He says. Drunk, on replay, repeating the same old warning.

Don't try to change me. 

My dear, when you have so little to offer, what is there really to change? 

Don't try to change me.  

If I could change you, if I had the energy or desire to change you, what would I change first? Your vast expanse of emotional unavailability? Your addictions? Your flagrant inconsistency in my life? Who would dare change such endearing traits?

Don't try to change me.

I have a better idea. Why don't you try to change me instead? Try to chip away my hardened disappointment or relentless worry with love and companionship. Change my wornout perspective that people like you never see beyond your own vapid self-protection. Change my life by adding to it instead of robbing from it. Change me, please. That way, the focus could be on me for once and not the vigilant protection of your eternal nothingness.

Don't try to change me. 

I'll try not to. But it's hard! With my luxuriously simple and carefree life, I have so much spare time on these delicate hands of mind, I simply need a side project to keep me busy. Please rethink!

Don't try to change me.

Thanks for the warning. Because you've been so graciously open in so many other areas of your life. As I humbly try to occupy a small slice of your life, there's nothing more welcoming than drunk cautionary advice.

Don't try to change me.

Alas, my emotional zero, you should only be so lucky to have someone like me want to change you, let alone try.

Don't try to change me.

Did you ever think, if that is your constant refrain, then maybe, just maybe, you're in dire need of some change?

Don't try to change me.

You're not a butterfly I want to capture or bird's wings I want to clip. You are man whom I've allowed into my life. This is a privilege and an honor. Your caveats are a needless insult to me and do nothing but push me away.

Don't try to change me.

As if you're a baby in need of changing. Because your diaper is full of shit and piss and has been on your oversized body for far too long. Because you stink and someone should change you, like your mommy or your nursemaid, of which you have both. But certainly not me. Let the co-dependents "change" you.

Don't try to change me. 

Certainly not. I won't try to change you...but can I get some change from you? That way, I'll know I walked away with something from this relationship. Fifty cents should do.

Don't try to change me. 

Everybody wants to be accepted for who they are. This is true. I do too. And changing someone is an impossible feat, most of us know. But your warning didn't come from that justifiable place, did it? It was just another emotional stop sign on a dead-end street.  

Don't try to change me.

I thank you for the warning. I promise not to perform such a heinous act by my physical removal from your life. That way, god forbid, you won't be changed. At all. You'll stay just the same. Only I will have changed.