This 2010, I resolve to:
Give Southern Comfort another fighting chance since that 1989 "incident".
Use new vulgarities instead of my old standbys. Cunt off, freakfuck!
Laugh in the face of others, with reckless abandon.
Purge only the inexpensive food.
Work on sharper, wittier retorts with deadly dry deliveries.
Call myself "bipolar" because it's a seriously trending mental illness.
Wipe that smug look off my face.
Give Southern Comfort another fighting chance since that 1989 "incident".
Use new vulgarities instead of my old standbys. Cunt off, freakfuck!
Laugh in the face of others, with reckless abandon.
Purge only the inexpensive food.
Work on sharper, wittier retorts with deadly dry deliveries.
Call myself "bipolar" because it's a seriously trending mental illness.
Wipe that smug look off my face.
Start exorcising more.
Clean needles only!
Stay off of Bambi's corner and find one to call my own, damnit.
Stop smoking and start toking.
Finetune my bored and unamused look.
Burn the other cheek.
Buy more mirrors for company.
Use the word "tautology" and "truculent" more often, just to impress others.
Tell the next arresting officer what I really think of him.
Give peas a chance.
Imperceptibly roll eyes more often when others speak. They'll feel it.
Get past my fear of welcoming men in windowless vans.
Stop equating wine and chocolate with cunnilingus and intercourse.
See emotional unavailability in others as a formidable challenge for go-getter types like me.
March to the beat of a different drummer, namely Carlos from the band Lick This.
Celebrate the subtle yet distinct differences between Xanax and Valium.
Bring back the glory that is Loverboy. (<- video)
Stop giving "lip" so the menfolk like me more.
Convince my boyfriend that Carlos is a Spanish tutor.
Raise the holiest hell possible.
Stay off of Bambi's corner and find one to call my own, damnit.
Stop smoking and start toking.
Finetune my bored and unamused look.
Burn the other cheek.
Buy more mirrors for company.
Use the word "tautology" and "truculent" more often, just to impress others.
Tell the next arresting officer what I really think of him.
Give peas a chance.
Imperceptibly roll eyes more often when others speak. They'll feel it.
Get past my fear of welcoming men in windowless vans.
Stop equating wine and chocolate with cunnilingus and intercourse.
See emotional unavailability in others as a formidable challenge for go-getter types like me.
March to the beat of a different drummer, namely Carlos from the band Lick This.
Celebrate the subtle yet distinct differences between Xanax and Valium.
Bring back the glory that is Loverboy. (<- video)
Stop giving "lip" so the menfolk like me more.
Convince my boyfriend that Carlos is a Spanish tutor.
Raise the holiest hell possible.
Have a Very Truculent New Year!
Thanks Erica, for your Inspiration!
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Comments
I hope all of your wishes for 2010 come true - and then some.
Thank you!
Finally! Somebody else who feels
this way, too. ;-)
Truculently laughing in the face of Father Time,
Eva, truculent away!
Natalie, the menfolks like when a woman knows her place, lips sealed! Stop speaking like a heretic!
Spotted Mind, glad to see your part of the club. We have a cheer to learn.
Good luck!
And Buy more mirrors for company. That is a great tip.
Happy New Year.
You really must learn to live for today, Beth. Carpe diem.
But seriously folks. What IS the difference between Xanax and Valium?
but i gotta say: what's wrong with the equating wine and chocolate stuff? i thought i just had that figured out. ;
I don't really have any quibbles with your aspirations and think we should all get on board. Oh, except I hate peas.
Happy New Year, Beth!
She replied "Yes, and I don't do THAT shit, you disgusting, sick, twisted, pervert!"
My personal favorite and one I may have to try - often.
Love your flavor Beth, as usual.
Had to look up both tautology (which I still don't get) and truculent, which I did get. That's the problem with words. There are just so many of them. Happy Transformative New Year, Beth. You're one of my all time Favorites!
I had a LOT of fun with this list. I keep thinking of more deleterious resolutions. They are so much easier to come up with! Ha...
Trilogy, made change. Though I still hope daddy finally loves me. (He does. He's a good daddy.)
As for the difference between Xanax and Valium, my nurse friend would say there is none. They are both in the benzo family, I think.
As for Southern Comfort, I wouldn't touch that stuff if I turned suddenly alcoholic and it was the only booze left to drink. Truthfully, I did have an awful experience with that when I was a teen. I think I slept in a bush. Bleh. Even talking about it is making me nauseous!
Tautology away!
But yes, funny, funny, funny and right on!
And a truculent New Year to you, too.
And you do need to keep quiet more and insult the menfolk less, young lady.
Happy New Year.
"if you wanna get to heaven you gotta raise a lotta hell! What is that saying, something along these lines .... No woman has ever made history by behaving herself!
But you CAN'T stop doing this . . . it's so dirty and fun!
You make my sides and brain hurt ... simultaneously. Great stuff. Except...
Don't you dare quit giving lip so the menfolk will like you more. Men who need or want that change aren't worth the lip to begin with.
Rated and appreciated.
R
"burn the other cheek" made me laugh
you can have my Loverboy LP's when I put them up for sale on ebay
and I wish I really kept up with my penchant for cursing (once went on a 5-minute, non-stop roll of expletives, with no repeats). I expect to pick it up again to teach the skill to my son, but only after Child Protective Services won't take him away for practicing in school.
Here's a favorite I still use: when calling someone something untoward (e.g. asshole, douchebag, dick cheese, monkey fucker, etc.) and they retort with "where do you get off calling me that?" just respond, "well, I don't know you well enough to call you 'fuck-face,' now do i?"
Fugue. food. yummy.
goofy
Nice to see all of your bright, shining faces. And some new ones.
Some of the new curses are brilliant. Assclown, fuckmouth, cockbite.
And Stellaa, I AM in your age range, woman! I'm just having some arrested development issues.
Until I got to this:
"Bring back the glory that is Loverboy"
No, no, no. Why Loverboy? This goes past unhealthy into the realm of pathological. The suckiness of Loverboy is a logical tautology!
If you want to bring back the corny meatheaded rock glory of that era, let's just start with Journey (at least their guitarist can shred).
And what was up with all the sweatbands in Loverboy? Did Mike Reno have some sort of glandular issue that made him abnormally sweaty?
"I'd slap you, but shit splatters."
Caccati i mani, e prendeti a schiaffe" (Why don't you shit in your hands, and hit yourself in the face) cursing someone out in foreign languages always conveys a superiority, as there is little room for retort. [please excuse my spelling, if not my pronunciation.]
"Suck my ass ['till my head caves in]."
(and I'm apologizing for this one now...)
"Cunt." And when you get the shocked, "What did you call me?" "Oh, I'm sorry, do you have another use?"
Talk about a group of genuine fartknockers.
good luck in 2010
now get those out of your head
AND guess what? I actually really like Loverboy. I mean, some of their stuff sucks but I have their Best of CD and its pretty solid, man. The songs that good: The Kid is Hot Tonight, Turn me Loose, When it's Over, Lucky Ones. Ha...I like LOVERBOY. I love writing the comments toward the end of the posts cuz most people won't even read this....yeah, rock on.
Cunt off, freakfuck.
Please keep giving lip to men. The ones that are worth it will like you more for it, not less.
Tell me - which is the cunnilingus - wine, or chocolate?