Beth Mann's Blog

Beth's Urban Tales of Wonder and Decay

Beth Mann

Beth Mann
Location
Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
Birthday
November 11
Title
Presidente
Company
Hot Buttered Media
Bio
I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song. And oh puppies. I effin' love puppies.

MY RECENT POSTS

 Some musicians are a little too smart for their own good. They're not bad or anything. Just could stand a little lightening up occasionally. A little...self-serious, perhaps. This is because they "smarted the fun out of music."

WARNING! Do not defend the band to us or you'd be seriously… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 8, 2012 11:28AM

Drug Dust Fairies and Fizzy Blue Seas



I walk by the house on my way to the beach every day. It's a massive, faceless house but it overlooks the ocean. And here, that means everything.

Last week, I noticed several cars parked in the driveway.… Read full post »

It doesn't take much to excite me at this point of the winter. It's cold, dreary and desolate at the Jersey shore and I wear pajamas and my "suicide robe" (as I affectionately call it) entirely too much. Teeth are brushed only if they're lucky. And one day… Read full post »

JANUARY 12, 2012 10:05AM

Unhinging the Bitch


“Are you calling me a liar?” I asked the stone-faced 20-something cashier.

“No, I’m just saying that lots of customers tell us a price is cheaper than it is."

“So you are calling me a liar. The cabbage is 69 cents a pound. Check it if you don’t believe me. B… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 22, 2011 12:30PM

To Touch You More

My good friend Peter and I


My New Year's resolution made over a decade ago was to touch people more. To break that social wall that keeps our hands and bodies a safe distance from one other. To connect more physically.

I'm speaking of the/… Read full post »

DECEMBER 22, 2011 9:02AM

The Only Good Holiday Tune

[This is a repost from last year. Happy holidays, all! ]


Okay, there's actually a small handful of good holiday songs and the rest should be candy caned to death. (The rest will be revealed at the end of the piece. Don't peak.)

Do They Know it'sRead full post »

DECEMBER 17, 2011 7:24PM

7 Things I'm Suprised I DON'T Like




Because of the popularity of our last Open Call, Alysa Salzberg (of Alysa Salzberg fame) and I decided to join forces once again and compose a complementary list to 7 Things I'm Surprised I Like.


Here goes:

1. Zebras

I love animals. LOVE them. They make me believe in God and everything… Read full post »

DECEMBER 16, 2011 9:52AM

The REAL Jersey Girls



Click on funny NJ map to enlarge.


Jersey. No, not like the show The Jersey Shore. That bears no resemblance to the South Jersey existence I'm tethered to. Mine is the Jersey shore that's entering a long… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 28, 2011 2:36PM

The Evolution of a Rock Star Dream - An Online Love Story


 
jellyfish_50

 

And maybe there are seasons. And maybe they change. And maybe to love is not so strange. - Dan Fogelberg, To the Morning


I'm going to give away the punchline: I fell in love with a
Read full post »

NOVEMBER 23, 2011 7:36PM

7 Things that I'm Surprised I Like

1. Southern Rock

Musically, I never saw this one coming. Born and raised on 70's pop, I should dislike this kind of macho heavy-handed, long-jam rock whose lyrics can lean toward bigotry and closed-mindedness. But play a little Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Allman Brothers, Marshall Tucker Band or ZZ Top and ou… Read full post »

 Ruby Lawrence, one of my closest friends and co-host to 11/11/11 party.

 

I met Open Salon's Cartouche last year. It was as natural as the breeze. We hugged and proceeded to spend a glorious weekend in Florida together, as if I'd known her my whole life.

So strange,… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 25, 2011 4:50PM

The Ghosts of Broken Glass


The dollhouse? He broke my dollhouse too?

In my early 20’s, I naively thought someone had to hit you to constitute an abusive relationship. I didn’t know that breaking all of your shit was also a form of abuse. And that’s what Bill did.…

Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 19, 2011 2:16PM

Why I Don't Wear Pink Ribbons













I was suspicious of them early on, though I wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps its that pervasive and cloying "pink means female" message. We suffer from a "cute" femmy disease and wear sweet little ribbons to prove it. Barbie should wear one!

After watching several friends and relatives die

Read full post »

OCTOBER 12, 2011 4:56PM

Stop Blaming your Age Already!

Years ago, I had the pleasure of watching Kazuo Ohno perform. Kazuo Ohno is one of the founders of Butoh, a distinctive, evocative and often disturbing dance form born out of the horrors of wartime bombing in Japan.

When I saw him perform, he was in his 80's. He was beyond mesmerizing.… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 6:44PM

I'm Having a "Dust in the Wind" Moment

Fall descends upon the Jersey shore. The tourists have scuttled back to their suburban box homes with their whining offspring in tow. Quiet stands a chance once again. And although this season ushers in some much needed peace, it also fills me with a sense of "Oh my god, how the… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 11, 2011 11:02PM

Cell Phone Etiquette for Morons

 

So you have a cell phone? Okay, well good for you. I do too! Fancy, isn't it? But remember, there are some rules to remember when using that spiffy telecommunication device of yours in public:


1. You're not special because you have a cell phone. Small children and… Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 11:06AM

A Stillness to this Place

(This is a short story I wrote for Redroom.com last week on the topic of "life changing decisions.")

 

This town is so empty. Even the breeze feels empty. A dead, lukewarm breeze.

 

Walking down the bleak, sun bleached streets, I wonder if there’s any life… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 27, 2011 11:27PM

My Own Private Hurricane [WITH NEW PHOTOS]


I’m looting my neighbor’s garden. Looting light, I would call it. Everyone has been evacuated and I’m one of the few remaining at the Jersey shore during Hurricane Irene. I grab a few ripe tomatoes, a batch of heady oregano. It’s all/… Read full post »

 


As a single American female in my 40's, I feel it my duty to impart sagely advice to as many young men as possible. As a surfer, I am provided that opportunity. Many young men have approached me with pleas of guidance. And I’m happy to impart.… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MAY 31, 2011 10:33PM

Depression and Weed - A Girl's Story

 [This piece was originally posted on FreedomisGreen. Chris Goldstein and I - both longstanding OSers - are editors there. Please stop by and check it out!]

 



I was ten years old and living at the Jersey shore when I heard the song  “Someone Saved my Life Tonight” by… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MAY 26, 2011 9:11AM

Patti Davis is Naked and I'm Tired

 

 


[This was first published at RedRoom.com, another great site for writers.]
 
 
When I read Patti Davis’s recent article in More magazine, where she “bares all” at 58, I was poised in my seat, prepared to feel inspired. 

My body, like hers, has… Read full post »

(This piece was originally posted at FreedomisGreen.com. Please stop by and take a look. Two Open Salon members - Chris Goldstein and myself - are founding members and met here! The power of OS once again.)

 



"Miss, either take off your sweatshirt or that woman right there will pat… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 17, 2011 10:20PM

Kristen LaBrie – Child Killer or Political Scapegoat?


I’m not defending Kristen LaBrie. Her case is hardly clear-cut. This single mother was convicted of attempted murder, among other charges, for ceasing to give chemotherapy to her 9-year old autistic and cancer-stricken son, Jeremy Fraser. He eventually died and she will spend 8 - 10/… Read full post »

My father left me to be with this family.

When you discovered my dead father last weekend, Peg, it went beyond the boundaries of friendship. I was ready to leave his body behind...but no, not you. You were determined, even after the tranquilizers set in.

When I went back to…

Read full post »

APRIL 4, 2011 10:11AM

10 Drummers Who Sing Well

This list came about when my friend Madge (see, Peg, I told you I wouldn't use your real name!) said that there aren't many drummers who sing well. So I spent precious hours last week doing music video "research" instead of working and making money so my friend could see the… Read full post »