The Raven Lunatic

Still trying to figure it all out

Bernadine Spitzsnogel

Bernadine Spitzsnogel
December 01
All material on "The Raven Lunatic" blog is copyrighted by the author. Author of "The Luxury of Daydreams"--available on amazon and all major book sites.


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AUGUST 11, 2012 1:54PM

Why did the chicken cross my road?

Rate: 26 Flag


We bought groceries earlier in the week so today we had the luxury of sleeping in.  Finally the heat wave in this Flyover State has broken and last night the temperature dipped into the fifties.  A very welcome change, and I opened all the windows.  

As a friend of mine who does fung shui, "Opening the windows gets all the bad qi (chi) out of the house."

Aside from the bad qi of a very hot summer, we have allergies and rarely open the windows.  Now stoked with antihistamine we open every window and screen door, and let all the air circulate all night.  A wonderful feeling until very early this morning when something other than the light wind whispering through the surrounding trees disturbed our peaceful slumber.

 Squawk.  Squawk.

Louder Squawk.

Whatever this torment was seemed to be coming from our roof. 

Since The Great Recession began, most of our neighbors have started gardens and some are even in the "Suburban Chicken Movement."  I'm a farm girl, but I'm still stunned to see flocks of chickens in the manicured yards of this neighborhood.  

To each her own--must be great to have fresh eggs daily.  

We hear the randy rooster about 24/7 but this morning it was unbearable.  Saturday morning, sixty-thirty a.m.

Squawk.  Squawk. Squawk.

With each reverberation of that red gullet, I felt he was saying, "Get up.  Get up.  Time's a wastin'." 

Apparently our local rooster is a member of the Red Team, because we turned on the TV even before getting out of bed and "Breaking News" was everywhere -- Romney To Choose Paul Ryan.

 Husband crawled out of bed and looked out the front door.

"You have to come and see this," he said, dragging my sorry Saturday morning ass out of bed.

There on our tiny brick porch was Mr. Rooster and his two hens, making a little symphony of their own about three feet from our bedroom window.

We debated what to do.  We're not anti-chicken, we're just anti-chicken on our front porch at six in the morning.

BB gun perhaps?  Maybe banging some aluminum pans together?

As the other non-chicken farm stood staring at me in his "Stewie" pajama pants, I slammed the front door, hoping to jar them back to their coop five houses down.  

They were unimpressed and stood there looking at us, then continued their cacophony of crowing. 

At their leisure, they slowly turned and walked away, down the hill and into the neighbor's yard -- not even looking back.

I asked the husband, "What drew them here?"

This started about a half an hour of chicken puns from my Beloved.

The chickens have come home to roost

They didn't want to cross the road

Our neighbors chickens weren't all in one basket 

We shouldn't count our chickens before they are hatched

This madness must stop, so I'll end with one old chicken saying that says it all, "The rooster may make all the noise, but everyone knows it is the hen who rules the roost."

Enjoy today.  No need to be cooped up on a beautiful day like this one.

Henny Penny. 





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The original definition of 'geek' is someone who bites off the heads of chickens in the circus midway. To expand your metaphor (I think it is a metaphor, but could be wrong), you set a pot of water on the stove to heat up, while Beloved, wearing his Stewie pjs, bites the head off Mr. Rooster, and you two enjoy a delicious chicken dinner. No one at the farm will miss him, and the hens will romp freely without all his squawking and crowing.
Ryan & Romney!!! Oh no!!! The sky is falling!!!
This actually made me giggle. What the heck did they WANT? Although I know I too would love to just show up on your doorstep one fine Saturday morning... ~r xox
It's probably going to happen here soon, too. My little town is allowing zoning to be subverted for chicken coops. I'm okay as long as we outlaw roosters as residents. Visitors in the spring, maybe, but no year round domicile.
As my mother used to say (and I never got it) "Chicken ain't nuthin' but a bird." Why'd the duck cross the road? Chicken's day off...
Sooo Nice on a day when there were so many negative waves and vitriol.
I Remember the chickens waking us up in Culebra. Sunrise or first light...And the the stray dogs started their barking down at the airport. Damn...I miss it. Must get back there one day.
It's a nice respite here in Illinois too. I slept soundly under a blanket with no rooster at my door.
I would add, "Don't be a chicken on OS. Speak up against bigotry!"
Very cute, Amy.
We had chickens on our front porch one morning too. Thankfully there was no rooster./r
It hurt our feelings that you didn't invite us in, Bea. We were all set to make you a couple of the freshest omelets you have ever tasted. Squawk? Obviously something got lost in translation.
Oops, wrong alter. Believe it or not, I was delivering a message from Chicken Mãâàn.
Exactly why we haven't branched out into the chicken business yet !
We do have baby pumpkins though...for Halloween.
Yeah, I'm practical : )
...but they're fun!
So sorry to go on about me...

What a bummer for you!!
I like the super-soaker idea -- I can see the chicken owners scratching their heads on why their fowl is so soggy : )
It maybe would stress them out too much for laying...chicken-keeping seems so...bothersome.
Eggs are good, though.
What a delightful tale - one of those episodes, I expect, that is more fun in the telling of it than in the living of it.Thanks for the smile!
You need to show your husband how to take a cell phone pic so you can stay in bed. Plus the flash would scare them away, right? Hilarious story. Am still smiling.
Were they trying to tell you the sky was falling, maybe? LOL

I stayed in, clicked on the news, and see that the sky is falling. Where is Atlas to shrug this off?

@Greenheron: about 20 some years ago, I read a book called Geek Love about a circus family of geeks and freaks. !
Lovely! I guess there are worse ways to wake up on lovely morning, but they must Republicans because they had something to crow about! (Did hubby think of that one?)
After learning how chickens are treated on industrial farms, I have started admiring them more. A friend of mine is a chicken fancier, and sometimes takes one or more of his pets to the coffee shop, and drinks coffee outside while his pets wander around, and entertain people. Considering the enormity of the evils of industrial farming ( I would say that it is better to tolerate neighborhood chickens, than eat the product of the death camps of modern agriculture. I buy my eggs now from a guy who owns a vacuum repair business, who has fifty free range chickens at his place. Worth every penny.
They felt as though they were honoring you with their visit.
EGGSactly! We too are relishing the 50's overnight. Loved this, but then I love all your vignettes and stories of life in the flyover state. xo r and thanks!
Hahaha, trying to catch up and so glad I did. I heard strange chicken like noises in the yard and my cat had taken to sitting in one spot near the fence. One day I looked through the cracks and there were two huge plump hens. Our subdivision is tiny and no one will care, we're allowed 3 chickens per house in our little city. I think it's adorable and I've considered getting a few myself, I really miss the taste of free range eggs.

I ordered 50 assorted chicks by mail from Murray McMurray and was pleased except 50 was about 45 too many. I can assure you that nothing drew them to your yard, they just wander around while they're looking for food. If you want to join the trend, here is the bargain assortment...
Ha Great story!!!