I have been surfing for about 7 years now. Taught myself.
It's a very difficult sport to master and I'm not even close to where I want to be. But I work on it, constantly. I surf because it maintains my sanity. Without it, I'm left swimming in a sea of dark mental chatter that threatens to drown me out entirely.
I bought a short board last Christmas. This is a very big deal. Short boarding is for the hotshots, the pros, the fast ones, the shredders, the rippers. Short boards are difficult to ride and require more control and manipulation. You "carve" a wave instead of coasting down it and build momentum with fast turns.
I'm 42 and female. I bought a short board that many men my size can't ride.
My first official short board by shaper John "JC" CarperLong boarding, on the other hand is easier. It is how many people learn how to surf, though I did not. It's a bigger and slower, experience. You can catch waves more simply. Its easier to find your center of balance. It's graceful and an art in and of itself.
In a nutshell, short boarding is like driving a touchy race car and long boarding is akin to taking a Cadillac out on a Sunday drive.
This is long boarding:
This is short boarding:
Two totally different animals.
I spent the better part of the bitter winter struggling with this board, wiping out repeatedly and spending agonizingly long moments pinned to the ocean floor in 38 degree water temps. I've been held under so long that I couldn't speak afterward, my facial muscles constricted from the cold.
Sitting in my truck, heat blasting and ego deflating, I'd wonder if my new board is simply beyond my skill level. It's just another mistake I've made. And a costly one - boards aren't cheap...long or short.
And the men out in the water didn't help. They'd paddle up to me, icy breathed, saying, "You really should try a longer board. It's easier." Of course, I knew they'd never say this to a guy. I paddled far from them and practiced. All winter. I stayed away from "the group" until I felt more confident. I didn't need their critical eyes on me, like watery vultures preying on weakness.
It's important to hold your own with other surfers. The better you get, the more you're "allowed" to surf with the good ones at the better spots. And they give you no breaks. They'll yell at you if you pull off a wave (meaning you chickened out at the last second) and they expect you to keep up with them. It's very "in club" and very competitive - male or female.
Very slowly, I improved and joined back up with other surfers. I could catch waves, drop in, make turns but still hadn't mastered sharp turns, where you use your back foot as the pivot. My board still feels like glass under my feet. It goes so quickly and my response time needs to improve. But I hold my own.
Still, the chorus of voices chant, "Get a long board, Beth."
An aerial - something I can not do...yet!Luckily, there is one voice of dissent: Kurt, the youngest of The Brothers:
Kurt, trying to look like a "70's porn star" as he put it.
I surf with him the most. He's watched me get tossed about like a rag doll all winter. It sucks failing repeatedly but having someone watch you fail repeatedly sucketh that much more.
A better photo of Kurt so he doesn't kill me.Kurt has constantly maintained that I could learn and master this board. I just had to stick with it.
He's heard people tell me I should get a long board and he gets equally defensive. "Why should she get a long board? She's good. She's aggressive. She just needs practice." I could kiss him when he says this. He's my crazy little lifeboat.
Yesterday, one of the nicest local guys I surf with paddled up to me (right after I caught a solid wave and was feeling rather proud) and I could feel it, before he even said it.
"You know what you need, Beth?"
"Don't tell me, Chris. Let me guess. A long board?"
"Exactly! How did you know?"
My face froze like it did in the winter, but this time with anger. I was pissed.
"I knew, Chris, because I hear it all the time. Even though you all see me catching waves on this board. Even though I've don't even like long boarding. Even though, if I was a guy, you wouldn't say that in the first place!"
"I just see that board slipping away from you sometimes."
"When?"
"I don't know. Just in general."
"Have you watched me lately? Did you see that last wave? I've done nothing but improve on this board. Besides its 7 inches taller than me...it's not even that short of a board for my size. What do you want me on, a big, fat, pretty cruiser board? Should it be pink with ribbons too?"
He muttered something about not meaning anything by it and paddled away, looking a little hurt and feeling badly.
And so did I. I don't like snapping at people. But a girl can only take so much.
The voices inside my head began their usual battle.
"You shouldn't have been so mean."
"Well, when can I speak my mind? When can I just tell people to back the fuck off? When can I be angry?"
Of course, this kind of battle rages on, regardless of surfing. It's almost as if the more I find "my voice" the more I alienate people. And then I berate myself for being...too much myself. I can be an angry, self-righteous and opinionated bitch. And I don't see any signs of changing these traits. If anything, they are becoming more pronounced.
But then the guilt kicks in and my inner shrew shrieks in frustration.
"What do you want, Beth? Do you want to be yourself or do you want the world to love you?"
"I want both. Isn't it possible to have both?"
"No. It's not. You just aren't that nice, that...likable."
"But I am. I am! I swear, I am!" the gentle, quiet soul in me protests. "I'm very kind."
I tried to be nicer to Chris the rest of that session though I was the one who felt insulted, degraded. It's the twisted way in which one lives apologetically.
"Sorry I spoke up. Sorry I got angry. Sorry I exist. Sorry I cried. Sorry I scared you away. Sorry I yelled. Sorry for my clumsy humanness. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry."
What a dilemma we women find ourselves in - or at least this woman. You either smile and hear limiting messages for the fortieth time or you finally speak from your gut and feel like shit about it afterward. I'm trying to eliminate the "feel like shit" aspect.
I'm trying to learn to short board at 42. It's very hard but I'm getting it: short boarding and telling people to fuck off.
Me on a shorter board: 6'7 last summer - photo by Laura Maschal( above - me, several years ago on a 7'2 - my biggest board and not a long board. I'm much better than this now - you'll just have to trust me!)
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And by all means, just keep telling them to fuck off. We shall continue in our battle to be heard and understood.
PS What a friend in Kurt.
I hear you on the "sorry" chorus. I get caught in that trap too. I'm always apologizing for stuff "I" don't need to apologize for.
All I can say, having been in your shoes, is keep at it. And find a good stock joke that addresses the sexism. Maybe something along the lines of "But Chris, I thought for sure the fact that I prefer to play with things that are short would be a comfort for you...."
"Why don't you get a long board?"
"Why don't you put a sock in it, bub?"
Furthermore, I applaud you in your battle to find "the middle ground." It's that line between assertive and aggressive, the one that you don't have to feel like shit about. ANY conscientious person, male or female, ends up having to figure that out, but I think women in particular have a hard time - especially nice women.
My guess is that they really are trying to help - but only Kurt seems to "get" that you really, really want to learn the short board. And who wouldn't? They are totally different animals. Why drive a 70's Lincoln when you can drive a sports car? No question which is more fun.
I've never surfed, Ms. Mann, but I hope you find your center on that board such that it becomes an extension of yourself.
You're obviously well on your way to finding your center in all those other ways, too.
Rock on, rock on.
Lainey, awesome points...and I know! That's why I felt so badly. The nicest guy was the "don't spill the beans" one. The final straw dude. He didn't know what hit him. There's so many jerks out there, why him? Why him? But it came rushing out. I swear, I tried to stop it!
A work in progress, indeed - the whole thing!
Emma, AshKW, ZBitch, Kaysong, Julie, Liz, Steve, Marie, Ocular, WSFTCat, welcome and thank you.
And yes, Kurt is truly amazing. He's right out of the movies. So funny, how much I'm learning from some kid half my age!
What I TOTALLY get is you trying to find your "voice", the guilt, the inner shrew, the dilemma between being yourself and having the world love you. AND the twisted way in which we live apologetically. You said it all for me today.
Keep short-boarding and keep up the good work with telling people to fuck off. You're my hero!
I too am trying to eliminate the "feel like shit" afterward.
P.S. I am too afraid of drowning to surf, you are so brave.
What is it with: "you finally speak from your gut and feel like shit about it afterward." I do that all the time. Yes, gotta eliminate the "feel like shit" part!
Perseverance, Beth, you'll get to where you want to be. And not just because you rock, you have the will and talent.
Oh, and you're already better than me, I never went in the water when it was colder than 65°...even that needed a wet suit.
you rock
Deborah, JK, LifeHalfLived, JustJuli, JLynn, thanks for understanding this place of which I speak. Its really why I really wrote this post. That eternal and internal and external balance I try to strike. And see others struggle with.
bbd, sactogator and michael rogers, your stories are inspiring. i could have guessed there was some surfers (and biker) among you. that's nice to know. its such an awesome sport (and I mean awesome in the AWEsome way, not in the Valley girl way!) Michael, you are right - the ocean doesn't know the difference.
annmarie, putting a sock in it will be advised the next time i hear "long board"!
I do, however, want you to consider that there is some chance you are mistaken those guys wouldn't patronize a man in the same way that they did you. It may be they would lay off a young, athletic man who they thought had potential, but I guarantee you they would condescend to someone my age, or anyone they thought too weak or too uncoordinated to handle a short board.
There is a lot of sexism, and sometimes sexism is easy to discern. But never underestimate the possibility that people are just being assholes, and a lot of assholes are equal opportunity assholes.
That said, I think you rock. I wish I could do what you're doing.
Again, even on a bad day, I'm decent. It seems to me that they refuse to see the progress I'm making. They WANT to believe something about me, regardless of the evidence.
Since most have no clue of my age, I don't think that factors in. IRONICALLY, the youngest guys are the most supportive of me. They are all short boarders but they never suggest a long board. They'll make suggestions. They'll spend tons of time explaining that back foot action I'm not getting (which is very similar to skateboarding.)
So there seems like there's something...limiting that comes into play when many of the other surfers deal with me. But you're right. They could be equal opportunity asses as well!
Nora, thank you for you kind and inspiring comment. If you are ever on the Jersey coast, I could show you how to surf. It really is as close to magic as it comes.
The other thing is, longboards aren't just for old surfers or training wheels for newbies. I challenge you to find a big wave surfer down the face of a 30 footer on anything but a longboard.
Regardless, I think it's terrific that you're pursuing this wonderful sport, and doing it in the winter time. That shows real dedication!
Never get a long board.
Keep finding your voice.
Fuck all that sexist shit--you shred!
I certainly don't poo poo long boarding - hell, I can't even do it. I've tried. At 5'5, riding a long board is like trying to drive a Mack truck - too much board for my frame to maneuver easily. The only two times I've ever been really hurt has been on a long board (a solid knock to the head - one knockout.)
Many of my closest surfing buddies are avid long boarders. But since it never resonated with me, I knew my goal was to go faster and learn sharper turns. I wanted speed and I wanted to learn to cut.
Truthfully, the waves in Jersey are almost better suited for a long board. We suffer from many months of "mush" - long boards can still manage mush, but short boards peter out. One could argue that the reason people rally behind long boards for me is that you can simply catch more waves on a long board, in more conditions.
All true.
As for your challenge re: big waves and long boarding - you may want to rethink that. Big wave surfing is a whole other enterprise and you can't legitimately call those long boards. Long boarders would perish in truly big waves. There's a great documentary (tried to look for the name) where a long (yellow?) board is passed around the world, switching hands from surfer to surfer. One fantastic surfer tries it in Hawaii, on big waves - can't do it.
"Guns" or "rhino chasers" are created for big waves and they're not that tall. They are specially designed for big wave surfing - not true long boards at all.
As for me, it was never the case of dissing long boarding. It was more the case that I've only worked on fun boards or short boards - and that seems to irk people even though I'm excelling! Which I find strange. The video above is the biggest board I've ever owned and you can see, when its in slow mo and when I paddle - its a stretch for my arms and my frame.
WakingUpSlowly, I promise I won't.
I'm so proud of you. Adults, even 20-somethings, just don't learn to shortboard, period. OOOPS, apparantly hard work pays off!
To the readers, surfing is the hardest sport there is. I was a 4-Letter Varsity athelete in school but not one moment of any of it compared to surfing big waves.
I could easily write War and Peace here, so let me just say this:
What most people consider learning to surf is letting a small, powerless wave catch a longboard that floats like the Queen Mary- I have "taught" hundreds of people to do this in Waikiki and Lahaina.
Now, to really ride a longboard in fast, dangerous surf is actually harder than shortboarding, not many can do it well these days, something of an lost art.
But, nothing, nothing, NOTHING in this world compares to riding a clean, fast and pitching wave on a shortboard. It really is walking on water.
Again, so proud of you Beth.
Aloha Kakou
I'd suggest that you develop a low key response to critics that makes the point without making you feel bad. However, I don't think you have anything to regret. There is a time to let go of being a *nice* girl. Give up the apology habit.
I had to laugh about your voice vs guilt dilemna. "It's almost as if the more I find "my voice" the more I alienate people. And then I berate myself for being...too much myself. "
That was pretty much me was I was 42 as well.
I can't say I'm super proud of myself, but what ended up helping me was being a real asshole to the right-wingers on the internet. That allowed me to express myself without doing any harm to the people around me (or get fired), develop my writing skills, and give a lot of people exactly what they deserved. It was beautiful.
Then, my "voice" got less angry. I can't exactly say why, but it might have been just a matter of gaining experience with the different registers of self-expression.
Who knows? Maybe surfing's going to do that for you.
"You either smile and hear limiting messages for the fortieth time or you finally speak from your gut and feel like shit about it afterward. I'm trying to eliminate the "feel like shit" aspect."
"It's very hard but I'm getting it: short boarding and telling people to fuck off."
It sounds like you're getting there.
I keep an old H.I.C. design of his ready just for the mushy days of San Diego and Baja...
Oh, nice backside in the first picture.
Big wave surfers use longboards. It's all relative though. In Jersey big is, what? four feet? On the west coast and Hawaii big gets really, really big. The speed of the wave alone demands a longboard.
As much as the surf on the east coast sucks in general it produces excellent surfers. Sort of the way that icy crap snow on the east coast has produced some awesome skiers. You should move to Hawaii Beth, you'd love it and, well it's really cool there and the water is warm and the waves... well you'd be over the moon!
Wow, you really rock. I don't know anything about surfing but I'm so impressed by anyone tackling a difficult sport in their 40s with such flair and guts.
Kurt sounds like a true friend. I'm not sure if the other guys are being sexist- I think advice giving is a kind of default small talk for some guys, just like inane empathising is for some women. We all generally mean well, we're just clueless. I don't think it's a coincidence that Kurt is so young- I think times are changing a bit and people are rasing their boys differently.
I'm very happy you have a surfer boy who believes in you so deeply and I am 100% sure I am correct in saying that all of us here profoundly believe in you too. Cowabunga!
You amaze me. Your tenacity with sticking with that short board is ever so cool. I love that you are teaching yourself to do something difficult, sticking with it, and doing it with an audience that isn't sure it wants you to succeed.
FWIW, my eldest daughter has been snowboarding for 10 years. For the longest time, she was the only girl who went up with the guys. She would come home covered with bruises because she insisted on doing the rails, sometimes on her shins acccidentally, but she also learned to spin in the air. As far as I know, she got a lot of support from the guys she went up with. I took it as a sign that maybe things were changing--that even though girls were still not willing to snowboard, that those who did were welcomed by guys. I hope that my view was right.
I'm sorry that it's not easy for you.
But man, I'm glad you wrote about it. I admire the hell out of you. And keep doing it. Love it.
Second, you are to be commended for not settling for less than you want. At anything.
Third, I completely understand the point of this post. Last Saturday I was hiking and was crossing an access where five horses and riders (three with kids on them) were crossing in front of me. Some guy comes down the road and I motion him to slow down with my hand. Ya know, just sos he doesn't spook the horses while they cross. That asshole rolls up to me, lowers his window, and says, "I was already going twenty-five fucking miles an hour." Real fuck you attitude.
I turned to him and responded, "Yeah, well no matter how fast you were going, it was too fast to roll up on five horses." He then rolls his eyes (like, oh little lady, what do you know?) and I shoot back with, "Maybe it was your hostility that made it look like you were going faster? No matter how slow you were going it was too fast for five horses with kids." Again, he gives me the asshole look in his mirror as he drives past. I shout, "Go take a walk, you angry, angry little man!" and flip him off.
About three miles later he approaches me coming the other way and I'm thinking about what he'll say and how I'll respond. He just lowered his head and slunk past.
Ha ha. I'll bet he expected me to say, "oh, sorry, hem haw, blah, blah..." when he spoke to me from the car. Maybe I surprised him when I matched him attitude for attitude.
I'm over taking crap from people, especially men, who think they can say whatever they please to me because of my gender and age. And, it looks like you're there too.
Good for us. Life is too short to take it like a "lady".
Ha...first laugh of the day always feels good.
These comments are to everyone in general and to a few specifically. Have to work in 10 but wanted to say a few things:
* The Pacific - certainly a whole other animal. That's where I "learned" - in San Francisco at Ocean Beach. If you haven't been, its one of the meanest beaches ever! Almost died there but other story. At that point, I rode whitewater and just practiced getting up repeatedly. On a short board, to boot (at THAT point, I could have stood for at least a fun board!)
* Long boarding. Yes, ablonde, highly skilled individuals can ride long boards in big waves (the video above shows examples of more complex long boarding) but when it comes to big wave surfing, there are special boards for it. As you pointed out, we'd have to define big waves. I'm thinking The Mavericks, etc. Lethally big waves. In NJ we see the whole spectrum. Summer - many crappy 2 - 3 foot days. Winter, I've been in overhead surf. The picture above is at the end of summer, post Hurricane Hanna - that wave is substantial. 6 foot, maybe. NJ gets a bad rap but truthfully, the surf here can be amazing. Hawaii is so different - long, big waves you can ride forever (I have surfed there at Diamond Head.) What I wouldn't do for that now...BECAUSE then I can practice those turns. More time on the wave, more time to carve.
* OahuSurfer, so glad you checked in. Wanted your expert opinion of course. Was going to PM you, if you didn't.
* Drew-Silla: There's a mixture of that kinda weird talk here. Lots of "Dude! Did you see that lip I just caught. I nailed it, dude." That kind of thing. Here, watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phnArJV8jJg
* To Ric and others who mentioned speaking up and finding your voice, it's a real process. I really wrote the piece about that. Maybe as you learn to speak your mind and direct that anger to more worthy targets (as someone pointed out), it softens.
Sometimes its anger and sometimes its just hurt feelings. The more I tell people, "Hey, I didn't like when you said that," it seems to elicit a distancing response. I also believe people are becoming less adept at having adult convos about emotions. People get so panicky! And its taken me years to tell others how I feel. And now they're running for the hills! Ha...
* Mamoore, would love to see the shots.
* Princess Fiona, Kurt is one the main reasons I've stuck with it. It's amazing how transformative even a little support can be. Makes you wonder how that can apply to so many places in life.
But to all, your feedback has been so - well, its why I'm here. I feel blessed to be working with such a great group.
Thanks for inspiring me (and I think many others) to rise to the challenges of fulfilling goals, no matter what our age.
I have a friend in Hawaii who I "see" through Facebook - another 42 year old surfer - but i get mad at her because she posts things like "I kinda want to surf, but I'm comfy just soaking up the sun in my tropical backyard..."
Year round east coast surfers are heroic - I hope you have a great summer with your short board.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Geez, Beth, I can't even haul myself up on a windsurfer or water-skis, and couldn't even in my more-or-less fit youth. I never had a body like that (& at 55 I never will).
You rock!
Lea, I knew you'd get it!
Gwool: Funny thing with me? I'm growing backward. I swear. Some of my most unhealthy years were in my 20's, partying like a fiend, totally disconnected from myself and my body. It has only been in the last few years that I've found my real physical stride. Taekwondo undoubtedly started me on that path. I think surfing will be something I'll always do - but who knows? The most I'd ever move to is a fun board - a little bigger and fatter than a short board - which I use occasionally anyway.
I have so many self-limiting messages in my head but when it comes to my body, my health and aging - I feel pretty damn good. Again, earlier in life, I felt a physical wreck. Now I feel good. (Though my neck is stiff today from a serious wipeout a few days ago - but that's because I didn't stretch beforehand. Stretching is everything, everything. That will keep you in shape for life.)
fingerlakes, I hope she keeps it up, snowboarding. I hear that's just as addictive. many surfers can't believe I haven't tried it.
con - ouch! it's not that bad here. you saw the picture above. does that look like a leaf pile? poor jersey, its get such a beating.
erika, thanks for the props!
ralph, i don't think i'll get much shorter of a board!
Funny story, before I became very ill after my poisoning I was teaching my daughter how to surf and I bought her a Morey Doyle big ol' wave buster of a board. We were down at the north end of Va. Beach and she was out beyond the sand bar, tide coming in....when I noticed porpoise and fish jumping....and a fin...I swam out to her...put her on a wave... and then I started body surfing back in towards the bar holding my head up out of the wave when a bill Bull shark came up with his head out of the water too and tried to take a bite out of me. I rolled my arms and body to the right and cut the wave but that shark rammed me in my left side, breaking three ribs.... Having made it to the bar I then jumped the next wave to the beach and again the damn shark who had cut through the slough was on me again...I grabbed the big bastard (or bitch) and let the wave wash us up on the beach....as the wave pulled back with the force of the undertow...I pounded the shark on the nose and pushed it away from me...it cut the crap out of my chest with its coarse skin and while I was there with it in a bear hug some Asian tourist were taking pictures....when some woman yelled for her husband to help me....he said, "He looks like he is doing just fine" and snapped another picture. Later that day, when the experts from the Marine Museum asked me about the attack....they said...." Oh so you provoked the shark into attacking you." No wonder people hate bureaucrats. Anyhow, my daughter....has not gone back in the water... and according to the authorities...it's my fault.
Have you had any encounters of a 3rd kind with the men in gray?
I'm sure there's plenty of sexism but honest, mostly I think surfers just want other competent surfers out there. At least in Santa Cruz. Cuz it's awfully crowded out there.
I saw a fin - just like in the movies - small fin moving quickly, growing into a bigger fin - that whole look. I knew right away what it was and the next thing I know, I was at the shoreline. I think it was like the cartoons, where my feet scrambled ON TOP of the water.
I do see a lot of fins out there. And black shadowy things. Its surprising how unafraid I am if other people are there but how scared I can be when out there alone.
Which is strange. What, do I think company is going make the initial bite less painful? Or is it that weird logic that the shark may get them instead of me, so not to worry?
Mr. Moran, lucky you to have such primo real estate. Wouldn't I wouldn't do for that spot!
As for competency - that's the thing. I'm MORE than competent. I'm better than - or as good as - half of the guys out there (unless I'm out at the fancy spots. Then I'm better than 20%, since the pick is so much better - and again, at those spots? Most of them have short boards so they wouldn't say anything to me.)
I don't struggle to catch waves. I catch waves. I make big drops. I can't carve very sharply but I can carve. That's the basics of short boarding and I possess those skills. Wonderfully? Not yet.
There's some other factor at play. I can feel it. You have to remember, I TRULY hear it on a weekly basis. Sexism is a weird thing - you develop a radar for it after a while. Do I think every one of those guys is sexist? No. I think there's an ELEMENT of sexism at play - especially since I'm doing decently.
I read somewhere years ago that parents raise girls with more fear than boys. If a little girl is doing something risky, they tend to freak out more. If a girl hurts herself, they coo and soothe more. And actually, that leads to a girl who can be more afraid to try things. Whereas boys learn risk-taking with more social support.
I have a feeling there's a sense of that that comes into play.
I've never tried surfing, I sure like the music.