Because of the popularity of our last Open Call, Alysa Salzberg (of Alysa Salzberg fame) and I decided to join forces once again and compose a complementary list to 7 Things I'm Surprised I Like.
Here goes:
1. Zebras
I love animals. LOVE them. They make me believe in God and everything good. They are pure life and goodness. But for some reason, zebras leave me scratching my head. I just don't...get them. Are they horses? What do they do?
2. Billie Holiday
I should so love Lady Day. She sings with that world weary pathos that should emotionally resonate with me. But ugh...that swoopy, dippy voice. Frankly, I've never understood why she's even known as a good singer. (I know - blasphemy.)
3. Champagne
I love booze! We go way back. I've visited the Champagne region in France and drank some of the best in the world. And I like celebratory drinks, where glasses go clink. But I do not like champagne. Just says headache to me.
4. My One Friend who Shall Remain Nameless
She's been my friend for a long time. We've shared a lot of good times. But she doesn't listen all that well. And whenever she does, I feel like she judges me on this very subtle, almost barely perceptible, level. So when I get off the phone with her, I often feel crappy.
It's this vague feeling of disapproval or condescension. Or worse, boredom or distraction. Then sometimes I think its me and not her. So she remains my friend until she does something obvious.
5. Snowboarding
Because I surf, people enthusiastically push snowboarding on me. "You'll love it! It's just like surfing." No, I won't. It's just not my sport. I picked my sports and its not one of them.
6. Mad Men
I love good television. It really inspires me. And I know Mad Men is supposed to be "great" or whatever. But I never plan on watching it. It's just too pretty and I have a feeling it will annoy me for some reason.
As Alysa pointed out in her comments, I have a feeling the misogyny quotient would be too high for me to overlook (and trust me, I have to overlook it a lot in many television shows and movies.)
7. Theater
Oh god strike me down for this: I hate theater! And guess what? I studied it at a university for years. I'm a trained actor. But if you want to see me slip into a protective comatose state, put me in a cramped, hot theater with a play that is entirely too long. That says hell to me.
Plus theater has sucked for a long, long time. It's an empty art at this point. It's too constrained and sanitized. When I'm forced to go, I treat it like a good deed - like giving blood or going to church or something. But the whole time, I'm dying a million deaths.
I should love it. It broke the mold, etc and so forth. I know funny pretty damn well and everyone thinks the show is funny.
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Comments
And about "Seinfeld"...I am shocked! Shocked! But you made me laugh so much about the zebra that I'll forgive you :-)
rated
Re #8: I've never gotten "Curb Your Enthusiasm." It always seemed like "Seinfeld" with fewer punch lines.
That’s great because I didn’t get Seinfeld either and I agree with you he seems a dick and you’re right he can’t act.
About your friend she leaves me feeling flat; I know someone like that too there is always an undertow that leaves one feeling sapped.
~R~
Things that I'm surprised that I don't like....
Wilco - great music... the one guy's voice? Kill me now. Totally irrational too - he's not that bad - I just can't stand it for some reason.
Grey's Anatomy - Sandra Oh. One of my favorite actresses ever. That show? You can't f***ing be serious?
Anderson Cooper. He's got trust fund punk ass bitch written all over him.
That's all for now...
Interesting to see how many didn't like Seinfeld and curb your enthusiasm.Like Phylliss 45, I thought I was alone on that.
Sienfeld had some humor but I couldn't stand it. I have uncles like Jerry and George Costanza and wasn't amused by seeing such narcissistic shmucks.
I saw one episode of curb your enthusiasm and Larry David just seemed so miserable and rotten. Blech.
Fun open call.
Veuve Clicquot Brut Yellow label is so good... cheaper does say headache.
Skiing in general, I have lost the desire to spend that much in preparation and equipment. to blow out my knees? used to love it.
Fun list.
Great list. Your sense of humor is priceless.
I think I was born with an underdeveloped sense of humor, and going about life has not enriched it much.
Lady Day though, mmm, so not with you on that one. I can remember the first time I heard Strange Fruit. Goosebumps, and slack jawed.
Gotta disagree with you completely on theater. You probably know too much about theater and can never just enjoy it--you're too busy analyzing and critiquing. I don't know what you consider new. It's probably nothing I've seen, so couldn't dispute. There's a Phoenix youth theater called Greasepaint that staged Rent high school edition a couple years ago, and it was utterly fantastic. In another month they will be performing Les Miserables. I think I can get a ticket for $10. Can't beat that. This is a troupe of kids ages 14-20, all intensely committed to their careers. The talent is breathtaking to behold. I get to go so seldom that ennui will never stand a chance.
rated.
I agree on the champagne and snowboarding, but am not too familiar with some of the other things. As far as number four goes, I had a friend like that too, but after 30 years she turned her back on me. Maybe these people aren't friends after all.
I'm not sure about zebras but they're very beautiful. I know some folk who aren't and are pretty useless too.
Yes, Jerry was one of the worst actors to have a starring role in a sitcom. And yes, the last episode was horrific. The overall body of work, however, cements the show as one of the best of all-time. And the masturbation episode is, quite possibly, the single best episode of comedic genius ever to grace the small screen.
Other than that, I have no problem with the rest of your list.
Theatre. Ugh. Ugh.
Seinfeld. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Zebras. Connot be explained by Darwin's theory of natural selection.
Regarding #4-- why wait until she does something obvious? Isn't being judged on every level more than enough? Go with your gut girl and do yourself a big favor. Purge yourself of this toxic friend. Toss her out like meat gone rancid. Real friends are truthful without being judgmental. Real friends accept you for who you are. You should never go away feeling crappy and misunderstood.
Start your New Year off clean and light. Dump that bitch and then toss back some bubbly.
@alsoknownas: I once fell off a chair on my porch into some boxwoods, but out the WINDOW!?!? Man, I'd love to have been there to see it.
Everybody knows we zebras are VERY versatile. I happen to be one that writes. What's not to get? :D
Champagne is overrated. So is most theater. (I'm really glad not to be alone on that one.)
R
And I hear you on the Seinfeld thing. Do you like Breaking Bad?
Best show ever on TV.