Beth Mann's Blog
- Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
- November 11
- Hot Buttered Media
- I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song.
And puppies. I effin' love puppies.
MY RECENT POSTS
- It's Just a Truck (Or Why I
Don't Like Michael Stipe)
July 07, 2013 11:27AM
- 10 Screaming, Streaming,
Steaming Netflix Suggestions
June 02, 2013 05:19PM
- You and your Dumb Mental
April 07, 2013 10:12AM
- 10 Rainy Day Streaming Netflix
September 28, 2012 12:41PM
- My Secret Republican Side
August 29, 2012 09:03AM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Alysa, your news
(announced on Facebook) is the
that made me crawl
November 15, 2013 06:14PM
- “Oh friend...you have
been a blessing to so many of
August 05, 2013 08:34AM
- “Thank you for this. Just
July 26, 2013 12:02PM
- “Oh I wish, Ralph. It's a
rust problem--not just the
The fuel lines and
July 11, 2013 07:50AM
- “Yes, vzn, I am comparing
myself to a soap opera actor.
July 10, 2013 12:54PM
Beth Mann's Links
- MY LINKS
- MY LINKS
- MY LINKS
I'm SO going to sue you for this.
1. Back in the day, you could eat bacon freely. It was the world’s tastiest meat product and we celebrated it, proudly. Now, we have to watch out for nitrates, fat and salt - not to mention the pig’s welfare. Back in the… Read full post »
Who's your daddy? If you're lucky, it would be any of these sexy
1. Atticus Finch:
Daddy personified, I'd like to forcibly remove Scout out of this porch scene and replace her with a 43-year old me.
2. Pa Ingalls
I've heard rumors that Michael Landon was a bit of a hard-ass… Read full post »
I like the pie. And that’s why I couldn’t give it to the old lady.
Marjorie is 85 and lives down the street from me. She makes me things and gives me things. I, in turn, move large things for her and remove opossums from her… Read full post »
When I first watched Glee, I felt giddy. Unabashedly expressive, darkly humorous...it was an earnest program with a heart.
And yes, I'm talking in past tense. The Hollywood machine ate the show for brunch and bulimically purged it into the pretty mess we now have before us.… Read full post »
Don’t try to change me.
He says. Drunk, on replay, repeating the same old warning.
Don't try to change me.
My dear, when you have so little to offer, what is there really to change?
Don't try to change me.
If I… Read full post »
As Max kissed Sandra's soft, white neck, she moaned quietly with excitement. He bit and licked his way slowly downward, her hips bucking gently in anticipation. Sandra breathed deeply, wanting to drink in every moment of his wandering mouth on her taut body.
When Max reached her hips, she could… Read full post »
I'm naked in an upscale clothing store in New York
My wealthy friend Thomas is buying a fancy Italian shirt. He buys clothing on a whim. We're going out tonite and he wants to wear something nice.
I browse the men's clothes with him, careful not to drift over to… Read full post »
Secondly, you smiled big and hard when you read the story about Jet Blue's flight attendant Steven Slater and his dramatic dispute with a passenger. According to The New York Times:
Mr. Slater instructed the person to remain… Read full post »
I don't think I've ever tittered before. I'm not even sure what a titter is. But when the question hit me, that's what I began to do.
"Why don't we just have sex? Right now."
Clint and I don't have sex. He and his brothers live down the street and serve… Read full post »
(I wrote this for my writing class and figured I'd share it with old hats like you, who already practice much of what I preach.)
Okay, so my online writing hasn't made me millions. But I've received a good deal of attention, with…
I often ponder whether I should say something. Or perhaps it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. Though it's not her fault, I continue to blame her - every day of my goddamn life.
Pam told me to buy a “better” coffeemaker. You’re not in college anymore, she said. Don… Read full post »
"I think it heals the soul," she whispers, as if a secret.
"I think it does too, Aunt." I reply.
My Aunt Mary Lou and I are on the phone. We're talking about singing instead of addressing her daughter, who is dying of cancer. My aunt needs a break.
"Do you still… Read full post »
"You're giving your pussy away on a platter."
"You're coming across as desperate."
"I am desperate!"
My soon-to-be-ex friend Clint is explaining to me in his inimitable way that giving some guy my number last week went a little too far.
My boyfriend says he wants to start seeing other people. I think it’s the beginning of the end while he thinks this will open us up to "more of life’s possibilities." What do you think?
~ Desperate in Delaware
Tell him you’d like to start see… Read full post »
“Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear and not bothering.” ~ Winnie the Pooh
I like doing nothing. Sometimes its frowned upon and I’m not sure why. Doing nothing is relaxing, fun and easy.
Doin… Read full post »
The first time I died in my sleep, I was a child. Someone knocked me on the head in my dream and I began rising quickly, into the air. A little voice whispered urgently, Don’t go any higher or you can’t come back! Shaken, I willed myself to… Read full post »
The scientists at Silly Lists of Nothingness have been plugging tirelessly away at yet another ridiculous list for your review. This week, Dr. Ruby Lawrence and Dr. Beth Mann spent nearly two hours in the lab, dissecting photographs of hot men in the name of science.
Now, we're not talking about… Read full post »
In case you haven't heard, Boobquake was started by…
"Words are alive. Cut them and they bleed."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yesterday, I had a conversation with an old boyfriend. He said I was the first to say, "I love you." I vaguely remember him initiating it. The debate bordered on an argument and I couldn't help… Read full post »
Mr. Shuffles is a miracle elephant.
After almost 2 years in his mother's womb, the vets could find no vital signs and he was presumed to be stillborn.
At a press conference, the staff at Taronga Zoo in Australia announced the sad news.
I turned my back on television many years ago. Sitcoms, reality TV, annoying commercials - the sheer stupidity of it all seemed too pervasive to overlook. But in the last few years, there's a crop of programs that have me thinking twice. These shows have an almost cinematic quality - beautifull… Read full post »
I heard the calling while driving home from Philadelphia a few mornings ago. I had attended a show at Johnny Brenda’s the night before and stayed over night at a… Read full post »
I take her for a walk a few times a week. I have for years now.
It's the only time she feels her "old self again" she says.
She's recovering from some injuries so she walks slowly. She's always going on about wanting to run again, like me...but I don't know if… Read full post »
taken 11 months before he died.
“Is that the guy who likes to have sex with dead
women?” my boyfriend asks.
“No, I think that’s just a myth.”
“Do you want another line?”
“When I’m done. I… Read full post »
You love it, you hate it. You love it and hate it at the same moment.
2. Cough Syrup
5. The Truth
6. Public Access Television
8. Watching Someone Slip & Fall
9. Being Tickled
10. Bill Clinton
12. Lifetime Movie Events
13. Splinter Removal
14. Wasabi… Read full post »