Just to prove that I'm not crazy (at least not delusional-style crazy), I thought I would do a little conspiracy debunking today.  I have my doubts about the existence of extra-terrestials, despite the recent polls showing one in five humans on Earth believe aliens are already here.  That's mostly due to India, and the parts of the Mahabharata that pretty much talk about alien space-ship battles.  I suppose it's theoretically possible, because the Universe is a big place.  Nor do I think the government would have trouble keeping space aliens secret; 9/11 kinda fucked up that whole preconception for me.  It's just that, I mean, why would aliens ever want to come here?  We've turned this planet into a hollow, poisonous shell in the last fifty years, and we have a nasty habit of revolution and war against unpopular dictators.  I suppose aliens might want to transform Earth into a Utopia of love and happiness, because that idea worked out so well for Jesus.  But even in High School, when I laughed at the possibility of a New World Order or Illuminati, I thought David Icke was a jackass.  Anyway this all comes up because I was watching the History Channel and they were running a show on aliens.  Here's an attempted debunking of the facts provided:

We have to clearly differentiate between myth and provable fact here.  Yes, the Mexican government and several others have called on the US to acknowledge that Unidentified Flying Objects have existed since the beginning of man.  The first unexplained light sightings in Massachusetts were in the late 1600s, right before the Salem Witch Trials.  The reports, included in the diaries of prominent men of government and church, shared similarities with modern sightings; balls of colored light moving across the sky, etc.  These "alien" lights, the Trials and the "devil" ghost soldiers who were harassing Cape Ann at the same time can all be explained by contamination of the hallucinogen ergot in the grain supplies of Massachusetts around 1690.  The lights could be anything, but based off reports from WWII where energy balls called "Foo Fighters" would follow ships I would guess ball lightning or some kind of electrical disruption caused by technology entering the magnetosphere.

Next, the History Channel pointed to ancient evidence of alien visitors.  While it IS true that every single race since the beginning of man has had myths of half-snake half-human Gods, this can be negated through Jungian Archetypes which society uses to explain the natural world.  It doesn't necessarily mean the shape-changing serpent king of Chinese mythology was real.  The show pointed out several examples, for instance the Mayan glyph of an astronaut flying into space:

This is actually a dead king ascending into heaven on the tree of life, another archetype constantly misinterpreted as archeological evidence of aliens.  It's fairly obvious if you can read middle state Mayan, which apparently the history channel cannot.

Then the show moved onto Egypt, claiming this stelae proves the ancient Pharaohs had access to some type of alien helicopter:

See the helicopter, top left?  And the saucer, middle right?  Once more, the History Channel is wrong.  They should stick to talking about Hitler.  This scene is a palimpsest, two sets of writing from different dates superimposed on one another.  In Greek that literally means "Again, I Scrape".  You can tell by looking at the lotus on the right, because the second author copied over a standard Hetep Di Nesu offering formula to add some feathers and a loaf of bread.  Amateur.

Then the show went on to talk about so-called secret military research bases for the rest of the hour.  As for Area-51, the lack of access doesn't necessarily mean the government is hiding alien technology inside.  Take Fort Knox.  The primary reason they keep Americans out is so we won't realize all the gold is gone.  To misquote Rumsfeld, the absence of evidence IS the evidence of absence.

 I just realized that by Rumsfeld's WMD logic, aliens must exist.  And crop circles are just drunken rednecks with string.  I gotta call this one debunked.  With apologies to the insane community, for comparing your logic streams to the Neocons.  You guys are way more coherent.