Musings on the Death of My Perfect Partner

Fresh from Birch Creek

John A Bayerl

John A Bayerl
Location
Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA
Birthday
May 30
Bio
My wife of 47+ years died at home with me at her side, on November 12, 2010. She and I, together with our children and many friends and relatives, fought her cancer for four years, seven months and a week. This blog acknowledges her courage and exemplary life. She taught us how to live, and she taught us how to die. The blog also honors the love she shared with everyone who knew her.I am a retired school counselor and college professor.

MY RECENT POSTS

MY RECENT COMMENTS

John A Bayerl's Links

MY LINKS
DECEMBER 24, 2011 1:20PM

GRACEFUL GIFT

Rate: 11 Flag


GRACEFUL GIFT

The last thing at night
before drifting off to sleep
I feel again
your body close to mine
my cares of the day
dissolve into its soft warmth.

I hold you again
in the way
that only I can.

How many times
did I welcome
the graceful gift
of your nearness?

It matters not
I believe
that all those nights
have passed.
Tonight
I’ll know them again
as each yesterday
becomes the present.

John A. Bayerl, December 24, 2011


Pictures and poetry have power to plumb the depths of our hearts.

Another Christmas without you, Dear; we'll never get used to it.  I'm blessed to see you in our children and their children; when memories aren't enough.

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:
Cancel

Comments

Type your comment below:
Cancel
"I hold you again
in the way
that only I can"

I know this feeling. John, I hope and trust all will be well tonight and tomorrow.
Boanerges1
December 24, 2011 03:47 PM
How many of us would trade all our tomorrows, for one single yesterday?
R
Out on a limb
December 24, 2011 04:15 PM
When I wrote those lines I wondered whether they might be pretentious--obviously, they weren't. Thanks.
John A Bayerl
December 24, 2011 04:19 PM
With love like that, it can't be over. Congratulations on your many gifts.
Helvetica Stone
December 24, 2011 04:20 PM
Out on a Limb, you well the feeling of longing that can sometimes be overwhelming. Thanks.
John A Bayerl
December 24, 2011 04:22 PM
I hope you're listening to Christmas carols and enjoying your tree and children.
Mumbletypeg
December 24, 2011 04:29 PM
Helvetica, you absolutely get it. Thanks.

Mumbletypeg, I tried to include music on the list of things that stir our emotions but couldn't make it not sound forced. Yes, I'm enjoying the gifts I do have.
John A Bayerl
December 24, 2011 04:34 PM
Nothing pretentious about honoring your love of loved ones :). In fact this rather quiet musing on the gift of her simple presence is quite sterling.

Rated for the gift of visceral memory.
Seer
December 24, 2011 05:30 PM
Lovely memories. A very poignant post. Hope this night and tomorrow are kind to you.
Rated
Unbreakable
December 24, 2011 05:56 PM
A love poem. Timeless and beautiful. Merry Christmas to you.
just phyllis
December 24, 2011 10:13 PM
John, thinking of you today.
OEsheepdog
December 25, 2011 12:33 PM
Thanks, grif, I hope you are out on the water today.
John A Bayerl
December 25, 2011 04:23 PM
Thank you Seer; visceral memory says it well.
John A Bayerl
December 25, 2011 04:25 PM
Thanks you, Phyllis45, the poem is based on a love that was quite real and in some ways miraculous.
John A Bayerl
December 25, 2011 04:29 PM
OEsheepdog, thank you for your encouragement. Your blog is about change; I remember reading this about change a long time ago: "We don't fear change, we fear loss." The loss of my partner in life confirmed the truth of that statement.
John A Bayerl
December 25, 2011 04:36 PM
Those of us who haven't experienced it can't really know the cost of the loss. All I can offer is what you've hinted at, that you see her in the children and grandchildren, that there resides the seed of beauty that will continue to grow. Best wishes John.
bbd
December 25, 2011 06:15 PM
Thank you bbd; since the death of the woman who completed me I have learned the true meaning of everlasting love.
John A Bayerl
December 25, 2011 06:29 PM
"As each yesterday becomes the present."

What is the present without all those yesterdays? It wouldn't exist. The past, the present the future, all really one in the same, a continuum. It sounds like your perfect partner continues to provide graceful gifts as she lives in your lovely words.
Margaret Feike
December 27, 2011 10:44 AM
Thank you, Margaret; I teared up as I read your comments.
John A Bayerl
December 27, 2011 07:06 PM
How did I miss this, John?

Another beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing.

The gifts you and Gwen shared ... in love, in life and in children ... you capture so beautifully in your words, John.

I especially enjoyed seeing your Christmas photo with your grandchildren!
Little Kate
December 27, 2011 09:31 PM
Thank you, Kate, sometimes the poems come easily and all at once. This one was like that.
John A Bayerl
December 28, 2011 08:41 PM