I stopped the antidepressants a month ago. Felt ok for a few weeks but the last two weeks have been overwhelming. I'd been taking the pills for like 12 years and got to thinking - I was sick and tired of relying on drugs to feel ok. And, the side effects, mostly sexual, are a problem. Loss of libido, can't orgasm. Those things seem terrible when you're NOT depressed. But once the depression takes hold you'll do anything to make it go away. Reliance on drugs - no biggie. Side effects - who gives a shit. Just make this unbelievable pain go away. If cutting off an arm will stop it, fine, do it. Stopping the pills - bad decision!
Now it's just about completely overtaken me. I can't get out of bed in the morning, can't clean the house, can't write, can't do anything. I know exercise will help but I'm too far gone to get out and do it. I'm at a loss.
Desperation. Refilled the Rx yesterday and got started again. It takes somewhere between three and six weeks for the drugs to kick in -- one of the really awful truths about those damned things. The wait can be interminable. Gotta somehow hang in there.
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I hope that you will feel better soon. Some people have to take anti-depressants -- just like others have to take insulin. There's no shame in it.
@emma: Thank you
@newblog: My goodness. Your comment is really something. I have to go read it again. Thanks, and good luck pal.
@ablonde: Have to find a new doctor, but I actually got out the directory tonight and wrote down several phone numbers. Thanks dear, and good luck with the otters and whales.
IT IS A CHRONIC BRAIN ILLNESS JUST LIKE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE OR DIABETES IS A DISEASE.
THINK ABOUT IT, DO YOU EVER HEAR PEOPLE WITH HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SAY, OH, I DON'T WANT TO BE JUST DRUGGED UP I WANT TO FACE MY PROBLEMS? WHY JUST MEDICATE THESE PEOPLE, WHY NOT DEAL WITH THE REAL PROBLEMS? The false stereotypes live on.
I am talking about someone who truly has a chronic medical illness, not just someone who needs to talk to a counselor.
Hang in there man, cool post.
I am moved by your post. You brought me into your world by coming over to my small little section of Open Salon and commenting on my story. Let me take a moment to thank you.
I know how you feel. Sometimes, recognition and finding someone who understands makes a world of difference. However, sometimes, even though you have that momentary solace that someone understands, it just doesn't help. I know how you feel and empathize with it. Perhaps you feel alone in this battle. Trust me when I say that you are not alone. There are people who love you very much. Unfortunately, however, you are alone in fighting the demons that are festering within you. No one can banish them but you. Even if you take small steps, you can do it.
Depression has a lot to do with self-doubt: "I can't do this. I'll never get better." In this post alone, how many "can't"s can you count? Too many. The prision of depression is built by "can't", but "can" can and will break you out of it. Take a small step and, when you find yourself saying something negative, just notice that you're being negative. Try with just noticing. Then, after you're done noticing, try to counteract one negative thought a day with a positive one: "I can't get out of bed today. Oh, but, it sure looks nice outside." - Eventually, you may find that you're so tired of being negative, that you'll want to be positive.
Please e-mail if you want a friend on this journey. I've been there and I've survived this monster. I can help too.