Although my family has a history of begetting religious fanatics, Carol belongs to my husband's side. This time of year she becomes distraught by the widespread attack on Christmas, or Christ-mas, as she'd prefer it to be pronounced. Holiday season, winter break or any other secular designation causes her email finger to spasm, filling the inboxes of boys and girls everywhere with overwrought missives on how humankind will surely expire, in pyrrhic agony, for its Godlessness. I try to be patient with her because if hyperbole were a sin, we'd both be damned, and if passive-aggressiveness were a sin (and it ought to be), the card I send her annually wishing her "the happiest holiday ever!" would double-damn me. I have so far ignored the devil on my shoulder urging me to send Hanukkah and Kwanza cards. I'm proud of myself for that; it is a very strong urge.
It's customary at our late December gathering for families to exchange inexpensive gifts like candy, specialty coffees and teas, or homemade baked goods. Until last week, I had intended to give Carol what my husband calls "Make Your Own Friggin' Soup" -- a 64 oz Ball jar filled with everything necessary to make a big batch of lentil soup. It's a gift that might be insulting to someone who knows me well; for an esteemed friend or family member, I'd prepare the soup and deliver it in the jar. Hot. But I think it's a nice present, if impersonal. The 64 oz jars are unusual (I haven't seen them anyplace other than Ace Hardware), and perfect for storing spaghetti sauce and soups in the refrigerator, or dry goods on the kitchen counter.
Then my inbox was assaulted by another of Carol's godbothering epistles outlining the biggest threat yet to our Great Christian Nation: Illegals. Specifically, Mexicans. Cunning brown thieves looking for an undeserved slice of American pie. Our healthcare, welfare and education, our menial restaurant and field work -- jobs! I find it contradictory that an entire population can be both too lazy to work and job stealers, but what do I know from Mexico? Carol knows even less; she pronounces the "j" in jalapenos.
I do know how to make a killer red chile sauce, and in my bitterly non-confrontational fashion, I'm going to gift her with a jar of it. Feliz Navidad, Carol!
Carol will not be receiving her red chile sauce in one of my prized vintage, glass-topped Dominion jars. Even in this time of giving, that's too much to ask. (Sincerely, I hope she enjoys the sauce, and my Christ-mas wish is that it will spark a small feeling of kinship with the people she fears.)
Red Chile Sauce
Red chile sauce is deep and rich, spicy without too much heat – a marinade and baste for all meats, a starter for chili or tortilla soup, a seasoning for refried beans, a topping for burritos and tostadas. Pour it on enchiladas. Stir it into salsa or rice. Make a Mexican style shrimp and grits (with roasted poblano cheese grits). I always have a container in the freezer and during our jingle bell vacation, I make a double batch to give away.
I can say without equivocation this recipe isn't authentic. The brown sugar in particular might be frowned upon, but our family is fond of smokey, slightly-sweet flavors, and I think the sugar mellows the acrid bite of the dried chiles and doesn't declare itself in any other way. I encourage you to explore other recipes (OS's Miguela has posted her family's properly vetted recipe , and the revered Rick Bayless has his own unique version), experiment with other varieties of dried chiles and tweak the seasonings. Like the saying about pizza and sex – even when it's bad it's still pretty good – that's red chile sauce. That's true of Christmas now that I think about it.
Our grocery store and the Mexican market sell dried peppers in 3 oz bags. If they are loose, just grab a handful of each kind – 10-15 peppers, depending upon the size. The recipe isn't picky in that regard.
3 oz dried guajillo chiles
3 oz dried ancho chiles
3 oz dried pasilla chiles
Just enough water to cover
2 14.5 oz cans diced tomatoes with their liquid
2 - 3 cups vegetable stock or a stock/water mixture
1 Tbsp ground cumin
1 tsp Mexican oregano (or substitute thyme)
3 Tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp kosher salt
2 Tbsp Valentina or Crystal hot sauce (optional)
1 and ½ cup chopped white onion
2 large cloves garlic, chopped
With a pair of scissors, cut the stems off the chiles and cut down the sides so that you can shake or wipe out the seeds. I don't wear gloves when I work with peppers, but if you're sensitive you probably should.
Toast the peppers briefly in a dry skillet over medium-high heat and then place them into a sauce pan, and add just enough water to cover. Simmer, covered, over medium heat for twenty minutes or thereabouts, and then let the peppers steep off the heat until the water is lukewarm.
I like a smooth texture so I run the skins through a food mill. Pour the water and chiles through the food mill, capturing the chile water in a heavy glass or crockery bowl. Reserve 1/2 cup of the soaking water and discard the rest. You want a hint of the almost coffee-like bitterness, but if you use all the water, the sauce will be too bitter.
Crank the food mill over the bowl until you've extracted all the flesh from the chiles and left behind the skins and lingering seeds. If you do not want to deal with a food mill you can skip this step and the sauce will be fine, just slightly different in texture as the guajillo skins don't soften and break down much as they cook.
Return the pulp to the saucepan and add the ½ cup soaking water, tomatoes, 2 cups of the stock, cumin, Mexican oregano (or thyme), brown sugar, salt, hot sauce, onion and garlic. Simmer, uncovered, over low heat for twenty minutes. Remove from the heat and puree with an immersion blender or in a regular blender in batches. An immersion blender cannot adequately handle skins and seeds, so if you skipped the food mill, you will need to use the regular blender for pureeing.
Taste for salt and if the mixture is too thick, add some of the remaining stock or water to thin it out a bit. Store in the refrigerator in an airtight container for up to a week (it gets better, mellower, as it sits), or freeze.
To everyone: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a blessed Kwanza, a sublime Holiday Season, Ho ho ho! and a thousand kisses – mil besos – for reading and being so supportive throughout the year. It goes without saying that I wouldn't let any of you make your own friggin' soup.
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Comments
I really like the idea of that complete soup in a jar thing, though, BV -- and a) if I celebrated Christmas and b) if I could find such a thing here, I'd be very tempted.
Save me.
The last Christmas dinner I went to, the house was decorated up like a Whorehouse full of angels with a holiday scene full of open mouth silent singers.
I get a free pass this year. I cannot possibly make it and ain't got the invite.
But chili sounds good Bell.
Now if I can make it for one....
Happy Holidaze to ya friend...
Not being a vintage jar connoisseur, for yuks I did a quick check on ebay (another thing on which I'm not a connoisseur) for Dominion jars. In October someone sold a Dominion jar and some other vintage jar for $108. I wouldn't let Carol even look at your Dominions.
Lezlie
Your red chile sauce is a gift from the heart. That's what it's all about. :)
My best to you, Miz Vance, at the holidays and all year long.
~R~
Oh yeah ---and float a "Jail-a-peeno" in it --you know, so they'll think its Mexican and she can get one of those good jobs.
Frankly, if I were you, I'd just poison her and bury her in the backyard -- you can have too much family.
.
ChickenMatt -- Overnight? It does fine at room temp on the back of a mail truck. I'd say it could last a week that way. The heat'll kill any bacteria.
Catherine -- Awww. I'm too profane for the Food Network. "Fucker!" is not the new "Bam!" and that's what I yell whenever I cut myself or drop something or trip over a dog...
Boanerges -- The War on Christmas is right up there with the War in Iraq and Afghanistan, dontchaknow? I can stand it, but I drink a lot of beer.
Linnn -- Most of our relatives are very respectful of other beliefs and dial the Jesus down to a benign peace and love level. It's only a couple of self-described "preachers" who feel the need to bring on the brimstone.
Bookgirl -- Thanks! I'm proud of myself that even with what little Spanish I know I could decipher your comment!
Froggy -- Bonkers. Yes. I take deep breaths. The thing is, she's so unaware that I doubt she grasps how she sets everyone on edge. She probably thinks she's doing God's work, and is very pleased.
Mission -- Gilt angels are peculiar to churches and whorehouses. Maybe because both are packed full of sinners? I know it's hard to cook and portion for one -- my friend Sue struggles mightily with this. We've worked out a routine where she makes enough to share with me, and I make enough to share with her and ten other people. If you lived nearby, I'd stock your freezer.
Jonathan -- If you can play foosball. Best pals!
Sheila -- Thank you!
Lea -- It's coming. Life keeps getting in the way.
Stim -- Seriously? Now I'm really going to treasure these jars. "My precious...." (Pepperoni slices on edge? Well, I'm glad we're vegetarians!)
Mime -- Happy to oblige.
L -- Happy Everything to you too!
Sarah -- All you can do is laugh. Really, that's ALL you can do!
Miquela -- I drooled over your red chile sauce, and it looks a lot more straightforward than the one I came up with. I wish I had a knowledgeable Abuela to teach me about all of the peppers and techniques.
Midwest - A gift from my cold black heart. Yay! I do love the term "godbothering." I didn't invent it but when I heard it, it applied to a lot of my prosthelytizing relatives.
Jeanette -- I'm afraid she'd think the term "Mexican Oregano" was slang for pot!
Pauline -- Most of my family is like that. Not offensive with the religion, but definitely leaning right...so we discuss television that isn't Fox News, the weather, food, family sightings, the changing consistency of our stool and birds.
R♥
Elizabeth -- Funny thing is jars used to terrify me too, because I remember my grandmother talking about how the jars would sometimes EXPLODE! during the canning process. It's a strange thin to be frightened of, but I understand...
Hugs -- I'm so glad you enjoyed the mac and cheese! I know you added extra extra cheese.
Deborah -- I was pondering the chipotles because I love anything smokey and we like things extra extra hot and when I do these recipes I try to adjust things for people who have regular tongues. The next time I make this I will portion out some for us and add the chipotles. (We live in the Deep South and Carol is Deep Deep South. I have no actual experience with Southwestern cooking. I just have a love of cooking and of trying new things, learning via trial and error, though I haven't yet even attempted tamales. They are next on my list!)
Unbreakable -- Grand, as in long. With recipes I always think I explain too much, but I remember back to when I was learning and I want to lead everyone through the mistakes I made and what could go wrong and how to fix things.
Trilogy -- May your Jalapeno Season be a merry one as well!
Fingerlakes -- It will feature a three-page family update letter in Spanish. What? Did you underestimate my passive-aggressiveness? I warned you.
Felicia -- And here I thought I was being petty. ;)
Trig -- I make a really great shrimp and grits -- more like shrimp gravy. In the freezer, right next to the red chile sauce is a container of homemade shrimp head stock that I use for the shrimp and grits. One day I'll post the recipe. If you've got a good recipe, I'd love to see it...mine is always evolving.
Spumey -- It's the pepper seeds in the urine that give the illegals away. You're supposed to filter it through a coffee filter, duh. But how do you say that in Spanish? I want one of those good jobs, but there are things a coffee filter can't disguise. Maybe once my pee clears...
Thoth -- I can picture you in an apron, working that food mill.
Phyllis -- They're pretty easy to find here in our small Southern town. Publix and Walmart carry them. I do like to patronize the little Mexican market just because it's local. 11 days! Ha!!! I tend to overexplain recipes, trying to cover every contingency (my worst fear is having a recipe fail for someone), but the basic directions are -- cook the peppers until soft, add seasonings, puree.
Greenheron -- You just need to say "por favor."
Delish recipe though. And I wouldn't feel slighted if I just got a jar of the soup ingredients. Cooking from scratch is very relaxing.
Love this story, Bell. You mean I might get a vintage jar;I love those. -R-
Merry, merry Christmas, holidays and all that.
[can you tell I'm catching up here? it's well worth the visit I'll tell ya that]
But I have had no trouble stomaching another of your fine tales.
"Pronounces the 'J' in jalapenas." "Make your own friggin' soup."!!!
Should be the dictionary definition of passive-agression.