Bernadine Spitzsnogel

Bernadine Spitzsnogel

Bernadine Spitzsnogel
Location
Donwannatellya, Indiana,
Title
Underemployed Mom, Wife, Daughter, Cat Herder
Bio
Mrs. Spitzsnogel makes up in stories what she lacks in functional work skills. She is a storyteller who lives in the flyover states and is either at a crossroads or a precipice.

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NOVEMBER 18, 2009 12:45PM

Flashing Plumbers in Hot Springs

While visiting Hot Springs, Arkansas recently, I bought a spa package to take advantage of the local flavor. Hot Springs is famous for its “Bathhouse Row” where gangsters and society doyennes alike “took the waters”.

The downtown area of Hot Springs is a national park. We visi… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 16, 2009 1:16PM

Why Bernadine Should Not Wear Make-Up

I recently learned why I should not wear make-up. I have not worn much fancy paint since I was in my 20s and smeared on blue eye shadow and wore high, high heels (we are all idiots at 25, aren’t we?) And being the foxy babe I am, I never needed… Read full post »

Last Tuesday night we posed for our church directory picture.

The loquacious photographer told my husband repeatedly, “What a lucky man you are!”

We waited for the digital photo preview, and heard the photographer tell at least three more men the same thing. “What a lucky man you ar… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 14, 2009 9:53PM

Bernadine Thinks About Her Wedding Gifts

In thinking about our “silver anniversary” tomorrow, husband wondered what wedding gifts we still own.

Reviewing a mental checklist, we realized not much remains from our little apartment overlooking the gun shop. I referred to our first little apartment as “living in squalor.&rdqu
Read full post »

My meteoric rise to success as a freelance writer is dependent upon only one thing: exceptionally low standards. In five months, I’ve built a large clip file, published in three local newspapers and two local magazines. My column  runs every two weeks in a daily, and once-a-month in a weekRead full post »

I volunteer at a local agency that provides a worthwhile service to our community. I am passionate about the cause. I donate my time and money because I believe in the good this organization does.

Today I worked at their annual Fashion Show. This is completely not my cup of tea.Read full post »

NOVEMBER 11, 2009 11:27PM

Taking My Mother to the Dementia Clinic

Mom saw the big metal sign on the side of the building. “Wizard Hospital,” she read. But she read wrong. As a person with dementia, she sometimes mixes up letters in words or adds or removes letters. She mistakenly replaced two letters.

As she said it. I thought, Maybe she isRead full post »

NOVEMBER 8, 2009 10:32PM

The Unknown Stringer

As a freelance writer, I work on a project basis for different clients. I like to get paid. And then I render to Caesar the things that are Caesars on each project. Each client requires that I complete tax documents as well as information special to each organization.

Recently one organization asked… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 7, 2009 1:51PM

The Price and The Cost of Freedom

In our little village, Saturday mornings are abuzz with activity. This morning I relished getting outside on a sunny, relatively warm November day. Not all the leaves are gone, and the colors of this day are still alive with brilliant orange and gold. A lazy wind blows the leaves across theRead full post »

Dear Potential Employer:

I need a job.  I lost my lucrative Fortune 100 marketing job last January, the month where nearly 600,000 Americans lost work.

There aren't too many encouraging word  in the Flyover Region where my state's unemployment rate is much higher than the national aver… Read full post »

My sister-in-law left my brother.  They are in the middle of a divorce.  Neither is very happy.   I am happy that I don't know much more.

 She left him more than a year ago.  I want to say she left their son, because she moved out of the house.  But my… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 5, 2009 9:07AM

Feline Feces Management 1.0

With Son at college, the ritual, weekly changing of litter boxes has fallen to Mom. Being exceptionally lazy, I greatly dislike this chore. Rather than scoop, I bought 4 plastic litter pans from the Dollar Store. And when they are too disgusting, I throw them out and get new ones. (Oh,… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 4, 2009 8:41PM

Fruit Loops With Fiber

Some things are just wrong, like Fruit Loops with fiber.  A little voice in my head -- the one I should not listen to -- compelled me to grab two of the little boxes on display at Wally World last weekend. 

Why do I listen to that little voice?  It's… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 4, 2009 5:32PM

Hatchet Job

My brother has a saying, A M F YO YO, it means Adios, My Friends, You’re On Your Own. When the Big Bomb drops, when it all ends, when it all turns to nuclear ash, my family will truly will be on our own.

The mumbling has already begun about the next… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 3, 2009 10:00PM

Who Can Forget the Elk Snout Gazette?

I am terrified about what is going on in politics.

When I was a little girl, my family had lively political discussions at reunions. One of my uncles was a highly-respected Democrat who served on a local school board, which in that community was a partisan office.

We all held himRead full post »

NOVEMBER 2, 2009 8:19PM

A Weekend in the Enchanted Forest

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe."

--John Muir, first visit to the Sierras

As we age, don’t we grow a little bit more of what we are? 

Been to Muir Woods?  This forest north of San Francisco boasts hugeRead full post »

NOVEMBER 2, 2009 12:21AM

My Magical Night With Chester A. Arthur

People keep asking – with their sad eyes – just how I am after my  recent job loss. Don’t get me wrong – I am grateful for my friends and I love it that people care about me. And I am fine. But everybody is entitled -- once in awhile –… Read full post »

OCTOBER 31, 2009 12:13PM

Secrets of the Hot Oven Meal

Julia Child I am not.

Since Son left the nest  I have been cooking for Husband. Husband had been the primary cook since “The Incident in the first year of our married life, but work schedules now dictated a change. More on "The Incident" later.

I don’t
Read full post »
OCTOBER 27, 2009 12:06PM

Attracting What You Fear

I am deathly afraid of dogs and they sense my fear.

Yesterday I picked up a friend for a wedding. On our return, she invited me inside to see her new dining room set. I hesitated because she has two dogs.

Both dogs attend obedience training with their owners.

My friend said, “You… Read full post »

OCTOBER 21, 2009 10:45AM

Other People's Children

At dinner last night in a local restaurant we sat at a table almost completely surrounded by children under the age of three.

I observed an interesting phenomenon about parenting that I apparently forgot.

Parents think their children, no matter what they are doing in public, are the most precious, the… Read full post »

OCTOBER 19, 2009 9:53AM

December 21, 2012

My brother has a saying, A M F YO YO, it means Adios, My Friends, You’re On Your Own. When the Big Bomb drops, when it all ends, when it all turns to nuclear ash, my family will truly will be on our own.

The mumbling has already begun about the next… Read full post »

OCTOBER 17, 2009 9:07PM

Bigfoot. Runs Faster. Jumps Higher.

The Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor is anchored by a huge pedestal base, on which words from the poem “The New Colossus” by Emma Lazarus are chiseled.

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.”… Read full post »