Well, yes - obviously. Everybody knows that men are natural born creepazoids. The vast majority of rapists, child molesters, serial killers, and plain old ordinary murderers are men. It must be the testosterone. Right?

As a Trauma Queen, I spent years of my life despising men. Men were to blame for everything bad in my life and in the world.  Men were scum. Men were pigs. Men were the enemy.

It's as easy as eating chocolate chip cookie dough  to fuel the fires of contempt for men.  Cultural anthropology, history, the titty bar on the corner - all are bursting at the seams with reasons for women to hate men. But there's a problem with all of this:

Men are not really separate from women. 

We male and female human beings are not separate entities. We do not come from different planets. And we are not opposites. We aren't even complimentary. We are completely and irrevocably intertwined, down to the very cells of our bodies. So how can one gender be "better" or "worse" than another?

Yes, it's true - most of the world's physical and sexual violence is committed by men. But the seeds of that violence, and the perpetuation of that violence, exist in men and women equally. Together.

Women give birth to men. I recently heard an incredible rumour that every man on this planet, good or evil,  actually came from the body of a woman.  Women are the primary transmitters, creators, and sustainers of culture. We are not  passive victims of oppression. We never have been.

Look around you. Look at  movies, tv, and magazines.Look at politics. Look at  titty bars. Look at your own family. Then tell me that women have no responsibility  for maintaining a sexually violent and degrading status quo.

Women have tremendous power, whether we claim it or not. I can't and won't speak for women in other cultures and other countries, but again - I hear rumours: rumours of women who birth and raise men, who birth and raise women, who are the very first teachers of life, love, and morality. Can we be any less responsible than men for the world we live in?

The abusers who put their hands on me as a child were men. But they were aided and abetted by the choices of women.  It was women who protected these men, even after they died. It was women who served their children up like raw steak to these men in exchange for money, status, and security. And this isn't rare. We women know this isn't rare."Female" forms of evil may not be as obvious as "male" forms of evil, but they are every bit as destructive.

As a feminist, I used to find primatologists extremely annoying. They were always telling me how natural and unavoidable male dominance was, because our closest relatives in nature were male-dominated. (Our closest relatives in nature also slept in trees, but I didn't hear  primatologists telling me that was natural and unavoidable). Then I read "Our Inner Ape", by Frans de Waal, and I finally fell in love with being a primate.

Frans, you see, introduced me to the Bonobos. I love them. They are the only primates, including humans, that I  whole-heartedly relate to. Like humans, Bonobos are highly intelligent, have breasts (well, the females do), enjoy sex in the missionary position, walk upright, and have patches of hair on the tops of their heads. Unlike humans, Bonobos don't just give lip service to the "Make Love, Not War" philosophy. They live that philosophy.  When one (male-dominated) Chimpanzee troop encounters another, they try to rip each other to shreds. When one (egalitarian) Bonobo troop encounters another, they all have group sex. Party down! Whoop! It's like the sixties all over again! 

 Unlike female Chimps (who tend to live in violent brutal societies) female Bonobos bond with each other and rule together - and they make life a whole lot sweeter for the males. Unlike male chimps, who live in constant danger of being murdered or castrated by rival males, male Bonobos live long, healthy, sex-filled, violence-free lives. This is because male Bonobos-unlike Chimps and unlike far too many humans -  have powerful mothers.

As any woman who's ever had a mother-in-law knows, mothers can be very  protective of their sons. And Bonobo mothers, because they have power, are more than capable of making sure that their sons are not messed with. Male Bonobos don't kill each other because their mothers won't let them. So the poor dears live out their lives eating fruit fresh off  the trees and copulating with multiple females. That's the price males pay when they relinquish gender dominance. Sigh.

A Bonobo male's life plays like a Jimmy Buffet song. And you what? So does a  Bonobo female's life. Unlike other female primates (including humans), Bonobo females live their lives free from rape, infanticide, and domestic violence. Let's hear it for Family Values!

I have a question for myself and other  human females out there: if  Bonobo females can bond together and create a world that's safe for both   their male and female children, why can't we?  After all, we are highly intelligent, we have breasts, we enjoy the missionary position (when we're feeling kinda lazy), we walk upright, and we have patches of hair on the tops of our heads.We're as capable as Bonobos. Aren't we?

Men are not the "creepy" gender. Not a chance. And we are not a "creepy" species. We are growing and learning and struggling, and I have faith in us. I have faith that we humans, someday, will evolve to achieve the peace and  harmony enjoyed by Bonobos. But to do that, we women have to stop blaming men, and start claiming our own power.

Either that, or we could all start sleeping in trees.