I haven't posted in a while, because I have been struggling with debilitating fatigue. This fatigue is all too common and familiar in my life. It is the result of a lifelong struggle with depression, and what I found out to be (several years ago) -- a struggle with Hashimoto's Disease. Hashimoto's Disease happens to be the number one cause of hypothyroidism in the United States, and one of the first autoimmune diseases that has been widely studied by researchers. But for some reason, when I tell most people what I have they look at me strangely and laugh. I think it is just the name of the disease! The complexity of the issue seems to be that I am also extremely overweight, and a lot of people seem to believe that people who are overweight should just join a gym, or go on a diet and exercise some more and stop complaining. As if it were that simple, or that those of us who are in this situation hadn't tried those things before.
It isn't that simple. My body has been working against my mind's attempts over this matter for years, and anyone who knows anything about psychology might know something about the concept of learned helplessness. This is what I feel has happened to me over the years. And on many days, like today, I don't feel very energetic. Yesterday, I didn't feel like caring or fighting anymore. In fact, I felt unbelievably exhausted- from doing nothing. From taking my fat, lazy bumper from the couch to the kitchen to get a healthy lunch, and then to take a long afternoon nap, and then to wake up and watch television... and start the routine again with the evening meal. yes. woooohooo. Tough day. From what I can see as I look out into my back patio, the weed in between the patio bricks fought harder for a life than I did in the last several days.
Okay, I am not giving myself credit here. It took me a long time just to get to this place.
Everyday is a fight. I take a lot of medication to keep my spirits and my energy levels up. Taking the meds is a fight. The thyroid meds are important, but I hate taking medication for depression- and I wish I could get off of them and kiss them all goodbye. Sometimes I wonder about being on all of this stuff. Health and Happiness does have a price.
I should also say that it took me nearly 4 years to get my thyroid medication levels to my own definition of perfection. There are so many doctors who REFUSE to prescribe the medication that I take for my thyroid. WHY? For reasons I do not understand. I am on a natural and NOT a synthetic thyroid hormone replacement. I take dessicated pig thyroid, called ARMOUR. Doctors all over the United States refuse to prescribe Armour because it competes with the pharm. industry's main drug- Synthroid. I will NOT go through another maddening fight with the pharmaceutical industry to have my Armour medication. I understand that they are now only making it in certain doses-- which limits availability to consumers even more.
And finally, my feet are swollen today. I think I have been sitting for too long at the computer and I need to elevate my legs. But ANYTHING that concerns my legs/feet is a HUGE concern for me. A couple of years ago, I had two clots that originated in my leg- as I mentioned in a previous post (see The Door Dwell). Because of the blood disorder that caused the clots, I had to take coumadin for a period of time exceeding a year. I still fear that every pain in my left leg is another clot in formation. Once you have that pain, the memory of it is like passing a baby through a straw. Clots turn the legs into hardened, itchy, bread dough. But scratching is not an option; it could move the clot inside. Clots are painful and extremely frightening and I NEVER want to have another clot again. I keep my legs moving constantly.
I go to the doctor tomorrow afternoon to discuss all of these things. I thought I would share all of them with you because many of you have written to me asking me to continue to share my health stories -- so that maybe they can help someone. Maybe they can. I HOPE they can.
*I will keep going with this as a continuous story, and I will number the posts.
©2009 BLOG POST by Bella Joffre
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Comments
Hope things get better for you reeeeaaaalll soon.
Would you be able to order ARMOUR from an overseas company,
or even from the manufacturer,direct?
I do hope you feel better. You do have a lot of issues to deal with. Take care!
Thanks for sharing your story. Be well.