Musings on the Death of My Perfect Partner
Fresh from Birch Creek
John A Bayerl
- Location
- Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA
- Birthday
- May 30
- Bio
- My wife of 47+ years died at home with me at her side, on November 12, 2010. She and I, together with our children and many friends and relatives, fought her cancer for four years, seven months and a week. This blog acknowledges her courage and exemplary life. She taught us how to live, and she taught us how to die. The blog also honors the love she shared with everyone who knew her.I am a retired school counselor and college professor.
MY RECENT POSTS
- FRIENDSHIP BONDS
May 22, 2012 11:22AM - No hot dogs here.
May 19, 2012 10:56AM - Barney
May 19, 2012 12:41AM - Five dollars for a goddam hot
dog and cup of coffee!
May 18, 2012 11:18PM - LET IT SHINE IN THE WORLD
May 16, 2012 03:01PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Let me wish you
well--remember, what we
perceive we receive.
You have
lots of go…”
11:50PM - “Gwen and I loved DWTS,
we watched the very first
show,which
was quite primitive
b…”
11:46PM - “Love that sacred
flute.”
11:40PM - “Geeze oh man, J. D. this
is amazing, makes an old guy
feel
young.”
11:38PM - “This moved me deeply.
For the better part of five
years I too
lived a life that
h…”
May 23, 2012 06:51PM
John A Bayerl's Links
- New list
- Fresh from Birch Creek
MAY 22, 2012 11:22AM
FRIENDSHIP BONDS
Side by side
they gather round
the campfire
of their glowing screens
listen to written words
with eyes so soft
as they battle their battles
struggle their struggles
grieve alone
in the company of others
separated
by miles
and seas
and seas
and time zones
and area codes
and zip codes
filled with hope
they form community
forge
… Read full post »
MAY 18, 2012 11:18PM
Five dollars for a goddam hot dog and cup of coffee!
The
weather today has been absolutely perfect. Bright and sunny,
a cool dry breeze, temperature in the 70s; it didn't take much
convincing for me to join Ed for a round of golf. On my way
home I realized that it had been a while since I'd had a rueben
sandwich… Read full post »
MAY 16, 2012 3:01PM
LET IT SHINE IN THE WORLD
A year ago; on a stormy day, I posted this. Today is a
bright, shiny day.
Now I walk through
life
as best I can
without herin a reality tinged with sadness.
Yet, she is with
me,
hovering in
the background,always in the corner of my eye;
gently prodding, encouraging me onward.
Let our love live,
she te… Read full post »
MAY 13, 2012 6:45PM
A DAY FOR MOTHERS
A day for mothers
filled with memories.
Mother Claire
gave me life itself
then filled it with love
of reading
and learning
and music
gave me to myself.
Mother-in-law Bertha
gave my life
joyful noise
with stories
and polkas
and a grin
gave me her daughter.
Wife Gwen
Mother of our children
gave me love itself
then fille
… Read full post »
MAY 12, 2012 3:20PM
SEPARATION ANXIETY
It must be
that this happens
to all who grieve—
there is a separation
a distancing
that draws things
nearer—
what is now
no longer bears the mark
of what was then
the connection is
in many ways
stronger, more grounded
less urgent
yet more immediate
hugs
soft embraces
all that follows
so very different now
… Read full post »
MAY 10, 2012 10:40PM
MORE THAN A COAT
I caress the lining
of her leather coat
and think of all the times
she was there
next to the satin
filled with love
shielded from the cold
feeling safe, secure
in my embrace.
I am reassured
that she is here
one more time
let me help you with your coat
Dear.
John A. Bayerl, May 10,
2012
Perhaps it's the remin
… Read full post »
MAY 7, 2012 8:49AM
OFF TO THE RACES
Saturday I was at the Michigan International Speedway in Brooklyn, Michigan. (Yes, there really is a Brooklyn in Michigan.) Son John, Jr., who is a science/technology teacher at the Michael Berry Career Center in Dearborn, asked me to serve as a parent volunteer at a "com/… Read full post »
MAY 1, 2012 9:18PM
HER PURSE
It hangs on a hook
in the closet
where she left it
caramel-color leather
not real big
just right for someone petite.
Her wallet is still inside
driver’s license, now
expired,
insurance cards
no longer needed
little note she wrote
to herself—
buy John a B. D.
card—
later delivered
with a kiss.
All a sw
… Read full post »
APRIL 27, 2012 1:08PM
EMPTY DARKNESS
I leave the land
of empty darkness
reach for the lamp
that reveals
the day ahead
where I do the things
that make me
me
where even on the cloudiest day
it is the daylight
that gives life meaning
until night
when I reach for the lamp
to enter again
to enter again
the land of empty darkness
where dreams are no longer allowed.
John A.
… Read full post »
APRIL 19, 2012 10:07PM
EASY PICKINGS
I watch a squirrel
build a nest
in the four-pronged oak
outside my window.
Last night’s storm
left branches and limbs
scattered
everywhere—
easy pickings
for a squirrel
that rode out the storm
in an oaken crotch
and thought about baby
squirrels yet to come
knew to get busy
building a nest
before the next stor
… Read full post »
APRIL 12, 2012 9:49AM
APRIL SNOW
I had heard
the words
spoken
before
said them
myself
with, I
thought, conviction
deep
emotion.
heard them
repeated, whispered
through a
kiss
believed the
words
to be
true
as my heart
filled
with
something new
pure and
white
warm, but
like snow
silently
falling, giving
witness,
making new
two young
hearts
filled
… Read full post »
APRIL 2, 2012 11:38AM
POETRY AND ME
This is what I told my friend
about poetry and me
it’s kind of shorthand
for who I am today
a synopsis
of all I’ve ever been
and
a glimpse
of who I am yet to be.
John A. Bayerl, April 2, 2012
Recently I had an exchange with a friend about
how down in the dumps she has
… Read full post »
MARCH 29, 2012 1:32PM
LIVING IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of Gwen's illness
was to watch someone so vital and appreciative of every moment of
life lose ground each day on the things that we simply take for
granted. Things like being able to dress, walk from one room
to another, feed oneself, or
… Read full post »
MARCH 28, 2012 1:13PM
ENTERING MACY'S
The last time I was at
Macy’s
She was with me
in a wheel chair
now I’m ready to go there
again
alone.
Or am I?
Maybe, if I avoid
Petite Women’s
Clothing
especially the chair by the dressing
room
Children’s Clothing
it’s OK to spoil them
rotten
Cosmetics
Youth Dew Powder
Lingerie
need I say more?
Should h
… Read full post »
MARCH 22, 2012 6:32PM
MISSING THE KISSING
At least for me
one of the things that is missed
is the kissing—
think about it
at only two kisses per day
after 50 years
we’re talking about
close to 37,00 of them
and there were certainly days
when two kisses were just a beginning.
Will I ever forget
that first kiss
at her front door
the one that made me
… Read full post »
MARCH 20, 2012 9:33PM
MY WIFE (WHAT SHE MEANS TO ME.)
This is
something I posted more than a year ago. It seems appropriate
to publish it again, on the first day of spring. We've been
having exceptionally warm weather in Ann Arbor; today the
temperature was in the 80s. The daffodils, hyacinths, lilies
and crocuses have all poked their… Read full post »
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