Beth Mann's Blog
- Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
- November 11
- Hot Buttered Media
- I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song.
And puppies. I effin' love puppies.
MY RECENT POSTS
- It's Just a Truck (Or Why I
Don't Like Michael Stipe)
July 07, 2013 11:27AM
- You and your Dumb Mental
April 07, 2013 10:12AM
- Mentors I Haven't Met
July 31, 2012 10:25AM
- How Drug Busts Mean Big Money
for Law Enforcement
July 26, 2012 05:30PM
- Life, Not Like the
July 15, 2012 06:06PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Lovely piece! Validating
and touching. (And thanks for
February 14, 2014 12:39PM
- “Well look at all the
activity at ol' OS. Kudos
are all the
December 28, 2013 06:34PM
- “Alysa, your news
(announced on Facebook) is the
that made me crawl
November 15, 2013 06:14PM
- “Oh friend...you have
been a blessing to so many of
August 05, 2013 08:34AM
- “Thank you for this. Just
July 26, 2013 12:02PM
Beth Mann's Links
- MY LINKS
- MY LINKS
- MY LINKS
Give Southern Comfort another fighting chance since that 1989 "incident".
Use new vulgarities instead of my old standbys. Cunt off, freakfuck!
Laugh in the face of others, with reckless abandon.
Purge only the inexpensive food.
Work on sharper, wittier retorts with deadly… Read full post »
Our next installation of Silly Lists of Nothingness includes perplexing phrases that never really made sense. Sure, they probably stem from the Middle Ages or whatever - but the point is, we're still baffled.
And no, we don't want any explanations, thank you. We pre…
-Edgar Allan Poe
First dates are up there with anal fissures in the pleasure department but they must be endured. (How else do you get to the sex?) Unfortunately, “deal breakers” may occur on… Read full post »
Some think sexiness is in the eye of the beholder. But is it? Here at Silly Lists of Nothingness, we say its an exacting science that can be proved in labs with women in white coats using complex formulas that are beyond you,…
“Good,” I gasp. “Very, very good.”
We laugh at the gallows’s humor. We can make jokes while having sex. We’re at that point with one another.
Soon the laughing makes way to sighs and moan…
1. Two celebrities face-off in an imaginary fight.
2. Both are in their prime.
3. No weapons can be used.
Points in Sinatra's Favor:
- Sinatra was expelled from … Read full post »
I don’t even like Heath Ledger. But there he is, kneeling over me in bed, his shirt unbuttoned, wondering what to do next. Well, I can’t be sure it’s actually him. He is very Heathlike, that’s for sure. And that is good enough for me.
We are friends. I don’… Read full post »
Yes, it's as if you’ve been doing this mad juggling act…
Whenever someone starts a sentence with “Men are…” or “Women always…”, I cringe. Sweeping generalizations about the sexes are silly at this point. We’re all bleeding into one another, changing, morphing. Plus, these stereotypes tend to be sexi… Read full post »
I’m not sure why you stopped talking to me. It happened slowly, methodically, like rust. There was no big fall-out, no noteworthy event. Suddenly, you and I were no longer speaking. The divide formed.
Women are weird. They’re passivity runs deep. But you and I are different. We&rsqu… Read full post »
Unchecked children drive me nuts. When I have to tell someone's kid to rein it in, I want to send a bill to the parents for services rendered. So when I went to the block party at the end of the street this Labor Day weekend, the last thing I wanted… Read full post »
This week's Silly List of Nothingness is composed of people (and some non-people) who look like they're supposed to. They were named correctly. You look at them and say, "Yep, that sounds about right."
Contributions by Ms. Ruby Lawrence.
1. Bob Seger
2. Margaret Thatcher
3. Abraham… Read full post »
So if you've kept up with my last two posts, you'll know that I recently competed in The Coquina Jam, an all-female surf competition held at the Jersey shore. Loaded with worry and self-doubt, I almost pulled out. Luckily, I stuck it out and experienced the thrill of victory and the
I've always been amazed and often disturbed by the ways people send you messages - the real messages they want to send your way, whether conscious or not. Nowhere has this been more evident as of late than with this upcoming surf competition at 5:00 today.
I've… Read full post »
I am filled with a mild case of dread. (Can one have a mild case of dread or is that like suffering from a slight bout of terror?) Tomorrow, I will compete in an all-female surf tournament at the Jersey shore at 5 pm EST.
I had just returned from a brief trip back to my hometown to see some old friends. Emotionally fragile, I tried my best to engage in conversation with them and listen to their stories, though my
It may have been different where you came from, but where I grew up, we worked with the cashier. It was our food after all and besides, it saved time for you, the cashier and the poor sap behind you. Now people… Read full post »
Amanda dreams of riding undulating silver worms in the desert. She is wearing ornate filigree glasses and talks with Egyptian women, somehow knowing the language. She has wild orgies with ever-changing partners. She is suddenly a man, then back to a woman, then a man again. Body parts are made… Read full post »
Why? Undoubtedly (and… Read full post »
From 1999 - 2006, a group of friends and I worked on an experimental comedy show called Thrush TV. It was very lo-fi, guerrilla style videomaking. We were mainly performers, not filmmakers! Most of… Read full post »
I haven't spoken with you in so long. Things are such a mess. And I need your help.
I seem to be crying too much, feeling overwhelmed and broken. I don't really think anyone cares about me. Everyone will say they do...but they don't. Not…
I have been surfing for about 7 years now. Taught
It's a very difficult sport to master and I'm not even close to where I want to be. But I work on it, constantly. I surf because it maintains my sanity. Without it, I'm left swimming in a sea of dark… Read full post »
As I watched Law & Order, Criminal Intent, last night, I thought long and hard about Vincent Donofrio. He's a fine actor. More than fine - he's a very good actor. But he's a little annoying, with his over the top mannerisms and twitchy idiosyncrasies.
I fantasized about directing him… Read full post »
(As 14 of you may know from my previous post, I magically created actor/singer Jared Leto out of thin air with my supernatural abilities, only to send him running because of my rudeness and general lack of caring. Well, last week, Jared forgave me and asked me out to dinner. I… Read full post »
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