(Let me just say, this post may be just a flimsy excuse to post videos and photos of Jared Leto. Just look at the photos if you're feeling lazy.)

I believe in magic. I have since I watched Bewitched when I was a kid. But since I can't twitch my nose, I realized, if you want something to happen, just envision it, vividly, talk about it, write it, say it out loud repeatedly. That’s all a spell is after all…and then live as if you know its going to happen.

That’s how actor/singer Jared Leto entered my life.

I’ve had a teenagery crush on Jared for several years now. I'm not proud of it. It's kind of a "gay" crush to have. It seems I should crush out on someone cooler. He seems like a bit of a self-involved Hollywood brat. Unfortunately, I think there’s something about his utter cockiness that actually appeals to me. That attitude that says, "Beth, you know you want to slap my pretty little face."


Last week, a friend was concerned about my sagging spirits because of a recent break-up of sorts and asked what would help me. I thought for a second and said, “Jared Leto. I want Jared Leto to pull up in a big, black car in front of my house. I want him to stick a single leg out of the car (which will be covered in tight, soft and worn jeans) and tell me to get in.

Of course, I'd oblige and have a steamy night out with Jared Leto. He’d have his hands all over me the entire evening. He’d stick his tongue in my mouth in an aggressive and bold manner.  That cockiness of his would take on a whole new meaning.

He'd wear this:


No, no...maybe he'd wear this instead:

At the end of the night (which would be the next morning), he’d drop me off and I’d feel all-better! Happy and high and heart-healed from Jared Leto’s scalding hot then icy cold energy. Of course, we couldn’t be together. No, no…he’s far too narcissistic for my tastes. But I’d be healed, redeemed, SAVED by Jared Leto. I'd let go of the real man ruthlessly and stupidly stuck in my heart like an old splinter and my confidence would soar once again.

Well, last week a friend emailed me a photograph of a guy she knows on the mainland. She wrote underneath “Remind you of anybody?” Sure enough, this guy was a dead ringer for Jared Leto! She sent him information about me on the sly and he sent me an email, asking me out. See? Just ask for Jared Leto and ye shall receive Jared Leto.

We exchanged phone numbers and the next day, he sent me a text. Since I already plugged him into the phone, it was quite exciting to see a “New message from Jared Leto.”  We texted back and forth and he said he’d call the next morning.

Well, the next morning comes along and no call from Leto.

I wish I felt disappointed. I just don’t care that much about meeting new people. I have a real " Leto comes, Leto goes" attitude. I know its prudent to hook up with someone, to break the spell of another, but it takes effort. Laziness and defeat easily overtake me. I've never been the "go find yourself a man" type. They tend to fall into my lap, sometimes quite literally.

I proceed to have an afternoon of surfing that lasts until the evening.

By the time I get home, I am famished and over Mr. Jared Leto. I hurriedly make a meal and sit down to watch some old Law and Order when I see my phone ringing. Sure enough, it’s Jared Leto calling. Let it go to voicemail. You need food, you don’t feel like talking and screw Jared Leto anyway.

But I couldn’t help but be lured in when I saw “Jared Leto is calling.” I pick up.

“Hey Beth. I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier. I had to go into work at the last minute.”

“Oh...what’s your real name again?”

“Shaun…as opposed to my fake name?”

“No, I just meant…Shaun, I’m eating dinner.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. How about I call you back in a little while.”

“I think I’ll be sleeping then.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“Okay, bye...ah, Shaun.”

I hang up, realizing that my cavalier attitude just cost me a chance to hook up with the very thing I asked for...or at least a version of it. I wonder what’s wrong with me for about 30 seconds then shrug it off and return to the safety and serenity and plot predictability of Law and Order.

Later that night, I realize I was a bit of an idiot. That I’m hanging on to the hopes of someone I need to let go of. That I waste too much time deliberating over loss and love. That I’m getting complacent and in order to meet someone, I may have to be…oh, what’s that word…nice.

And I have to try. It hurts like hell to try; it feels unnatural and strained but like a flabby muscle, its gets stronger...hopefully.

I call him.

“Listen…I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Yeah, you were pretty rude.”

“I know, I know…I’m kinda new to this dating thing and well, it seems…I’m just not very good at it. If we go out, you know, on a date, I promise to be as sweet as cherry pie.”

“Hmm…I’ll think about it,” he said.

Silence.

“Hey, Beth. I have to go right now. I have some laundry to do.”

“Laundry?”

“Yep. Laundry. Talk to you later.”

Touche, Mr. Leto. Touche. Beth Mann got the old blow-off by Jared Leto and deservedly so. The Universe had provided me with a hottie but I didn’t do my duty and receive him properly. Totally and utterly my cosmic bad.

Magic - it has a strange way of happening.