Beth Mann's Blog

Beth's Urban Tales of Wonder and Decay

Beth Mann

Beth Mann
Location
Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
Birthday
November 11
Title
Presidente
Company
Hot Buttered Media
Bio
I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song. And puppies. I effin' love puppies.

SEPTEMBER 25, 2010 7:31PM

In Reaction to your Idiotic Comment

Rate: 50 Flag

 

Don’t try to change me.

 

He says. Drunk, on replay, repeating the same old warning.

 

Don't try to change me. 

 

My dear, when you have so little to offer, what is there really to change? 

 

Don't try to change me.  

 

If I could change you, if I had the energy or desire to change you, what would I change first? Your vast expanse of emotional unavailability? Your addictions? Your flagrant inconsistency in my life? Who would dare change such endearing traits?

 

Don't try to change me.

 

I have a better idea. Why don't you try to change me instead? Try to chip away my hardened disappointment or relentless worry with love and companionship. Change my wornout perspective that people like you never see beyond your own vapid self-protection. Change my life by adding to it instead of robbing from it. Change me, please. That way, the focus could be on me for once and not the vigilant protection of your eternal nothingness.

 

Don't try to change me. 

 

I'll try not to. But it's hard! With my luxuriously simple and carefree life, I have so much spare time on these delicate hands of mind, I simply need a side project to keep me busy. Please rethink!

 

Don't try to change me.

 

Thanks for the warning. Because you've been so graciously open in so many other areas of your life. As I humbly try to occupy a small slice of your life, there's nothing more welcoming than drunk cautionary advice.

 

Don't try to change me.

 

Alas, my emotional zero, you should only be so lucky to have someone like me want to change you, let alone try.

 

Don't try to change me.

 

Did you ever think, if that is your constant refrain, then maybe, just maybe, you're in dire need of some change?

 

Don't try to change me.

 

You're not a butterfly I want to capture or bird's wings I want to clip. You are man whom I've allowed into my life. This is a privilege and an honor. Your caveats are a needless insult to me and do nothing but push me away.

 

Don't try to change me.

 

As if you're a baby in need of changing. Because your diaper is full of shit and piss and has been on your oversized body for far too long. Because you stink and someone should change you, like your mommy or your nursemaid, of which you have both. But certainly not me. Let the co-dependents "change" you.

 

Don't try to change me. 

 

Certainly not. I won't try to change you...but can I get some change from you? That way, I'll know I walked away with something from this relationship. Fifty cents should do.

 

Don't try to change me. 

 

Everybody wants to be accepted for who they are. This is true. I do too. And changing someone is an impossible feat, most of us know. But your warning didn't come from that justifiable place, did it? It was just another emotional stop sign on a dead-end street.  

 

Don't try to change me.

 

I thank you for the warning. I promise not to perform such a heinous act by my physical removal from your life. That way, god forbid, you won't be changed. At all. You'll stay just the same. Only I will have changed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

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First! OK, now back to your post and I hope it isn't directed at me or this is really awkward.
OK, having read it I must say bravo, although you need to.....just kidding.
Rigid people suck. It's called compromising, adjusting, softening just enough. When someone doesn't want to be an active participant in that~ well, everything stays the same. A very hard place to be.~r
methinks thee doth protest too much. practice 'contempt' in front of the mirror and then you can save time and energy with a withering silence.
Assuming I am reading this correctly, that is...
Sounds like you've come across someone worthy of saying to them, "Keep the change, baby!" What an ordeal! Blessings to you in every regard:)
WEll fuck yeah, Missy. Please tell me you are done with that pile of entitlement, yes?
Good to know what you want and why ... Good to say what you want too ... Even better will be to see the sunshine come back to your smile.
Nice! No, this is damned good!
Rated and shared.
Real change comes from within. The unexamined life is not worth living. Someone who doesn't want loving input into their own change process is not worth being with.

Whew!
aw Beth, he most certainly does not deserve someone who cares with your depth.
I dunno.

If I'm reading this correctly, you are the one with the problem.

Too bad that "Goodby and fuck you" or "Have a nice day" aren't sufficient.

I suppose it's true, hell is other people.
Sometimes a gal's best accessory is a good pair of running shoes, I keep my best pair by the bed for emergencies. Also a good scrub brush for the inevitable residue I find later. Scathe on darlin'.
Because I can understand the scathing bitch talk...dammit.

R
Fucking awesome! A veritable sulphuric acid bazooka of righteousness. If anything like this were ever aimed in my general direction I'd pull my own head off rather than have to listen to it till the end. God I hate men for being like this. And I AM one. Fantastic.
What most people hear when somebody very close to them says this little phrase---rather than that other little phrase which everyone likes to hear---is "you're getting too close." Awful thing to have some with whom you're trying to have an intimate relationship say to you, in any situation. Unfortunately some folks have their threshold set pretty low on how much intimacy they can stand. And if there's some kind of merry-go-round problem, like addiction, attached to it, then, well, maybe the change should be mutual, as in "goodbye."

rated.
"Don't try to change me", I have finally learned, means, "Go away."
When he hits his head on the curb on his way to the gutter he'll change. Sorry if I sound flippant, I'm not, it's just the truth. Everybody has their own version of "rock bottom."
In the words of the famous Bon Qui Qui, "I will cut you!"

ditch his arse!
"Don't try to change me" has often meant "I am scard to change" when I talk to some.
Fear is the great dibilitator. (sp)
But he needs to get over it and quick.

r
Sounds tough. Change does have to come from within.
He says. Drunk, on replay, repeating the same old warning.
Doesn't that say it all?
Yes, that comment is somewhere along the lines of "I am already perfect, and I have no room to accommodate you. Please give me food, sex, adulation, then go away." Good choice to go. When people talk like that, I take them at their word.
Sounds like one of those people who say, "Yeah, I'm an asshole, that's just who I am" as if that made it ok. No loss.
Bah. You've obviously tried to turn him from hockey fan to ballet lover. I have no sympathy.

And you'll never change.
What Bonnie said. Totally.

I have a long screed right at the tip of my fingers here but I left my "don't try to change me" mess, and promised myself not to look back anymore. Keeping my promise.
"because i'm a scathing bitch when i want to be"

I suppose you used two magic words, 'drunk' and 'addiction'. I am not sure that you meant them literally. But if not, it seems to take over the piece. Too much baggage associated with them.

You start with the picture of loose change. Change has multiple meanings. Then the string of snappy comebacks. And finally the money line -- 'only I would have changed'

Which is paradoxical, since removing a person from one's life is likely the largest impact any single action can have on another.
There's really no point in trying to hang around narcissists. They hardly notice when you're gone, anyway. Fondly, HB
I have known a few emotional zeroes in my life too! Drop 'em. Save yourself the head(heart)ache!
My favorite line: "My dear, when you have so little to offer, what is there really to change?"

XX
This was just great. Rated.
Good for you for the realization that you had to get out and move on. Dealing with active alcoholics is a losing battle. He does not deserve you. Good luck and I wish you courage (which you have already displayed).
Good for you for the realization that you had to get out and move on. Dealing with active alcoholics is a losing battle. He does not deserve you. Good luck and I wish you courage (which you have already displayed).
So I see you have met my husband! I readalong reading it in my mind saying it to his face and found myself yelling it in my mind....Well done, I like you as a scathing bitch! I like you anyway but hell you know what I mean...
I don't mean this to sound flip, but a path to change would be you saying bubye. You can do that one all by yourself.
Maybe it is a good thing to realize what the battle is about and to retreat! Here's to you for having the realization! R
I just plain and simple wish I'd written this.

Does it count that I've THOUGHT it a few times?

A-bloody-frackin-men.
Sometimes, when we are staring into the dark abyss of certain relationships, the only good (change) that can come of them is to write your way out of them. And what Denise said.
Somehow this didn't make into "scathing bitch" land to me . . . miind you, it's a totally effective rant . . . but I see it as truth settling in around your shoulders while hearing the echo of that "Idiotic Comment."

The various takes on the concept of change really work, in that regard . . . the many ways in which it applies to this situation lend the sense of coming to agreement with yourself about what your next steps are going to be.

And the fact that you recognize your own value . . . priceless. Not that the process itself doesn't sting . . .
Sounds like a guy I know and used to obsess about...I've taken the cure myself.
Been there, done that, kicked him to the curb. Unfortunately I'm a slow learner and had to do it more than once with different people. Feels good to be free.
"If I could change you, if I had the energy or desire to change you, what would I change first? Your vast expanse of emotional unavailability? Your addictions? Your flagrant inconsistency in my life? Who would dare change such endearing traits?"

Wow. I've got some thoughts like that crashing around in my head too. But you actually put it out there. I should do the same, I'd probably feel better.
All wonderful points.....Thx