set and maintained his place in the Guinness Book of Great Men (if ever there was or would be one).  It is very hard to argue with a man's image of himself, once he believes the image has become the man. 

It did not matter that I was an extremely sensitive child, prone to insecurity, or that my mother had the vibrancy, posture, social magnetism, self-confidence, and savviness of  a high socialite. My father was all about his own needs and desires. And those needs and desires were all about embracing new concepts, ideals, and theories about how to make the WORLD a better and happier place. Forget the people closest to him.  But here, one more Father's Day away from those dark years that our family experienced, I am trying to see my father for who he is. We rarely speak on the phone, and emails contain very impersonal accounts of our days. But this is okay. This is the progress we have made. Dad is [presumably] well, and I am at a good stage of my life to stop blaming him for so much of what he has done, and begin forgiving him. Every Father's Day gives me another opportunity to just celebrate where we are.  So, over the years, I have really considered who my father is.  It has not been easy NOT to demand the reciprocity that I want.  However, I have made a conscious decision to "volunteer" to love my dad, or risk not having a relationship with him at all.  And what is even more important, I have realized that accepting my dad for who he is may have to take place before he can accept me for who I am.  This might be the best time of all to put in place that idealism that I keep as his inheritance from the Seventh House. 

________________________

"The New Age movement is more accurately a phenomenon and yet seen by many as the harbinger of this future changeover of values associated with the arrival or imminent arrival of the Age of Aquarius.The 1967 musical Hair, with its opening song 'Aquarius' and the memorable line 'This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius,' brought the Aquarian Age concept to the attention of audiences worldwide."

Credit to Wikipedia and astrosoftware for the astrology research in this article.

Dad, this song is for you.  I love you. Happy Father's Day.

*Except for what is credited to other sources,  the contents of this post are the sole copyright of the author, and cannot be reprinted in any form without the express permission of Bella Joffre.
Here is the Fifth Dimension performing the infamous song, "Aquarius":