1. We Stopped Bagging our Own Groceries
Perhaps it was different where you came from, but where I grew up, we worked with the cashier. It was our food after all and besides, it saved time for you, the cashier and the poor sap behind you. Now people mindlessly stand there, plastic card in hand, wishing she’d move a little faster.
Possible Societal Implication? We’ve become spoiled, apathetic babies who will soon expect the cashier to cook our food and spoon-feed it to us.2. Men Started Shaving their Chests
I’m not sure when smooth chests became de rigueur but its a little weird. What’s with the need to be totally hairless? I, for one, find chest hair on a man to be a sexy thing. Then again, women have been aiming for baby-like hairlessness for quite a while so why shouldn't men experience the “joy” of a good hot waxing?
Possible Societal Implication? We’re desperately trying to escape the fact that we are, in essence, hairy beasts. Or we’re trying to become babies again. Our constant pursuit of youth (which hairlessness signifies, I guess) affects men as well as women. Even babies are feeling ancient.3. Vehicles Began Making Too Many Sounds
I won’t even get into the horrendous and needless noise pollution created by useless car alarms or the myriad of chirps constantly going off as people try to figure out how to activate them. I’m trying to figure out when it became mandatory that all trucks go “beep beep beep” when in reverse. Why didn't we get to vote on that? What, were blind people and children getting plowed down left and right before this new form of audio torture?
Possible Societal Implication? We're overly regulated and no longer know how to use a rear-view mirror.
4. Libraries Became Noisy
It may be different where you live but our library is no longer allowed to enforce a silence policy. Our library in the summer makes a Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday seem tame. What’s next? Keggers in the church? Orgies in the classroom? Is no space sacred? Libraries used to be a sanctuary – a place for the mind to settle and focus. Now children run in maniacal circles while their parents talk loudly on their cell phone (on the other side of the library. Shhh...they don't want to be disturbed!)
Possible Societal Implication? We’ve lost any sense of self-discipline or sanctity of space. The need to spill over has become so widespread, that you’ll probably bring a cell phone with you to your grave. (Reception sucks 6 feet under, by the way.)
...oh and many of our kids have become undisciplined monsters.
5. Antibacterial Products became Commonplace
Clean wasn’t clean enough for the anal-retentive, sexually fraught homemaker. Germs are everywhere and this is war! If she could scour her hands with bleach, she would. But for the time being, these industrial strength germaphobe products will protect her from all the dirty, invisible things out to get her.
Possible Societal Implication? The idea of uber-sterile cleanliness has become an obsession because we’re control freaks and spend too much time indoors. And women need to be fucked better overall.6. Our Workdays Went from 9 - 5 to 8 – 6
Even though the average workday is slowly becoming a thing of the past, it's very Big Brother that our 9 – 5 slowly morphed into an 8 – 6. As if we wouldn’t notice! But we didn't, really. Now Dolly Parton’s tune sounds almost antiquated.
Possible Societal Meaning? We're still a slave to the man.
7. Those Stupid Blow-up Christmas Things were put on Lawns
Come on. They’re not cute. They’re not quaint. They’re stupid and tasteless. I don’t even think kids like them.
Possible Societal Meaning? We are inundated with such generic nonsense that we’ve lost any sense of aesthetics or taste.
Ho, ho ho, I'm a tasteless eyesore!
8. People Stopped using their Turn Signals
What, are they too good for you? Well, then don’t trouble those tired little fingers of yours. I’ll use my telepathic skills instead.Possible Societal Meaning? Turn signals indicate a sense of consideration and concern for the other. That’s going, going, gone.
9. Parents started Talking on their Cellphones While Pushing a Baby Stroller
My brother mentioned this one. He wondered whether a child subconsciously feels the disconnect that happens when a parent mindlessly pushes a stroller while talking on the phone. Regardless if you believe it, one thing for certain: this is not quality parent/child time.
Possible Societal Meaning? Our cell phones have a life of their own at this point. They're stuck between our legs, plastered to our face and checked maniacally. Our need for connectivity has made us extremely disconnected. And sure, kids feel that.
10. People began using Giant Plastic Wheelbarrows for a Day Trip to the Beach
Every summer I watch men and women break their backs lugging these massive plastic wheelbarrows packed to the gills. Can anybody pack light anymore? Do you really need the effin' kitchen sink with you? Those same people insist on air-conditioned rental units with cable television and internet service. Why leave home at all? Pesky nature, not cooperating with your needs again!Possible Societal Implication? Gluttony and dependency on stuff to the nth degree. We all need dumped in a jungle with a compass and Swiss Army knife.
11. Food Became Too Orange
Have you seen a Cheeto lately? It’s not just orange: it’s shockingly orange. Listen, I can pig out on snack foods with the best of them - I'm no health food nut. But you have to wonder how you can blithely consume something that may in fact glow in your intestines.
Possible Societal Implication? We’re all going to hell in a neon orange hand basket.
Your intestinal tract after too many Cheetos
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Comments
I still help bag my groceries, it just seems like common sense to me. Speaking of which where is THAT anymore?
I'll not hijack your blog comments anymore other than to say YES, I agree and Rated!
Awesome. I agree. Although I'm a bit disturbed by Burt Reynolds on a bearskin rug.
Rated
This is a great post. (I prefer my chest hairy, if it's alright with you.)
The only men who have any legitimate reason to shave their chests are world-class swimmers.
But, I must take an exception to your snack photo. Those are not Cheetos. Those are "cheese puffs". Cheetos are bumpy, and sometimes are shaped like penises or Jesus.
Well aaid.
Wonderful societal analysis. You're right about all of them! Especially the plastic Santas on the lawn. Gark!
Gotta go get me some cheetos now.
#1: Yes, actually I am waiting for them to cook it and spoon feed me cuz I am SICK of doing the cooking!
#2: Chest-shaving came from our friends in the gay community; they've had more influence on our cultural trends in the last 10 years than Oprah.
#3: You forgot about leaf blowers. I will kill myself over the noise of a leaf-blower someday.
#5: Anti-bacterial everything comes from our Obsessive-Compulsive friends who have had more influence on our cultural trends in the last 10 years than Oprah! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I always say!
#6: Yes, I am a slave to the Man. And he isn't very nice.
#8: Is why I don't pack a gun in the car with me.
#9: Too sad to even comment on.
#11: I don't know. I don't think my beloved Dorito's could ever be too orange.
And I second M. Chariot on the year-round winter hat accessory for men. I saw a guy wearing one at the park, yesterday. It reached 102 degrees here yesterday. What a douche.
I do my part to help bag and I also put my groceries on the conveyor belt in the order they should go in the bags...heavy to light. I know, this makes me a control freak in the check out lineup. So I probably need to get f***ed better...at least before I go shopping.
Did I say great list yet? Great list Beth. Insightful and well done.
I love your ruminations.
that's right....those are cheese puffs! cheetos do look more like jesus or penis, jeanette!
re: antibacterial stuff, exactly. our bodies become less resistant, resilient. its bacterial overkill.
bobbot, may no one ask you to get a brazilian. they're deadly and extremely painful. i don't know if men CAN get brazilians, can they?
and good point, re: insurance companies. sounds like that noise pollution was needlessly added to protect their asses.
monsieur, you (and your friend) are so right. those hats are terribly annoying.
and penrose, thanks for the props on the photo. I really love that photo actually.
deborah, i think you're dead-on re: gay community and chest shaving. still, i wonder why. i know when i touch a guy's chest and he shaves, that kind of stubble just feels weird. it's never smooth. nor would i want it to be. just weird.
jk, good point re: other noises. my cell phone makes a camera noise while shooting pix. necessary? absolutely not.
universal healthcare and better sex would alleviate most of these nuisances.
5 and 7 are two that can really get me goin', but there's not a false note in your list, but for disgusting food colors nothing beats the "Flamin' Hot" line of Cheetos, etc, definitely suggest something that cheetah mascot puked
you do cranky pretty damn well. I like.
3. the backing up sound isn't really to warn someone as much as it is to say I've warned you so now you can't sue me if I hit you. You can still sue them, though.
4. the City of San Jose Library not only lets you talk in more than half the floors, but you are allowed to eat and drink in them as well. They even have their own cafe there. Way to protect books!
7-10. I hate these people.
I can't wait to read your post. (Where is the damn strike key in comments?) Beth, I am looking forward to reading your post. There that is better. I really am going to read your post. Sorry, right now I have to get back to Burt and the hairy-chest daydream.
rated
Personally I think I'm in compliance with everything, but the baby stroller phone thing.
What I want to know is why a woman has to wax every damn hair off of her netherlands? Sure I can understand a fad or a playtime experiment, but how long is this trend supposed to last? I'm sick of it myself and long for the days of a well trimmed (or at times, not so) happy place to nuzzle.
Good rant, Beth. BTW, I not only bag my own groceries I INSIST on bagging. Otherwise I tend to wind up with six cans of soup in a bag with my eggs. For some reason, no one is interested in teaching people proper bagging technique.
I thought the mom strolling by my house was having a rather intense conversation with her baby. Then I saw the cell phone!
I'd like to also mention those parents who drink beer while taking their tykes trick or treating. A sure sign of something!
What about the persons who talk on their cellphones while in the checkout line? They'd have to put the dang thing down to bag their own groceries.
I seriously believe that many people have not only lost the power to think for themselves, never mind their common sense, but are utterly incapable of considering the needs of others. Me, my, mine rules the universe.
(But I'm totally with you on most of that stuff.)
Oh, and I like having my groceries bagged. Supers should employ kids as baggers. The cashier should indeed move the line along instead.
I seldom frequent the library, and we never put plastic, inflatable ornaments on our lawn.
No baby strollers, no days at the beach, and none of that orange food, no sir!
I do have a cell phone, but I rarely use it... except when I have to answer it because someone is interrupting whatever else I happen to be doing.
Rated! ...for values
I like when I go into a gas station and the person behind the counter is on a personal call the entire time they are ringing me up. Or they are so engrossed in a conversation with the other counter attendant that they can barely be troubled to tell you how much you owe for a damn pack of gum.
I hate this town.
I have to admit, I felt more at home when men started shaving,....(OOOps, TMI).
the cel phones in libraries I cannot abide, the same goes for texting a funerals! You would think they could at least not text while standing at the viewing!
And Dang! the beach! Boogie boards were designed as sleds. Don't people know that?
I'm with ya on these Beth...........
I knew I'd be met with several "it saves lives" but does it? And at what point have we lost the ability to control these devices? I mean, you can't turn it off or on.
And would a hyped up kid hear a monotonous beep that he/she hears every day and think "Danger"?
Doubt it, frankly. It's just become droning noise pollution that we all become accustomed to. A new form of it. AND we have no control over it. Just like car alarms we have little control over.
And I was curious: how did it happen? Who said "We must put these alarms in all trucks of a certain size." And why don't I have some say on it?
And of course, the bigger problem is car alarms in general. Do people really believe they protect your car that much at this point? Can we justify more sound intrusions for safety and property protection?
Does any of that make sense? I just had a Cheeto and it went to my head.
Re: Burt Reynolds, I know its not my shot and I probably don't have the "right" to use it per se...but I'm soooo happy to use it! It's my most favorite blog pix perhaps. It's so beautiful. I feel particularly blog proud.
Thanks to all of your comments. This made my day, all this smart and lively interaction.
2. With ya. And I've only just learned about women shaving their arms. Uh oh, I'm on the hairy side.
3. Doesn't bother me in the least. As a matter of fact, that backing up noise gives me fond memories of when my now-car-geek 19-year-old loved to watch construction trucks.
4. *look of chagrin*-- I may be one of those loud mouths. Depends on what you mean by "loud."
5. Yep. Not sure why, but germs just don't bother me. I eat off the floor rather easily.
6. Now you're talkin'. Our French friends are in town for a little vacation because their whole country takes the month of August off. (Remember that summer not too long ago where thousands of old people in France died because of the heat wave? My friend says it's because all their working age children were on vacation and not checking on them.)
7. Yeah, I kinda judge people on the basis of that sort of thing. I'm dead serious. A mental curtain closes on an acquaintance's potential friendship if I catch something like that on their lawn. I suppose that makes me shallow. Same when people start talking about zodiac signs. (I know I've just lost a few of you on that one).
8. I don't really run into this the way other people seem to. (And no, that doesn't mean I'm the one doing it!)
9. This one actually worries me. I agree with you 100%. *wrings hands over the state of 'our society today'*
10. Reminds me of my husband, whose mantra is "ultimate flexibility." Like, "We may need these tennis racquet on the ski trip!"
11. You crack me up. I'm compelled to mention our French friends again, who, back when they first moved here (for a two-year stint), went grocery shopping determined to live and eat like Americans. A week later she trucked almost all her purchases over to my house, sadly complaining that her three boys refused to eat any of it because it was "too colorful."
Don't even get me started on bagging the groceries. Funny thing, I do it on the East coast, because...well, it's expected. I try to do it on the West coast, and people look at me as if I've escaped from an asylum.
And on the subject of cellphones---as screwed up as this planet and our civilization is, I still am putting my money on the fact that, centuries from now, the cell phone will be decried as the single worst invention in mankind's history---its invention marking the beginning of a rapid decline in civility.
As to from what size vehicle - the size where you no longer have any direct rear view mirror.
Actually, there's enough disturbing stuff going on out there to make this a weekly feature.
lainey, deborah, phaedo, michael, poet and others, your responses are wonderful and pieces in and of themselves.
rickyb and others re: truck beeping (because i'm kinda obsessed with that one right now), i still say this: we hand something over when we expect technology to always give us fair warning. maybe we overtly save a few lives, but we become more apathetic, less attentive, which equals more deaths ultimately anyway. it's a personal responsibility as well as a reflex thing. our senses are dull.
and who mentioned privacy? so true. i think that's a more essential piece: our sense of decorum, tact and privacy. we need beeping sounds for our rudeness! that beep i'd like to hear - or i guess it would go off too much.
gary, you have a new avatar? must go see the photo.
Mixing #1 and #4, her supermarket has this new self-scanning device which makes a "ka-ching" cash register sound every time you pass something that's on sale, which is every 10 seconds. Besides the fact that no cash register has gone "ka-ching" in 50 years, it's annoying as hell and makes me want to hurl the device through a window.
No, seriously. You are right.
And how did you get a picture of my intestinal track, or tract??
Possible societal implication: I remain the object of ridicule.
I am a little puzzled by the pushing a baby stroller while talking on a cell phone. Are these people using headsets or bluetooths, because if they are holding a cell phone in one hand and pushing a stroller with other, I can tell you from experience they might as well just push the stroller into traffic and get it over with. I mean how the heck do you control a stroller with one hand?
I really miss the friend of one of my kids who used to sneak up behind people having loud, public conversations on the cellphones and yell, "Their syphilis test came back positive!"
I don't think there is any cure for this either. I'm really upset about the library. Why they can't enforce quiet in a library, I will never know. At least we can remember the good old days.
Rated.
And here's another food one--there are too many choices at fast food restaurants. Just make the thing you're good at and leave the rest alone. I do not need eggrolls, pizza, and gourmet sandwiches at every burger joint. It's all too much--greed & gluttony.....
(by the way that pic is of corn curls, not Cheetohs!)
(by the way I really liked the whole post!)
I don't think your reflexes were designed to jump in time out of the way of a multi-ton behemoth which you had cataloged in your mind as standing still when you approached it. By the same token you can say vehicles don't need horns, and drivers shouldn't be required to honk when they see you in front of them. That's all it is - automated honking for a situation where vision is obstructed. Also this "who asked me" thing is nice for a rant, but is really populist nonsense (no offense). The matter was voted on by your representatives (or your parents' representatives). Who decided we need seat belts? Who decided doors of stores may not open inwards? If it's a law, it was voted on at some point. That's when they asked you.
I'm sure there are credible instances of "dulling our senses in exchange for technological warning" but this is really not one of them. There are no senses that can allow a truck driver to see someone directly behind them.
For instance, I don't mind sitting next to two chatty Kathys on a bus. That's what people do: they converse. It's the sound of normalcy and human behavior. But add a cell phone and get rid of a Kathy, and it's a whole other animal.
Then we are forced to hear a one-sided convo. People speak differently. It's jarring, overall. And unnatural. And usually a profound overshare to boot (last cell phone convo overhead on beach? "My husband doesn't eat pizza anymore. He says it makes him constipated. He can't shit for days.") That's in MY memory bank now. Why?
RickyB, a horn being beeped by a human is different than a vehicle making a monotonous sound repeatedly. 99% of the time, a vehicle is backing up, making said sound and no one is behind them. so we help out that 1% of the population that's too unaware to see or hear a loud truck in reverse. and we also encourage truck drivers to be a little more careless ("hey, my reverse signal should have warned you.") I DO believe there is an effect it has on our overall awareness: the driver, the person behind the truck, the people who hear it everyday who it means nothing to, just like a car alarm (I mean, really, when was the last time you heard a car alarm and said "Oh, listen - a car is being broken into."?) We're become inured and senseless from all these so-called protective feaetures.
I'm not even advocating that trucks shouldn't have them. I'm just postulating the implications. How about being more aware when there's a big truck around? I know I am. They don't sneak up on you. If you respond with "kids can only be so aware" - teach them!
I'm not being purposefully sarcastic (well maybe a little!) but there's this lack of responsibility that's becoming increasingly prevalent. In addition, our senses are constantly dulled, which affects our safety as well.
And I don't equate seat belts with car alarms. Two different animals in my opinion. Car alarms (in all their forms) have become a massive public nuisance in urban areas and there's little recourse for most citizens other than to "just deal."
Yes, the gay community is probably responsible for this trend, but we're also responsible for the fact that your straight husbands and boyfriends don't think they can look like shit and still expect to get laid. They have to work at it now. We've raised the bar, just like we did with real estate, homecare and entertaing (and we've lowered a few bars as well - blow job in a steam room, anyone?)
Great post. And just to be clear, we had NOTHING to do with the Axe body spray. Some ridiculous straight teenager from a small midwestern town made that shit up.
Public standards. Please.
Had this great moment the other day when a sassy African-American check out lady and I collaborated silently on shaming a 21 year old sorority girl into turning off her damn cell phone. You should have seen the "oh no she didn't" looks that were being shared between the check out lady and me. It was the most expressive conversation I had all day.
==================
Fight the coming pandemic- Support Healthcare.
And really, the men I date (crickets chirping) who shave their chest, I find it weird to the touch. It's never smooth. It's stubbly and not in the good facial stubbly way.
Let's take a look at Burt again, shall we? That man is a fairly hairy man. There are hairier men out there, no doubt. But he's not "peach fuzz" by any standard. But does he look great in this shot? Heck yeah.
I'd do him. There. I said it.
(I also really wish he would have won the Academy Award for his work in Boogie Nights years ago. He totally deserved it and it would have made the world smile. He's been hanging out with us quite a while.)
hmmmm
And blowing up a santa and sticking it on the lawn is NOT decorating. It doesn't count if there's no sweat, no hammers, no expletives.
Wonderful social commentary, Beth
What's it all about? We take pictures with our phones, read our news on a computer, and rely on an automated voice to feed us directions as we drive around in our noisy cars.
Rated
Perhaps I should fine-tune it a bit:
It started when I was in line at a very busy liquor store at the Jersey shore. A man and his family stood at the counter, with a line of 20 people behind him, and allowed the cashier to do everything. He didn't even remove the bags, once packed, from the top of the counter (until I walked up to him and insisted upon it...in the nicest of ways, I swear!)
Again, it's the accountability. It was as if he was totally clueless that people were waiting, the he could speed things along, that his family members could help...he just stood there, with his credit in his hand, oblivious.
THAT'S what I'm talking about.
Well observed, excellently written (still chuckling at the Santa caption), and cheerfully rated.
As for Cheetos, yes. They do look like they're getting brighter and scarier.
Best Regards,
CandyCandyCandy
Elsewise, vehicles make far too many noises on the inside, but the back-up warning beep is a great invention. Because, frankly, people are unobservant and stupid. I drive a delivery van for a living, and I don't want to hit you when in the performance of my duties, I have to back across a sidewalk into an alley. Hell no, I want you to live long and prosper. That is why I beep my horn a bunch of times--CAUSE I CAN'T FRIGGIN SEE YOU WANDERING BEHIND ME! (People do this all the time). I wish my van would do this automatically, or had a switch I could hit. The horn is so much work...
The Brazilian is still on, though.
People who stand by idly - with blank, vacant expressions - while the cashier bags their groceries are the same people who vote against their own economic interests.
Also.....it seems that through some strange twist in the space-time continuum, the cell phone invented the human.
Keep writin' it down.
-JH
I love America, but why do I have to wear ear plugs in the cinema and dodge children going to the bathroom or snack bar -- or just running around because they CAN? Why do people allow their children to scream in restaurants (where I also often wear ear plugs just to dampen the cacophony around me while I eat the dinner I hoped would be special, even romantic?)
Then there is the food all over the floor that parents stepped over when they were taking their little darlings home. In MY day ( I sound like a curmudgeon, don't I?) kids didn't do that. Parents didn't allow that sort of behavior. The horror. The horror...
Sorry, but we don't have turn singles in Massachusetts.
Q: How do you shave your ball sack?
A: Very carefully!
I agree with all the stuff here. Very good post.
i just figured the "beep beep beep" in my car was to remind ME that i'm backing up and to be more careful. doesn't work though. my husband put a bag of recycleables in the driveway and i managed to back over it. and this is with the backup camera my car comes standard with. ha!
loved the post.
Hey, since this is getting some renewed interest, I was wondering if everyone is getting an auto refresh on Open Salon, where the page refreshes every 30 seconds? It's really annoying. Apparently, its for page hits or ads or something. I've tried every way to disable it but to no avail....any info would be appreciated.
I like cheetohs enough to point out that the best kind are the ones that look like caveman clubs...those are more like corn curls in your picture...baked cheetohs, I believe, which aren't as good. But just as orange! That color is necessary, a public service even- to wit, when it dyes the tips of your fingers and sucking won't get the orange off, it is time to stop eating th.
As for your cell phone camera, I think it makes a camera shutter noise to protect other people. You can't take pictures of them without their knowledge. Of course, if people weren't out there rudely photographing up others' skirts and the like, features like that wouldn't be seen as necessary. I join you in general handwringing about the downfall of society!
Good post! Thanks.
This blog post has resurfaced because of intervention by hovering extraterrestrials. They can't justify an invasion to phaser away health insurance CEOs and install worldwide access to health care until we meet certain minimum standards.
"The need to spill over" left me most in awe. It merits book-length treatment, which would surely lead to an appearance on The Daily Show.
4. Libraries Became Noisy
I was stunned to learn that your library, and therefore no doubt many others, is no longer allowed to enforce a silence policy. It had never occurred to me to inquire. I'm glad I didn't.
I'd assumed this absence of enforcement was due to now-universal moral fatigue or severe anomie on the part of library administrators, whose offices are away from public areas. For a delicious instant, though, I was relieved to have a reason for this violation of sacred decorum. So, at least it's a conscious decision....
The worst aspect is not the chomping on candy bars or the chattering patrons or the behavior of the little monsters they have in tow. Rather it's the fact that, even in university libraries, it is now often the librarians who speak the loudest.
Possible Societal Implication? War, pestilence, famine.
5. Antibacterial Products became Commonplace
All kidding aside, a potential disaster in the making.
I was surprised that no one mentioned the campaign to eradicate antibacterial soaps. It seems that exposure to one of their ingredients, triclosan, can cause significant disruption to the endocrine system in frogs and humans. It is chemically similar to dioxin and is highly toxic to algae. It is supposedly not removed at whitewater treatment plants.
12. Missing from the List: Supermarket shoppers with supersized carts, convinced they are the only people in the place, who stop exactly mid-aisle to scan the shelves while you and three others wait seething behind them.
But that behavior, too, would disappear if we all committed to better sex.
Hairlessness looks younger, and boy oh boy, are we into looking younger. It's also, as you alluded to, consciously/unconsciously stepping away from our ape ancestors.
It really has accelerated in the past couple of decades, but it was probably bound to happen. We have conquered body odor with anti-perspirants that can keep you dry in the Amazon in July, bad breath and bad teeth are only for poor, sick people, so what is there left for us to primp and obsess about?
Hair. We want a nice big thatch on our heads, but nowhere else, please, we're American.
2. I don't shave my chest and the thought never occurred to me. If I ran into a guy like that in the locker room I think I'd slowly back away.
3. Its just another manifestation of the "ME" generation.
4. What's a library? Oh you mean "Books"! How quaint. Books are for punctilious sagacious erudite homo sapients.
5. See what sitting around all day with nothing but a vacuum cleaner for entertainment can do to you?
6. Whaddaya mean 9-5?8-6? You're *on call* for chrissakes!!! The man's gotcha 24 hours a day-- plus weekends.
7. You're right, they're not cute. But they are exceptionally cheap to make, squish flat into a box, and since its the only thing available at Home Depot on Christmas Eve... so even at $149.99... its a bargain! A real Christmas miracle...
8. Turn signals? Do you mean those hand-gestures people make when you blow the horn at them??
9. Hey, I don't think that one's too bad-- at least they're *there* and pushing the carriage. Don't you think actually *caring* is a little too much to expect??
10. It all started out with 64 ounce sodas from 7/11.
11. They had to use the orange to dilute the red dye #2.
@Owl_Says_Who -- "These are all symptoms of a very sick society - we need universal healthcare!"
Or at the very least, universal air vents.
2. Men finally noticed that cats enjoy licking fur, but humans tend not to. Yes, this took 200,000 years. We're men. What's your point? (Also see: "male heterosexuality, myth of" and "camouflage, self defeating".)
3. Juries began awarding millions in damages to parents who allow their preschool children to play house in urban dumpsters. (Also see: "baby of doom, grocery cart" and "love and death, freeway of.)
4. They _are_ whispering. (Also see: "earbuds, hearing loss due to".)
5. Purell is Holy Water that corporations are allowed to sell at a profit. (Also see: "Superstitions, God and other").
6. Every decent Christian in America recognizes Beth Mann for what she is: a Godless Socialist! (Also see: "attack, ad hominem" and "curtain, pay no attention to that man behind the".)
7. Christianity has never, for a single moment, since whathisname cried "Fear not!" and Mary plotzed, been about aesthetics or taste. (See also, "nostalgia, dangers of" and "denial, seven deadly signs of".)
8. Outside of 50's sitcoms, no significant number of drivers anywhere have at any time ever made regular used turn signals. (See also... "weren't, the way we".)
9. Cell phones are in fact a nicotine substitute, smoking have been conceived shortly after the birth of the first human child . (See also... "baby thank God, dingos ate my.")
10. Alright, alright... You win. The people I surf and sun with are prone to arrive with a speedo, an iPod, condoms, lube, a three-inch-thick biography of Carmen Miranda, and a conspicuous $5K a year personal trainer habit. Can I come to your beach? (See also... "wheelbarrow you know, better the giant".)
11. Sorry. I'm still worrying about the more than 200 grueling workouts I have to complete before I can go to the beach again. (See also... "moo moo, choosing your first".)
I just had a person flip me off as we both went through the stop sign. Me going straight and him too, I thought. Then he flipped on his left turn signal and flipped me off... my ESP is not what it used to be.
Cell phones are the greatest sales job in the last 25 years... WE ALL NEED TO TALK ALL THE TIME! IT'S FOR YOUR WORK OR YOUR KIDS SAFETY. I suppose these devices could be used for those reasons... the majority of time is spent filling the airwaves with brain dead chatter.
It also be the new interpretation of freedom of speech and expression to be able to do whatever the f*#k you like and the majority just need to grin and bear whatever it is others want to do, even though it's rude, self-centered, thoughtless, inconsiderate, etc. to infinity.
http://joshfulton.blogspot.com/2009/10/israeli-police-storm-jerusalems-holiest.html
Endorse your list and love the societal implications.
http://joshfulton.blogspot.com/2009/11/china-jails-dissidents-before-obama.html
As for the lack of turn signals, I stopped using them when I noticed people speeding up to keep me from "getting in front of them" when they saw my signal. They seemed perfectly happy with their speed and following distance until my car flashed, and then it suddenly became a gap they had to close. No courtesy for me, no courtesy for you. Thanks for playing!
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Men- shaved chests and tweezed eyebrow. I hate a man with a thinner eyebrow than mine. Vechiles- my Prius makes the beep-beep-beep sound inside the car whenever you back up. NO way to turn it off. Hello Toyota, I know the care is quiet, but the day I forget that I put the car in R is the day I should stop driving.
Libraries- thankfully mine is still quiet. Germs dont get me started
I've had women answer emails 2 hours after giving birth. Really your not that important. A neighbor used to stroll his baby to the park every after noon with a sixpack and a blaring radio under the baby and then go play basketball... I'll take the cell phone talker
.
THIS:
"Ho, ho ho, I'm a tasteless eyesore!"
and worse than those inflatables are the inflatables that are blowing fake snow -- always ineffectually -- over some obscure figure (santa? grinch? rudolph? hannibal lector?) inside a grimy plastic mis-shapen ball the size of a vw beetle. Absurdly, in a real snow storm.
What is the point? it's ugly, it doesn't function properly, burns carbon, and say to the world "hey! I'm stupid! and I have access to an outdoor outlet and extension cords!"
Now if it were made of real glass, and a giant realistic polyurethane human hand were to emerge from your garage every few minutes, lift the whole thing upside down and shake it to make the "snow" fall again, THAT would be cool!
I always feel sad when I see that happening.
Happy Happy Happy New Year, Beth.
It all went downhill when people started making lists and obsessing over petty, irrelevent grievances about things like chest hair and lawn ornaments. I recognize that this list is supposed to be taken about as seriously as a "Don't you hate it when..." routine from some comedian, but damn...
It's strange because, really, who gives a shit what I think? I mean, more to the point: what does it matter if I don't like something? Why do people get so up in arms? I'm sure there are TONS of things we all dislike, sometimes vehemently. It's as if we're not supposed to voice those things and why? Forced positivity again.
Sethbdoe, stop taking it all so seriously. Rich white people, huh? You wanna wager on that one, rich white man? Oh wait...I can't wager. I don't have that fucking money! Ha...
I guess just because I'm white, that makes me instantly entitled. Well guess what? I'm black. Stick that in your pipe.
Ethicalhedonist, yes, I've heard that - but it always feels slightly stubbly. May look better but doesn't feel better.
Greg, too funny.
Wakingupslowly, I feel like we haven't hung out in ages! Happy New Year to you too!
To all I've missed, I have to finish a project, so sorry (this rich white girl has to make some money so she can pay her rent.) And thanks for your feedback. And thanks for stopping by.
3. Vehicles Began Making Too Many Sounds
... useless car alarms or the myriad of chirps ... “beep beep beep” when in reverse.
Not to mention sonic explosive devices (i.e., overamplified mega bass, making everything thump and buzz). What ever happened to listening volumes that don't deafen every life form within 1/4 mile?
4. Libraries Became Noisy
I'm SOOO grateful this is not the case at my local library.
5. Antibacterial Products became Commonplace.
It's gotten nearly impossible to find regular liquid soap that is NOT antibacterial. Seems like we all had healthier immune systems before this stuff was invented.
6. Our Workdays Went from 9 - 5 to 8 – 6
Nothing about this is acceptable. ' nuff said.
8. People Stopped using their Turn Signals...Turn signals indicate a sense of consideration and concern for the other. That’s going, going, gone.
Right up there with people on crowded city streets carrying humungous golf umbrellas and expecting everyone else to move out of their way, or walking right into you because they're too busy texting to look where they're going.
Priceless moments: when the incessant texters fall right on their faces because they tripped over the curb. Seen that a bunch of times in downtown Chicago in the past year. It makes me laugh every time.
Narang, Kunar: "Death to Obama!"
Rated & Cheers!
And the main "Societal Implication" as a result of antibiotic cleaning products has been a compromised immunity in children raised in such households and likely future epidemic in the U.S. - not an epidemic of control-freaks (already had them).
-R-
EEEEWWWWW!!! Hair on men is just about their sexiest feature. It should be mostly hidden while interacting casually with people, but when men do bare their chests, it is attractive to have something there (and unattractive to not). I understand that men who go for casual pickups (for ex, in NYCity) like to be bare down there as the hair may turn off the other person for reasons you will have to imagine.
#2: People talking on public toilets. I went into a rest room in my favorite restaurant, and while this women sat & made toilet sounds for 10 minutes, she yacked away on her cell phone, finally saying "I have to flush now".