Beth Mann's Blog

Beth's Urban Tales of Wonder and Decay

Beth Mann

Beth Mann
Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
November 11
Hot Buttered Media
I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song. And puppies. I effin' love puppies.

Editor’s Pick
JULY 15, 2012 6:07PM

Life, Not Like the Movies...Again




In the movies, I’m at my dying aunt’s bedside, a band of loving cousins surrounding me. I’m singing a song she used to sing with my mother and other aunts and uncles a long, long time ago. When they’d sit around the kitchen… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 6, 2012 1:23PM

I Want to Be Micromanaged by Tom Cruise








I don’t have the movie star hots for Tom Cruise. I don’t even like him much as actor. He seems like a shiny little alien. But a while back, in a crowded line at the grocery store, I read about his controlling behavior… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
MARCH 8, 2012 10:24AM

Lowlifes and HotSprings


A final blow to the head and he was out cold, face down, glistening drool seeping from his cracked, nicotine-stained lips. And I was the one whoRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 14, 2012 10:08AM

How John Cusack Ruined Valentine's Day for Me

When I saw the stupid scene years ago, I knew I was in trouble. Tears welled, heart expanded, etc. Romance did exist and John Cusack was living proof. Sure, it was the movies...but it could happen, right?

Say Anything came out… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 22, 2011 12:30PM

The Only New Year's Resolution that Doesn't Suck

My good friend Peter and I

Take my New Year’s resolution. Please. It doesn’t require fasting, gym memberships or less porn (shew). It’s simple, right at your fingertips and you can use it year after year.

The resolution?


Touch people more.Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 28, 2011 2:36PM

The Evolution of a Rock Star Dream - An Online Love Story



I'm going to give away the punchline: I fell in love with a fairly well-known musician after developing an online relationship with him. Best to justRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 25, 2011 4:50PM

The Ghosts of Broken Glass

The dollhouse? He broke my dollhouse too?

In my early 20’s, I naively thought someone had to hit you to constitute an abusive relationship. I didn’t know that breaking all of your shit was also a form of abuse. And that’s what Bill did.…

Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 19, 2011 2:16PM

Why I Don't Wear Pink Ribbons

I was suspicious of them early on, though I wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps its that pervasive and cloying "pink means female" message. We suffer from a "cute" femmy disease and wear sweet little ribbons to prove it. Barbie should wear one!

After watching several friends and relatives die

Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 11, 2011 11:02PM

Cell Phone Etiquette for Morons


So you have a cell phone? Okay, well good for you. I do too! Fancy, isn't it? But remember, there are some rules to remember when using that spiffy telecommunication device of yours in public:

1. You're not special because you have a cell phone. Small children and… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 27, 2011 11:27PM

My Own Private Hurricane [WITH NEW PHOTOS]

I’m looting my neighbor’s garden. Looting light, I would call it. Everyone has been evacuated and I’m one of the few remaining at the Jersey shore during Hurricane Irene. I grab a few ripe tomatoes, a batch of heady oregano. It’s all/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MAY 26, 2011 9:11AM

Patti Davis is Naked and I'm Tired



[This was first published at, another great site for writers.]
When I read Patti Davis’s recent article in More magazine, where she “bares all” at 58, I was poised in my seat, prepared to feel inspired. 

My body, like hers, has… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
APRIL 17, 2011 10:20PM

Kristen LaBrie – Child Killer or Political Scapegoat?

I’m not defending Kristen LaBrie. Her case is hardly clear-cut. This single mother was convicted of attempted murder, among other charges, for ceasing to give chemotherapy to her 9-year old autistic and cancer-stricken son, Jeremy Fraser. He eventually died and she will spend 8 - 10/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 24, 2011 3:03PM

I am not my Blog


When my mom was dying of cancer years ago, I gave her a journal. I told her to write anything she wanted in it. My mother was a consummate reader and a creative writing teacher, so I knew it wouldn't be a stretch for her. After she…

Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 6, 2010 11:12PM

The Reduction of Rachel

When I first watched Glee, I felt giddy. Unabashedly expressive, darkly was an earnest program with a heart.

And yes, I'm talking in past tense. The Hollywood machine ate the show for brunch and bulimically purged it into the pretty mess we now have before us.… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 10, 2010 11:58PM

Where's my Evacuation Chute?

If you're anything like me, first off, good luck. It's no easy feat.

Secondly, you smiled big and hard when you read the story about Jet Blue's flight attendant Steven Slater and his dramatic dispute with a passenger. According to The New York Times:

Mr. Slater instructed the person to remain… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
JULY 28, 2010 6:07PM

The Case Against Placebo Boyfriends


I don't think I've ever tittered before. I'm not even sure what a titter is. But when the question hit me, that's what I began to do.

"Why don't we just have sex? Right now."

Clint and I don't have sex. He and his brothers live down the street and serve… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
APRIL 30, 2010 7:02AM

Men you Forgot were Hot

The scientists at Silly Lists of Nothingness have been plugging tirelessly away at yet another ridiculous list for your review. This week, Dr. Ruby Lawrence and Dr. Beth Mann spent nearly two hours in the lab, dissecting photographs of hot men in the name of science.

Now, we're not talking about… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 22, 2010 5:14PM

Boobquake and the Cutefication of Feminism



Over coffee this morning, I saw a few FB posts from female friends, excited about showing off some cleavage for "Boobquake" this Monday. While I wanted to be happy about some counterculture movement, this one just made me sigh.

In case you haven't heard, Boobquake was started by…

Read full post »

Comments are now closed for this post.
Editor’s Pick
APRIL 6, 2010 5:49PM

Words are Alive


"Words are alive. Cut them and they bleed."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


Yesterday, I had a conversation with an old boyfriend. He said I was the first to say, "I love you." I vaguely remember him initiating it. The debate bordered on an argument and I couldn't help… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 14, 2010 7:28PM

15 Reasons Television Doesn't Suck Anymore

 I turned my back on television many years ago. Sitcoms, reality TV, annoying commercials - the sheer stupidity of it all seemed too pervasive to overlook. But in the last few years, there's a crop of programs that have me thinking twice. These shows have an almost cinematic quality - beautifull… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 20, 2010 9:42AM

How I Met Edgar Allan Poe

The "Ultima Thule" portrait by Sarah Helen Whitman,
taken 11 months before he died.

“Is that the guy who likes to have sex with dead women?” my boyfriend asks.

“No, I think that’s just a myth.”

“Do you want another line?”

“When I’m done. I… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 10, 2010 6:47PM

How to Stay Alive


Liz Falco (left) and Cathy Cushla (right)

Liz Falco, an old college friend, suddenly popped in my mind last week while shopping. She was a real inspiration to me - fiery, outspoken, kind, cute as hell, wild hair. She was the type who could speak her mind…

Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 5, 2010 11:13AM

The Plumber is Watching

(This piece was written for Red Room. Their topic of the week: "What what would Franz Kafka blog about if he were alive today?" Not sure if I captured some of the elements of his writing but I tried.)

The first time I see him, he is leaning against his… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 30, 2010 10:05AM

Woman on the Rocks!

The Scene:

A winter Sunday at the Jersey Shore. Waves are big, messy and a little dangerous. Water temperature - 40 degrees. Air temp, about the same.

The Players:

My three surfing friends: Sunday, Pete and Clint (with ass crack showing). And me. (Photos from last summer.)


&… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 24, 2010 8:57AM

Crimes Against Rock - Part 1

I recently received a professional invitation by the staff at the Rock and Roll Hall of Shame and Open Salon's MJWycha to partake in their latest list.

We spent long and hazardous hours exposed to tunes that are considered crimes committed against rock. This includes good bands gone band and bad bands… Read full post »