A year ago; on a stormy day, I posted this. Today is a bright, shiny day.
Now I walk through life
as best I can without herin a reality tinged with sadness.
Yet, she is with me,
hovering in the background,always in the corner of my eye;
gently prodding, encouraging me onward.
Let our love live,
she tells me, find ways
to let it shine in the world.
John A. Bayerl, May 21, 2011
Our son, John, Jr., has a beautiful picture of Marquette taken from a beach on Lake Superior. It makes me happy/sad; I can see Gwen enjoying being at the beach, she loved Lake Superior, while our dog Max relentlessly stalks seagulls and sticks floating in the water. I had the same kind of feeling on the golf course yesterday; it seemed so unfair that Gwen wasn't there enjoying a beautiful summer evening with me. That's what it's like to miss someone who was such a constant source of love in your life. I've learned that Gwen's death has had a way of sharpening my priorities; I came to the realization that there are few things in this world that really matter much beyond the three F's--faith, family and friends. Most of the rest of it is, as the song says, blowing in the wind. So, I'll feel sorry for myself and cry if I want to.
My friend, Frank, called this morning to tell me that his wife, Caroline, died yesterday morning. We talked for at least an hour. Like Gwen, she fought lung cancer for a much longer time than had been predicted. Also, she was a non-smoker. We first met them at a support group meeting at St. Joseph Mercy Cancer Center back in 2006. Her funeral Mass is Saturday morning. Many of our friends will be there, while it will be great to see them all again, it promises to be another tearful event. . . good for the soul kind of tears.
It's mid afternoon and a storm has arrived; it's gotten terribly dark, there's lightning and thunder, the wind is driving big raindrops against the antique school bell on the post outside my window. Especially, on a stormy day; love needs to shine in the world--as always, the poem is for you, Dear.
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Sadly too many passing, too many tears, too many hours spent remembering and yet we endure and keep the fires of faith alive.
~R~