Bill E.

Bill E.
Location
ABQ, New Mexico, USA
Birthday
June 28
Title
Director
Company
melaleuca.com
Bio
Former TV weatherman, copier salesman, mortgage seller (no, it's not my fault), shoe salesman, bartender, cloud-seeder, writer, blackjack/craps dealer. California kid or, as some like to say, 'Native Son of the Golden West.' Reared in bucolic Santa Rosa along the banks of the S.R. Creek and a walnut orchard that separated the crick from our house. I was on the high school swim team (not very good). I attended Santa Rosa Jr. College and Sonoma State until my education was interrupted by the draft. So it was the Air Force and eventually Penn State and a career in TV until that dissipated. Messed around with the above odd jobs ending with the blackjack thing and then now - edgy retirement.

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MARCH 6, 2009 8:41AM

End over end into a telephone pole

Rate: 1 Flag

I was 18 and the alcoholism that would plague me for the rest of my life was becoming evident, though I wouldn't recognize it as a problem for 30 years. I had gotten off work at the Lucky Store where I was working as a bag boy, and attending the local junior college at night in an attempt to get reinstated after I flunked out the previous semester. I think it was a Saturday, and a couple of the other guys and I got ahold of a bunch of beer and proceeded to get totally shitfaced. I blacked out, and remember nothing until the car was on top of me, upside down. I managed to crawl out through the passenger window, but then crawled back in to turn off the radio. When I got out again I saw that the car, a 1949 Cadillac, which was built like a tank, was lying across both lanes of California State Highway 12. I was in the middle of the Valley of the Moon, not far from Jack London's Wolf House museum, about 10 miles north of Santa Rosa. Why I was in that place at that time I have no idea, unless I thought it was cool to go for a ride.

The roof had been torn off the car. What did I do? I hitchhicked back to town and went to bed. At around 4 a.m. I was awakened by two California Highway Patrol officers, one of them shining a flashlight in my face. I saw my parents standing behind them with their arms crossed. I was told they spent over an hour looking for a body in the orchard that grew right up to the road's edge, and, finding none, came to my house.

Apparently I had fallen asleep at the wheel and had driven off the road and up the embankment, causing the car to roll. Then it went end-over-end a couple of times, landed on its left side, and hit a telephone pole at hood-level, shearing off the roof. Since I had fallen on the floor I avoided being decapitated. The car then slid back onto the highway. I didn't have a scratch, though my parents chewed my ass pretty well for the next month. Why I did not die I can only chalk up to being drunk, relaxed, and lucky enough to slide under the steering column.

I've had some really sucky times in my life, and during those times I often wonder if I really was killed and this was HELL.

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brush with death

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Somehow, I can relate.


Sobriety Test Rated.