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Beth Mann

Beth Mann
Location
Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
Birthday
November 11
Title
Presidente
Company
Hot Buttered Media
Bio
I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song. And puppies. I effin' love puppies.

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 31, 2009 6:54PM

The 19 or 20 Most Annoying Phrases of All Time

Rate: 91 Flag

 

gekko_1911_woman_covering_ears

 Shut up. Just shut up.


You hear them everyday. And perhaps you utter a few yourself. But they're annoying and need to be stopped.

This is a campaign. Climb onboard or be left to the sharks.

 

The 19 or 20 Most Annoying Phrases of All Time

Smile.  [Said only to women. Not your wind-up doll dude.]

Chill Out.                                                    
[So condescending and dismissive it almost justifies a bite to the face.]

Sweet!                                                         
[Frat boys invented this and it needs to die a fiery death.]

It’s all good, man.                                              
[No, silly, it’s not. It's clearly not.]

Everything happens for a reason.          
[And here I thought it was unadulterated chaos.]

Don’t go there.                                 
[Just did. So there.]

Let's touch base.                                                
[I often say this but cut myself when I do.]

Could you not (fill in the blank)?
[Generally said by haughty, passive aggressive women.]

No offense but…
[No doubt an offense will directly follow.]

Classy!
[People who aren’t tend to say it the most.]

You rock!
[Refer to above.]

Sorry but _____.
[Sorry should never go with a “but.” Defeats the whole purpose.]

I’m not going to lie to you...
[Liar.]

Um, can we talk?
[Goodbye good times. Hello lecture.]

Wait till your father gets home.
[Yes even this phrase from childhood can still fill me with frozen anticipation.]

It is what it is.

[Wow that’s profoundly…nothing.]

Just kidding.
[This “easy out” phrase that allows one to say whatever they want then blame you for your lack of humor.]

So what do you do for a living?
[It seems innocuous enough but you are now forced to come up with a short answer that will be instantly judged or followed up by a series of boring questions.]

You know what you should do?

["Oh, pray tell, authority figure.]

To be honest....
[Usually followed by a lie or something that will make you feel like shit.]


Annoying Phrases that Still Work

Smooth!
[Said in raspy voice while inhaling really strong weed or drinking tequila.]

You’re not the boss of me.
[Say it to anyone. Especially the boss of you.]

Bitch, please!
[Like a string of pearls, it goes with anything.]

Color me there!
[Coined by gay men in the 1940's.]

Don’t tell me what to do.
[Perfect response to “Have a nice day.”]

Oh no you didn’t!
[Said with sass, of course.]

That's what she/he said.
[Use liberally. Mechanic: You’ll need your front end replaced. You: That’s what he said. See? Easy.]

Whatever.
[A quick and cold way to dismiss someone almost entirely.]

Shut your piehole!
[Weird but kinda works. And kinda strangely dirty.]

You're a rebel.
[Said just about anytime to anyone about to do anything. "Hey, I'm going to the carwash." "You're a rebel.” You can also add, “They try to stop you but they cannot."]

To the Prince of Darkness!
[Used at formal celebrations when glasses are raised for a toast.]

Your mother does what?
[Needs to be said quickly and almost unintelligibly, after someone has said something you didn’t quite understand.]

Suck it.

[Short and effective.]

There. I said it.
[After declaring your dislike for something insignificant. "I don't like Coldplay. There. I said it."]

Your mother.
[Short and to the point.]

 

 

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Dude, I'm not going to lie, this post is classy! You Rock!

No offense though, I really think you look a bit down and sad in your picture. You know what you should do? Smile!
Wanted to write this but you beat me to it. Well....if it had been meant to happen it would have.

Bwahahahahaha extra deep.
I...I love "not so much"..

I want to think I use it well.

Does the fact that I use "shut your piehol"e often neutralize that at all?
For fuck's sake!

Dude, to be honest, that's my favourite. *running away before Beth tells me to shut my piehole*
I think I've just adopted "Not today, Sophia Loren, not today" as my personal catchall phrase. You might as well rename Thomas "Sophia" right now. Or Joan.
I love this post and will keep it for further enjoyment. How about this one as annoying: " Let's just agree to disagree". I find it to be incredibly passive aggressive. I love ALL of the ones you're sticking with.
Only one of these scared me. It was: Um, can we talk? or it's close cousin- We Need to Talk-- Either of these phrases makes me look around and starts me off into a possible psychotic episode and always shrinks my penis. YOU may NEED to talk but I certainly don't. All the rest were funny but not this one. How about this one:
I'm going to play in a poker tournament Saturday.
BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
or
DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
Well, no, not now....
I luh-huh-ove this kinda stuff!

I shall add my two favorite cringers:

Speaking "to" something. You can speak to another person, but you cannot speak to a topic. I start looking for sharp poker-like implements when I hear this.

"Going forward..." Oh, good gravy! What ever happened to "From now on"?

Rrrrrrrrrrated!
"No Worries".. I just want to slap someone when they say it and then ask, "are you worried now?"

Long live "not so much"... I love that one.
A longtime proponent of "you're not the boss of me", one of my personal catchphrases is "The great thing about being me is that I get to do whatever I want." Sometimes it's a snappy retort to some unsolicited advice, sometimes it's a friendly reminder said quietly to myself, but it's alway effective.
Too funny...which I know is phrase which should also be retired.

"Shut your piehole," though. It's not weird if you're an eleven year old Tatum O'Neal saying it to Walter Mathau, after he's just told you to "never say that word again" (The Pill.) And then you have to grab his cigar and throw it out the window of his car.

In fact I'm going to go right now and teach that expression to my son, and then go buy some cigars.
I dont like Coldplay; There. I said it. But that is not really insignificant, i have gotten in two bar fights over that, so now i keep it to myself.
I want to nominate: "I loves me some..." and "At the end of the day..."

Can we off those 2 as well?
Nice. My sister taught my 2 year old "Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill." which he unleashed at daycare yesterday. She probably got it from you, so, thanks.
Oh! Oh! I just thought of another one for the bonus section: "Big Wow." With just the right amount of condescension you can leave out the usual snide "oooh" that precedes it. I'm heading over to Fox Nation to use it right now!
Everything happens for a reason. No, it fucking doesn't

To be honest, though, wathchew talkin' bout willis and you rock need to swap spots. just saying. can i say just saying?
I like, "Well pardon my sarong, Harold!" Otherwise really fun!
my god you're oral.
Most of these things burn out after awhile. "Viable alternative" was the phrase of the 80s and you never hear it anymore. Only the classics will remain. Sweet.
For me...there is really only one.

"Whatever."

Using that word in the deeply dismissive tone that comes best from a world weary teenager.....is enough to make me want to take a bat to their skull.

I actually feel violent about it.
"You need to..."

Clearly I have no such need. Had I such a need, I'd be acting on it. Since you apparently need me to do something, maybe you should ask. Consider saying "Please."
"Everything happens for a reason." #1 in my book. Total crap.
Have to practice a bit to get these. But smooth!
Beth,
No offense but you can suck it because I was gonna do a whole damn post on "I'm sorry but_________". Although in my version the person must have a southern accent...and it usually precedes..um.. another statement.
WHATEVER!
Great post.

I can't stand the filler phrases "at the end of the day" or "when all's said and done" or "at this moment in time". ugh.

As in "at the end of the day, when all's said and done everything happens for a reason and at this moment in time, to be honest, 'cause I'm not gonna lie, but sorry, dude, we are all going to have to chill out and smile.

There, I said it for fuck's sakes. Now screw you all assholes.
I personally hate: God never gives us more than we can bear.
sweet!

sorry, i'm caught up in a lexicon of idiocy i fear i'll never free myself from, and i loved this list, so "sweet!" popped out before i realized it.
i AM working on giving up most of these, including some of the ones you can still get away with, but i can't see ever losing dude. two people who know what they're doing can conduct an entire conversation saying only "dude," with it's various inflections and subtleties of emphasis. when used properly it's almost as versatile a word as "fuck."
And hey, I lived in England, I can say "brilliant" if I fucking well want.
great lists - i loved the last two the best

personally, i can't stand " it wasn't meant to be"
"It is what it is" has been banned from my household and even my co-worker is not allowed to say it because I am the boss of the them. And I've been told to "Smile" by men my whole flippin' life! From now on I'll tell them to kiss by big, black ass. Rated.
Ooh, I hate it when men tell me to smile. It makes me feel so stabby, and I want to scream back "Don't tell me what to do!" But to avoid confrontation, I usually just smile with the lower half of my face, in kind of a pissed off, "There. You happy?" way.

I stood up for myself once, when I'd just woken up from a nap and the guy selling me tacos demanded that I smile. I said something to him about how ordering someone to smile is no way to make them happy, but then I was overly nice for the rest of our interaction, and since I'd used up all my gumption on that smiling thing, I didn't say anything when he put rotten lettuce on my taco.
Can I add "No problem"? WTF happened to "You're welcome"?

Oh, and since I'm from the South, "God bless her/his little heart, but..." I've heard you can say anything about anyone if you say that first. Bullhockey.
Not really a phrase but adding the suffix -gate to words to indicate a scandal is silly. Was Watergate was about water?

And, can we please kill "bling"? Please? I'm running out of sarcastic ways to comment on it.

My favorite - a coworker uses "giddyup!" Sales numbers over forecast? Giddyup!
Like, Oh my god! LOL

Pawed!
My husband likes to follow statements that he knows will get him in trouble with an affable "I'm just sayin`" As if that is going to absolve whatever he just said.
Oh, that is hilarious!

"Smile!" annoys me to no end. Don't ask me to perform. Next thing you know, it'll be "sit" and "stay."

dude, rated.
phrase you can still get away with:

"They pelted us with rocks and garbage".
I use the phrase "Go fuck yourself" often enough that my birds now say it. Oops.

The proper response to "Smile" or "Smile, baby," is to smile tragically, quiver your lip, tear up a bit, and say "My mother just died." Gets rid of 'em every time.
One thing I really dislike is being told that I'm taking myself too seriously. Unless you know me very well, just... shut up.
"You can’t (fill in the blank)!
(Said by people with teeny amounts of authority. "You can't sit there." Oh yes, I can. I might not be allowed. But I can. I can do anything I want. Watch!)"

My favorite response to this one has always been "And yet...." as in "And yet here I am doing it".

"You’re not the boss of me."

I actually had an underling say that once, I told her she might be feeling a little different when the annual review rolled around.

"Suck it."

That one works better if you tack on a "Be-yach" on the end.

And finally, not to be one of those annoying people but....

"Your mother." works better if you do it more street, "yo mama".

And just to cap being annoying, here's the smiley face : ) to show I am "just kidding..."
Yes, all of the above, but I'll add one more. "My bad" sends me into a violent rage every time I hear it. "Bad" is an ADJECTIVE, not a NOUN. Would you say "My green" or "My wet"? Hell, no!!! So why "My bad"? I just don't get it.
"Fuck me vigorously" stays. I own it. You can borrow it.

"The truth of the matter is" usually something else entirely. It MUST go.

Hysterical and rated, Beth. Seriously, dude.
Dude, this was like, so funny or whatever. You know?
I moved back to my native New York City (after spending most of my childhood in Amherst, MA) when I was 14. A year later (re: "Smile") I wrote a poem:

Pretty girls
don't have to smile at the world.
Don't have to give - and give it all away,
just because somebody else
has been denied.
And pretty girls possess tears and philospohies
that don't account for
bared teeth
and bright lipstick.
So, go your way now, stranger.
I don't owe my smiles to you.
You'll never steal your mundane daydreams
from my body;
never chisel your sad tale
into my heart.


So, okay, the poem is juvenilia. I'm 46 now (almost 47) and wouldn't write it the same way now. I'll say this much, though. It wasn't pretentious. That poem was straight from my heart and gut. I was so traumatized by the ways that men treated me, on the New York City streets. I felt like a slave on the auction block. I was humiliated, terrified and furious. "Smile?" How about a grimace and a kick where the sun don't shine?
At almost 47, I still get sexual harassment on the street. I expcect it won't stop until I'm a wizened, white-haired octogenarian (and then there will be other threats to deal with).
SIGH.
rated
consider "I love him to death, but ..."
Always used just before a hateful comment.
"Smile!" will elicit the exact opposite response.

*hiding head in shame because I use "to be honest"*
Great list - I needed a good laugh after the day I've had. Surprisingly, the list of "still acceptables" cracked me up even more than "most annoyings."

"Pardon my sarong" especially elicited a chuckle, because it reminded me of a similarly nonsensical catchphrase that my best friend and I adopted for no good reason in high school: "After you, Hafez." (We got it from a news magazine headline about Syria one day when we were fucking around in the school library. I don't know why it struck us as so funny at the time, but we laughed so hard we got the boot. Can we still say "got the boot"?)

Thanks for reminding me that I should totally bring that back.
well pardon my sarong, harold...oh my. I must use that one.

This is a fave post.
my hubby and are are crowded around the screen laughing our asses off - so funny. I will never be able to use "to be honest" again - thank-you for enlightening me to my true intention!
The worst was when I forgot what I was going to say, and someone says, "Well...it couldn't have been that important, then." REALLY? What if it was the secret to the universe or the cure for cancer and I just forgot?

Rated.
I must add that I am VERY fond of the expression "Captain Save-A-Ho," (as in, "I ain't got TIME to be Captain Save-A-Ho") as well as "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to slap a bitch?" Draw what conclusions you will about the kind of life I lead. It's pretty classy.
Okay, so according to Kerry, we're now going to be hearing SOPHIA!! instead of THOMAS!! Hmm, I like it.

You might like to add this site to expand your list of web bullshit phrases
Your commitment to excellence is a real plus, and I know that by working together, we can achieve our goals. A people person like yourself has a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to create change we can all believe in. I'm there for you. Yes we can.
This made my day. In a tears streaming down my face and bellyache way that I have not had in forever!
I kind of miss "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw." But it never annoyed me, so i guess it shouldn't be added to the 25 or 26 whatevers.
Your mother sucks cocks in hell - forgot all about that one! The 70s revival is clearly in full swing. You rock, dude ;)
Not today......pardon my sarong! I can't decide which to try first! You so rock, dude!
hmmm...should i rate this?

WELL, HELLOOOOO, LIKE DUHHHHH

(yes, i should)
Too funny! You left out "been there, done that!" and "feel me?" (I always want to grope the person who uses that last one). I also hate "WWJD?" Even though I'm a Christian, how the hell am I supposed to know what Jesus would do if somebody cut him off in traffic and gave him the finger?

However, you covered most of the others. Any of these annoying phrases could be acceptable with a little inventiveness. For example: "If you're going there, please get a round-trip ticket and come back on the next bus." or "It's all mediocre."

I love Della Reese's version of "Kiss my big, black ass" in the movie Cotton Club: "Kiss my entire black ass!" I've used that one often since I have the backside to "back it up!"

My variation of "been there done that and have the T-shirt to prove it" is this addition: "and sold it last week at a garage sale because that shit is old!"

I heard the best use of WWJD from a friend of my sister's when my sister told her she had to forgive a friend she was upset with for some reason or other. Her response: "Do you see me wearing one of those WWJD bracelets? No, you know why? Because right now I don't give a f*ck what Jesus would do - he's not the one that bitch pissed off!"
Whatever (A quick way to dismiss someone almost entirely)

Somehow - the few times this has been directed at me the (meaning my) response has been entirely (at least from the perspective of the speaker) disproportionate. I have spent a professional lifetime (as a lawyer in the courtroom) learning how to be ugly to other people verbally - without profanity. This is one remark which shouldn't be made - it is too dismissive, too disrespectful - unless you want to get into it with me full scale, ruin the evening for everyone else - just remember: you started it, and this is one I don't let drop
How about 'I could care less?' That means you really could care less than you actually do. The real phrase is: I couldn't care less.

Think outside the box.

Been there, done that.
Hate the "Smile" one. When strange men say this to me, I respond in the bitchiest tone possible (and that's pretty damn bitchy): Do I know you? Works every time.

My personal hate on is "My bad." It makes me want to strike the person saying it.
I'm inspired. As a white guy, I can't wait to start telling people
to kiss my big black ass.

P.S. For Lent, I gave up being charming.
I second the motion on HOPEFULLY. Edwin Newman, in his book "Strictly Speaking" went on and on with that one. What people are really saying is 'I hope I'll impress the coach' or 'I hope it doesn't rain this weekend. Here hope is a verb. When folks say 'Hopefully it won't rain this weekend' they turn the word into an adverb, and depersonalize the whole phrase. It's almost like they take themselves out of the picture. Why not just say 'I hope?' People are afraid to be too close to what they're saying. It's just one more way to dumb down the English language.

And 'Fuck a duck' was one of my mom's faves. I'll always like that one.
adding- "Get 'er done!" rated
Sorry, had to return. The word: Conversation (any context).
Loved this post. So validating, if only because I'm so behind the times that I never use the current overused expressions. I still think "dude" is funny when applied to your cat or your mother.
Undeniably the most genious lists, EVAH!!
I am facebooking this and emailing it to all my daughters, nieces and nephews.. I am feeling smug because I rarely say any of those things. I suspect my English husband could add a few hundred more American phrases and assure me I am deluding myself. Rated..
I was gonna add "With all due respect . . . .", but decided it is useful as a marker warning us a heinous insult is forthcoming.

My Tennessee farmgirl mother was fond of "useless as tits on a boar hog." Nice! Especially when used to describe politicians and health insurance companies.
Sorry, but I have to go with most of those that you "allow" being just as annoying (or even offensive) as those that you don't. Each to his or her own, I guess.
What, no "What goes around comes around?" That came in, and stayed, even before "I feel your pain."
Nice. The deluge of comments contained even more "Annoying Phrases of All Time." Taken together, you have the beginnings of a _Devil's Phrasebook_. Roll over, Ambrose Bierce.
Best. Post. Ever.

Oh, wait...
I hate "pushing the envelope." But I love "fuck a duck with a crowbar."

Equal hate to "back in the day" but still use "Your mama."
Brilliant. Insigtful. Far out. Cool. Right on. Get outta here! I'm hip. Hit me again. Been there, done that.
Here is THE most annoying: "I'm sorry if...." As in, "I'm sorry if shooting randomly into a crowd hurt someone." The subtext, of course is, "If shooting randomly into a crowd DIDN'T hurt anyone, I'm not at all sorry." You see, the problem is not my actions; it's your REactions.

BTW, you need to check on the singular usage of "woman."

Just sayin'....
"It's a no-brainer."

Hated it from the first moment I heard it (over 20 years ago). Why would an educated person choose to say something like that?

Thank you for this post!
As much as I hate to say this "due diligence" is not some crafty buzz word like paradigm, but an actually important concept in government, accounting and law. Its not going away any time soon.
you definitely saved the best for last!
Good list. I agree on most of them.

How could you know if "Smile" is said only to women? Or is it only offensive if said to women? I, a man, have had it directed at me on several occasions, always by a woman. The subtext seems to be, "My life would somehow be improved if I saw you smile and I don't care if you want to or not, do it."

I always dead-pan, "I am smiling."
"Shut your pie-hole"....its a staple around our dinne table....
A really bitchin' post!

A few for the list: "Got____?" "Synergy", "Paradigm", "Vision Casting" and any of the other bullshit corporate buzzwords belonging to this group.

A couple of my fav keepers: Any sentence that incorporates "chaps my ass!" i.e. "You're really chapping my ass!", and "Please feel free to attach a lip to my hairy white nut sack!" - best delivered with a straight look in the eye and utmost sincerity.
excellent and funny post... my top "most annoying phrase" was your last: "To be honest..."
Second the poster who mentioned "I could care less," because a) it should be "couldn't" and b) you most certainly could in most instances.

My most hated include "pro-active"--I threaten homicide every time I hear it--and "added bonus"--you moron, a bonus is something added.

Love this post. . .seriously, dude. . .
on second thought --- your list gave me the idea to use some of the not-so-annoying ones as comebacks when hit with a truly annoying and nauseating one. Try it at home!
1. "It's all good" can be countered with, "Suck it!"
2. "So what do you do?" = "Kill, kill, kill, kill."
3. "Smile." = "My ass and your face."

and on and on....
I hate " DUDE" . I always say " Don't dude me ever again"
Here is the link to prove it.
http://open.salon.com/blog/z_bitch/2008/12/19/dont_dude_me_ever_again
I don't really have anything to add here, although I do need to get rid of "to be honest" when I speak -- it makes it sound like everything else I say is a lie. I just wanted to turn off the italics! (Phew...)
Did someone use the emphasize tag and not the italics tag? Second and last try here...
Oh, do I hate being told to "smile"! Even worse: "Smile! It isn't that bad!" How the hell do you know?
I've been battling the blues lately and co-workers from out of state have mentioned that I don't sound as "chipper" as I normally do and keep asking what's wrong. I have two questions for these people. One, when have I ever sounded chipper? And two, why would you ask a near-stranger what is wrong over the phone? Next time someone asks I'm going to tell them I had an abortion last week and am having second thoughts. (Not true but it should shut them up.)
My #1 annoying phrase is "I needed it yesterday." Why don't you just come right out and admit you're a shitty planner and you're here to ruin my day?
Great Post Beth!

Honorable mention should go to, Would you like to add a (blankety blank) for a buck more!
My least favorite phrases are easily "amount due" and "delinquent after."

Where's the list of "25 most annoying lists?"
Pet Peeve: when someone who is not good at technology wants to sound like he's really on top of it he used the word "access" instead of saying what he means, as in "I accessed that information from the internet" instead of "I got it off the internet." Worse, it then becomes a habit so people use it for non-technology subjects: "The car doors are so wide you can easily access the back seat" instead of simply, "You can get in the back seat."

Another Pet Peeve: Using the word "grow" in ways it was never intended, designed to make the speaker seem modern, hip, and organic, as in, "Kristen and I are going to grow our family." You grow tomatoes, you idiot, not your family! Are your children some kind of vegetable? "We're going to grow our business." How are you going to expand your business if you're too stupid to know how stupid you sound?
Loved this article! One I still use is "Holy _______, Batman! (with word inserted that refers, usually metonymically, to the present circumstances). As in: "She's dating a Holocaust denier? Holy Ahmadinejad, Batman!"

Oh, and can we add, "I could care less" to the list? and how about "think outside the box."
Don't forget "I hate to say this but..." and "I don't mean to interrupt but...". I personally like "Get off my skirt", and when somebody says to me, "Where's my free birthday drink?", I always say, "If it was up your ass you'd know where it was!"
You forgot:

* In THIS economy.
I say 'Classy' about 412 times a day.

Does that make me a bad person?!
Can I use "dude" ironically? Pretty please? I find it useful when deflating pompous airbags in suits.

It worries me that you encounter, "I'm not going to lie," "To be honest," "No offense," and "Sorry, but..." often enough that they all ended up on your list. As you are well aware, these are phrases that people use to preface something which they know full well is going to offend you. So... are you surrounded by rude people, unusually touchy, or is there something really obvious that the people around you feel you really ought to be told?
close enough for government work
I'm all for slapping anyone who says "Been there, done that." Slap them lightly, of course, but tell them that was a warning shot. If they followed it up with "Got the t-shirt" then warn them to never say it again by dangling them over a highway overpass.

"Not to mention" is the stupidest phrase in the english language. "My favorite actresses are Frances McDormand, Rachel McAdams, and Mia Farrow. Not to mention Meryl Streep." We're not supposed to mention Meryl Streep? Why not? She's awesome. Or is it so obvious it makes mentioning unnecessary? If so then why are we not only mentioning it, but drawing attention to the mentioning by saying that it's not necessary to mention it?

My least favorite phrase though would have to be "It was God's will." It's seems to be the state sanctioned response to a child coming to a bad end. "Your boy falling into the half-frozen lake only to die a painful and terrifying death, pounding at the immovable translucent ice, yeah, that was God's will. God was all about that. He was watching and approving. Laughing even. You know why? Your son was going to grow up to be Hitler. Hate to break it to you. Oh, I'm kidding, God was just having a bad morning and a small tortuous death really brightens his mood." I don't claim to know God's will, but I'm pretty sure child murder isn't high on his agenda.
I prefer, "Kiss my sagging pink ass"
Well, there you go; I had to go and post a follow-up: http://open.salon.com/blog/douglas_moran/2009/04/01/beth_manns_annoying_phrases--a_follow-up.

What can I say, Beth? You . . . inspire me!
I agree with Ikilledhis wife about my bad, My kid uses it and I want to wash it out of her mouth
Phrase I hate: think outside the box. Whenever I hear it all I can think about is my brain being in a box. It certainly doesn't inspire me to heights of creativity.

My favorite answer to "do you have a match?"
My shit and your mother's meatloaf.
Frankly....and "To be frank..." make me want to smack someone. Kind of hard. Also, "per se". We have a manager that uses that all the time. I'm not sure he knows what it means.

Have to disagree on "due diligence" though. It's a term of art, I believe, and you are required to perform it when considering contracting in some contexts. Of course it has spread to mean ridiculous things.

I don't see a problem with "going forward". "From now on" doesn't have any obvious superiority.

For piehole, my sister uses this with her kid. Like this. Adrian! Your piehole! Shut it! Which I like very much.
Dang. Wish I knew how to close the italics. Maybe whoever started them could post a post that closes them?
Follow up to the Robin line, "holy (blank), Batman": "holy batshit man!"
"on a _____ basis".

Its not a daily basis - its daily; its not a personal basis, its personal; etc. This phrase is overused on an hourly basis.

"In my opinion".
Glad we have this one to distinguish your opinions from those of, say, the New York Times.
absa fucking lutely smells like the 80's
I think beth needs some wine~ that will make her smile:)
Great post.

I love "Shut you piehole .." ... specially piehole .. it has pie which I love .. it has hole which sound dirty . I need to use it more, specially around the office to pretty much everyone including my biggerthanlifemoron boss of mine.

For some of the phrases, what I found is that also depends on who is telling the phrase for example ...

"Can we talk?" If its your doctor you are pretty much screwed or your boss telling you "You know, everything happen for a reason ... " you are so fired, or "Dude!" by your dad .. time to call a doctor .. you've lost him in the woods already.

Keep rocking with your posts! (said with rocking sign included)
I quite like the quaint "Your Mother Works at Mc Donalds For Minimum Wage !" done with hand /finger movements to spell out the letters........ my friend's 15 year old sister said its out of date now but was hip on playgrounds a while back......
ooooooh !! one more plzzzzz. "Shut your noise !".
ASAP-guaranteed to make anything I do for you take 10x longer

Fuckin', eh! Man.-sometimes a question. Usually an agreement to whatever.
Totally broke me up. But I like "It is what it is," especially when it comes from a student who just got a grade of 40% on something. "It is what it is, Miss." Sounds sweetly resigned to me, and much better than, "You gave me a WHAT?"
I always hated this one with added gesture "Talk to the hand".
The one I have always hated is "quite frankly" as if everything else you said was bullshit.
Slide your list down a notch and make room for THE tiredest, shopworn, cliche-defining, blackboard-scraping, how-to-be-a-congressman phrase of all time: "at the end of the day..." (formerly "bottom-line" or "net-net").
clean coal
I'm a uniter
I learned, "You're not the boss of me," from my 21 year old when he was 2. I've hated it ever since.

I also do not like when people call me 'sweet,' as in, "Aren't you sweet?" I know they so don't mean that.
Why are all of these comments italicized? Is this another IT glitch?

Kerry!
Boy, you guys are hot. There are so many good suggestions here, I'm going to have to collect and integrate them at some point.

Thanks for your smartyness.

Beth
Okay, here are my two:

"Yer killin' me." My 19-year-old says this to me when I ask her to do ANYTHING. It makes me want to prove just how literally I can take that stupid expression.

And my all-time favorite: "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Well you bet your sweet fucking bippy you're sorry I feel this way. You royally pissed me off and I called you on it. I'd be sorry I felt this way too if I were you. But I do.
You rock Beth! (I do like that phrase -- there! I said it!)
But if someone says "things happen for a reason" I have no choice but to channel Monty Python and say "i fart in your general direction." and then try! (I'm getting good at it -- 7-year-olds are good teachers at the fart-on-demand thing)
"have a nice day"

never say it to strangers in Europe
the rest of your list is mostly childish
I don't know, Hugh. In French, they make an ART out of saying, Have a nice day.

To wit:

Bonne journee! (All purpose, "Have a nice day!"
Bon fin du matin ("Have a nice late morning!")
Bon apres-midi! (Have a nice afternoon!"
Bon fin d'apre-midi! ("Have a nice late afternoon!")
Bonne soirree! (Have a nice evening!)

Etc., etc., etc., and it's all only said by salespeople or other service industry personnel. At least, I never heard normal people say it to one another.

In other words, Europeans are just as glib and meaningless as the rest of us.
Right now I think I shall scream if I hear "Five dollar footlong" come out of anyone's mouth again!

Great ones.
I've always been a fan of 'bite me.'
Hugh...goodness.

It's a humor piece.
Thanks Persephone. He just needlessly sucked the funny out right outta my humor.
I, also, hate "my bad", or "dang", especially when it's coming out of the mouths of 9 year old white kids in suburbia. How "ghetto" do they think they are?

Another gem: When kids are talking about a game they've played, and they refer to it as "versing" or "versed" (as in past tense) another person or team. Drives me insane! It's not a verb!

My favorites: "Shut your piehole", sounds very British to me. Reminds me of Monty Python for some reason. "Shut it" is my new person favorite. Can't tell kids in school to shut up, so I tell them to shut it instead.
I love "Well, pardon my Sarong, Harold" and have already used it in my comments on another blog. Where do I send the check?
Not Bad Beth ...

Add to you "Still can get away with", from Putney Swope, concurring when someone has a good idea;

"I can dig it Swope, my mousetrap is yours" ...

Peace
JTD
The Garlic
"One of my best friends is gay."

as, of course, a justification for intense homophobia.
I had a CD once called, Scott Biao Mus Die, that was subtitled, My Ass Your Face. I think I've also used it for a fictional autobiography. Smooth I only use sarcastically, and Word is about 15 years out of style.
Um, can we talk?

Dude. You know what [i]you[/i] should do?

I'm not going to lie, chill out. It's all good.


On a more serious note, it's the obfuscating business speak that gets to me.

Let's leverage some assets to actualize some profit!
[/i]

Hrm.....I think someone forgot to close a tag.
Er, html, not bulletin board code, right.
These last two posts make me wish for a delete/edit/preview feature.
I think that'll do it.
...or not. I need to experiment somewhere else.
My personal hate -- "Oh, snap!"

Thank you. I feel better.
nerd cred, sorry, I had to delete your comment because it was turning everyone's comments into italics. sorry, sorry. Here it is, from Nerd Cred:

Bitch, please! What you talkin’ bout, Willis?Makes me want to slap someone. Every time. Fortunately I mostly only hear it on TV.

Most of the second set makes me need to reconsider the first set. I mean, Oh no you didn’t! With or without accompanying sassy head movement. Dude. Lame. Lucy Liu did it well on Sex in the City what? 20 years ago? Since then, not so much.

On the other hand, Well, pardon my sarong, Harold! There's a touch of genius in that.

Whatever.
I have a friend who would exclaim, "Fuck my dog!" every time she was surprised, shocked, amused or whatever. She said it so often that I started saying it too, even though I rarely swear. I still use it sometimes, though usually only when talking to myself (which I do often...talking to myself I mean).
How about my favaorite, "You wouldn't know unless you've had children."
Whew! I'm glad For fuck's sake! is still viable. My band has a song about it!
Beth, I only use "dude" for boys under the age of ten, and "It's all good" when I want to immediately leave the conversation thats not good at all. My plan is to slowly replace dude with "Harold", and "it's all Good" with "For Fuck's Sake".
Just Hope that last one doesn't get me fired
Loved Your List!!!

Here are two that I HATE:

1. I can not stand it when people use the word "irregardless". IT IS NOT A WORD, please, please, please stop using it.

2. I knew a person who would end every phrase or sentence with the questions "Do you know what I mean". One day I broke down and just said "No, I'm a fucking idiot and I can't understand a word you are saying".
OOH Irregardless! Ooof.

"Think outside of the box"

"Politically correct"

"Females"
So many great ones - "my bad" begs for a punch from me but the one that really gets me the worst is when people put the word "so" in front of negative phrases i.e. "I am SO not happy." "I am SO not ready for that." Or "I was SO telling him what I thought of him." Overhear these alot on the commuting train with idiot youngsters on their cellphones. Oh another one "It was SO fun!!!" It is all I can do to keep my mouth shut.
People say to me: "Don't go there."
I answer: "I *live* there."
This list is great, I didn't see it anywhere but I hope 'that what she said' doesn't get on the list. I love it, even though it's becoming a bit over-used. It's a bit childish but it makes me laugh every time. It made my family's last xmas eve a riot, me, my father and my 3 brothers decided we would insert that phrase as many times as possible throughout the night.
O come all ye faithful - that's what she said
Great list
I’m not going to lie...
(Oh well, bully for you. Guess its my effin' lucky day.)

You sound like a person who's been to New York :)
Some of your explanations just seem like DeNiro quotes that were too awesome for the movies. Rated for truthiness.
This was very funny and I enjoyed it and generally agreed with every One.

But the "Whatever" for some reason is driving me crazy lately. I'm getting it a lot in my hear hole lately (daily!) from the minors in my house.
it's not YOUR MOTHER it's YO MAMA. and you better be able to out run the person you just said it to ..or be willing to fight! my favorite MOST IRRITATING PHRASES...."SO!" usually said by angry teenager to adults. " BEEN THERE, DONE THAT"...can either mean ..i understand...or the one that most erks me..... your problem has no value or worth.mine is worse . "GET OVER YOURSELF"...another one that "GRIPES MY ASS." how about.".NO WAY, JOSE" ".I KID YOU NOT!"" YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT"....usually said before the first speaker has finished their statement .....by, of course, the local know it all. and last but never least "WHAT EVER!" and "YA KNOW!".....and i never really do. thanks for a fun look at how we dont express ourselves.....i really enjoyed it, ya know.
I decided to see how far this went, and I laughed! But then I remembered something that really "chaps my hide". When I am having an on line debate and someone makes an obviously blatantly false statement and I request some kind of verification they always say "Google it", which of course means "I am lying out my ass".

And of course I hate it when someone is describing a situation and says "literally". I always have to add "as apposed to figuratively?"
Shut your piehole this is RADICAL dude. I'm gonna lie, you SO do rock! Or maybe I tell the truth? For Fuck's Sake--I dunno!
Good post! I agree with so many of these.

Other phrases not to use:
"You know what happens when you assume, right?"
That one should be punishable by caning.

"How would you like to be Mrs. (his name here) ?"
That is horrible!
Sweet Jeebus Christmas that's a lot of comments...

Two things, if you're a female and you want a guy friend to stop calling you "dude," start referring to him as "dudette." It will stop oh so very soon after.

Also, my nephew tells me, "You're not the boss of me" all of the time. Except... I am, because no one else is around. So I tell him he can get some candy at the store. "Really?" Yeah. Go on. You can get it yourself. "Come with me?" AHAHAHAH, you're not the boss of me. PWND!
Sweet! Dude. You just emasculated all my transitional phrases. Sorry, but I'm not going to lie: I was going to say don't go there, but it's all good. I'm chill - it is what it is - not so much.

Anyway, you're not the boss of me. There, I said it.

For fuck's sake, will you add to the list "Nice (pronounced "Niiiiicccce", nodding) and "Each to his own?"

Your efforts are applauded from afar.

Word.
Ah, language - giving infinite possibilities for annoying one another. I am sending it a thank you note.
You forgot the timeless:

"Nothing."
(The classic reply to the question "What's wrong?" and you know damn well something's up)
On my personal hate list:

"Level the playing fields" - I hate this one so much. There. I said it.

"At this moment in time" - because of course the word "now" is just way too long.

"The Youth" - as in: "The Youth of today"

"wot do u do 4 fun" - When asked this question online, I give answers such as this: "In my spare time I hunt down people who can't spell and I kill them".

Suggested response to "what do you do?" - "As little as humanly possible".

And I HATE being told to smile.

P.S.
To be honest (I'm not going to lie) and no offense but, I still use Dude. I think that word is righteous. There. I said it. Rock on.
Frankly I'm only bothered by five, six, seven, eight-- or nine of these phrases.
I hate it when people say something happens "more often than not". Why the hell can't they just say it happens often, or frequently, or regularly, or all the damn time!
Oh, and I also hate when people pronounce the "t" in "often".
I saw that this was newly revived on the feed.

There are responses to the command, "Smile", in escalating hostility:
Maybe later.
I'll schedule it.
When you leave.
When I hear you're dead.

My daughter says, "Kiss my shiny metal ass".
It is what it is. (Really? Wow, deep.)

Was es ist, by Erich Fried. Any other fantastic love poems you want to pound on? Get some culture, you dumb #$@%*....
"It's all good!!!" I hate this phrase. In fact, just moments ago, I yelled at someone who used this. "We have to talk"......
PLEASE PLEASE ADD "ON THE GO"
My new best friend Tina hates that comment and will punch anyone in the nose who says it..
PLEASE PLEASE ADD "ON THE GO"
My new best friend Tina hates that comment and will punch anyone in the nose who says it..
PLEASE PLEASE ADD "ON THE GO"
My new best friend Tina hates that comment and will punch anyone in the nose who says it..
People (meaning men) don't order me to smile anymore, because I'm middle-aged now and invisible, but that's fine with me. I always hated it.

One of my favorite hated expressions is anything that starts with the word "Methinks." It is incredibly annoying and pretentious, and I wish people would stop. I also hate "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger." I'm old enough to know that this one isn't even a little bit true.

I love the Sophia Loren line. I might start using that one.
Nice! Yes I like that word "Nice"...instead of " sweet" personally. I really liked what all you put and agreed.

I also can't stand "Don't worry about it." (as in.."let me get that for you." "Oh, don't worry about it." uhm...I'm not "worried about it." I just offered some help!

Or "Just sayin"... (as in... "I don't like the color yellow, just sayin." just sayin what? That you don't like the color yellow..?ya I think I got that when you said it!

How about " Bra" (as in "whats up Bra." Just stop already. Enough said.)

I don't like the "things happen for a reason." Things happen cause they happen... I don't believe in fate. I believe we are in control our lives.
I had amazing things that happened during the first week after the love spell from prophet harry. my long lost boyfriend did a 360 and is now talking with me and wanting to spend time with me again. I can't believe after all that has happened he actually turned around and started talking and wanting to be with me. It's AMAZING! prophetharry@ymail.com is like a god sends an angel in my life. What can I say? my boyfriend and his new girlfriend just split up and he wants now to be with me. We went out together and he confessed his love for me and the love told me how much he wanted to be with me. I still cannot believe that he has turned around like this. I am in shock. He was so dead set on Nicole and not wanting to be with me, but now I can not see things turning around. prof was my last hope. After being disappointed by many spell casters that just wanted my money I am glad that I put my faith in just one prophet harry. I am in prof debt for a life time! ZiyandaDurban