Musings on the Death of My Perfect Partner
Fresh from Birch Creek
John A Bayerl
- Location
- Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA
- Birthday
- May 30
- Bio
- My wife of 47+ years died at home with me at her side, on November 12, 2010. She and I, together with our children and many friends and relatives, fought her cancer for four years, seven months and a week. This blog acknowledges her courage and exemplary life. She taught us how to live, and she taught us how to die. The blog also honors the love she shared with everyone who knew her.I am a retired school counselor and college professor.
MY RECENT POSTS
- SIMPLE MEDITATION
September 26, 2012 05:14PM - STILL LLOVE
August 27, 2012 09:16PM - Loving in the Afternoon (or,
Invasion of the Body Snatcher.
July 25, 2012 01:32PM - OURS ENDLESSLY
July 16, 2012 05:02PM - THE PERFECT CIRLCE OF LOVE
July 12, 2012 10:46PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Certainly describes many
of us, Rita. Sometimes when I
catch
myself "in
my…”
September 27, 2012 12:56PM - “The good news is that if
we do the work broken hearts
can
heal. Lovely as
always…”
September 27, 2012 12:52PM - “Thanks, Michelle, I love
everything you write.”
September 27, 2012 12:42PM - “Thanks ooal, it is good
to be back among
friends.”
September 27, 2012 12:41PM - “Buffy, there's a card in
the mail for you.”
September 27, 2012 12:38PM
John A Bayerl's Links
JANUARY 3, 2012 9:20AM
ON POETRY AND GRIEF REVISITED
Soon it will
be a year since I began writing this blog. I have tried to
remain true to my original intent, which was my desire to honor
Gwen's memory. Part of it has involved writing poems, over
the course of the past year I have written 140 of them.
In… Read full post »
JANUARY 2, 2012 7:34PM
Second day of the year.
FIRST DAY OF
THE NEW YEAR
The first day of the New Year
is no different than the last day of the
old.
There is a new number
to put on the letters
I’ll never write
and the checks
I surely will.
Everything else
is pretty much the same:
the lingering smell of cookies
the familiar sound
of Christmas
… Read full post »
JANUARY 1, 2012 10:01PM
AQUAV-VELVA MAN
Just for fun:
AQUA-VELVA MAN
We went out dancing on our first anniversary.
She was radiant in her blue silk dress,
wore my favorite fragrance.
I was clean shaven,
hair Bryl-Creamed back—
at my Aqua-Velva best.
The band played our favorite waltz,… Read full post »
JANUARY 1, 2012 10:53AM
Another of Her Miracles.
Shortly before Christmas, when I was at a florist looking for
babies breath that our grandchildren used to decorate our little
Christmas Tree, I came across a single rosebud, in with a little
greenery and offered for sale at a reduced price. It looked
pretty sad, and the likelihood that it
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 30, 2011 11:29PM
LETTERS FROM THE PAST
This is based on a post I made almost a year ago. It is my New Year's Eve offering.
One of the things I've discovered since Gwen's death is that, although most of her belongings have been donated to charity, I continue to find things she left behind. Sometimes these… Read full post »
DECEMBER 29, 2011 7:03PM
What doesn't kill you. . .
I’m in a reflective mood
today although I also got a lot accomplished. Dad would have had
only one word for today’s
weather—unhealthy. The day began with snow, light
at first, then big feathery flakes. Next there was sleet, then rain
mixed with snow, then rain, and tonight it is aga/
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 29, 2011 11:41AM
MENDING A BROKEN HEART
October 22, 1961
There I was,
minding my own business,
tending to the broken heart
left behind by a girl named Betty Jo.
Out of nowhere she crawled into
the back seat of the car
sat herself on… Read full post »
DECEMBER 28, 2011 9:37PM
One of those day.
From the time
I awoke this morning I felt Gwen's absence in the emptiness of the
house, yet I felt her presence near me as I went about the day.
This was most obvious when I called Izzy and wished her a
happy birthday. Where were you, Gwen? You loved
to… Read full post »
DECEMBER 28, 2011 10:55AM
FINAL ACTS
FINAL ACTS
She awoke from her afternoon nap
and asked when we were going home.
We are home, I assured her
see, here’s our family picture, the TV,
the crystal bell from your folks’ 50th.
This time it was different.… Read full post »
DECEMBER 27, 2011 11:43AM
RED RED WINE
Red, red wine
was the song
we danced to
on the deck
of the catamaran
on the way to Nevis Island.
Red, red lips
were the ones I kissed
as we floated
over coral
and fish of every color
there in the Caribbean.
Red, red eyes
are the ones that cry
as I recall
the joy of
those days
on the Isle of St. Kitts.
John A.
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 26, 2011 10:34PM
BRAVELY BEAUTIFUL
BRAVELY
BEAUTIFUL
Her last
birthday
with
us
we went to a
movie,
Secretariat, she
loved horses.
Sitting next to
her,
there in the
theater
seeing her in real
life
she looked so
shrunken
too small for the
seat.
How could she ever
have
ridden a
horse?
I saw brave and beautiful.
Wanted so much
to protect
her
from
wha
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 24, 2011 1:20PM
GRACEFUL GIFT
GRACEFUL GIFT
The last thing at night
before drifting off to sleep
I feel again
your body close to mine
my cares of the day
dissolve into its soft warmth.
I hold you again
in the way
that only I can.
How many times
did I welcome
the graceful gift
of your nearness?
It matters not
I believe
that all those nights
hav
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 24, 2011 12:53PM
GRACEFUL GIFT
GRACEFUL GIFT
The last thing at night
before drifting off to sleep
I feel again
your body close to mine
my cares of the day
dissolve into its soft warmth.
I hold you again
in the way
that only I can.
How many times
did I welcome
the graceful gift
of your nearness?
It matters not
I believe
that all those nights
hav
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 23, 2011 11:21PM
SWEET INNOCENCE
SWEET
INNOCENCE
We found it by chance
the little diner
that served grilled pecan rolls
on Sunday morning
we went there after Mass
enjoyed the coffee and the rolls
but mainly each other’s
company—
our own special time
in our own special place
two kids from the U. P.
newly in love
with everything
bright
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 22, 2011 9:29PM
HARVEST MOON POND
HARVEST MOON POND
A harvest moon reflects the brass
plaque
honoring Jen and
Nora.
I sit on the steel bench, also in
their honor,
and try not to see the
pond.
The now grown trees and shrubs
that surround it,
the Cyclone Fence that circles
it
keep it safe and innocent,
and,
I wonder how anything so ordinary
an
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 21, 2011 9:11PM
NARCISSUS BULB
NARCISSUS BULB
The narcissus bulb
I planted a year ago
now sleeps
in cold, dark earth.
Beneath the ice and snow
it waits patiently
wanting only
to preen for me.
Its delicate petals
will open
and I will enjoy
its sweet musky smell
feel its taste on my lips
become one with its beauty
in the spring
when all is transf
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 20, 2011 12:17PM
SCENES ALONG THE WAY
SCENES
ALONG THE WAY
The landmarks roll by
like scenes in a familiar movie
each
with its own set of memories.
What once was a beautiful home
has a lawn long since gone to hay
sagging roof
windows shattered and gone
someone’s flaming
dream
now a slow fire.
Hog Island General Store
fudge
smoked fish
jerky
pasties
i
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 19, 2011 11:36AM
PREPARING FOR ANGELS
PREPARING FOR ANGELS
Midnight,
late in December of
my sixty-third year on earth,
I
stood alone beneath the ironwood tree,
near the southern shore of Lake Superior.
There,
in that awful silence
and the clean, crystalline cold
I
heard the sound of snowflakes
arranging their warm, intricate patterns
on the
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 18, 2011 3:07PM
Sunday Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iP27eatYxE&feature=share
DECEMBER 17, 2011 11:44AM
Sometimes a poem. . .
Marriage is a Bungee Jump
Marriage is a bungee jump off some box canyon
in Colorado, concession manned by a minion
from the fifties high on weed, beard he hadn't brushed
since high school. The ropes felt new enough
and he swore he measured them, the fall to the rocks
a lovers' leap eighty/
… Read full post »in Colorado, concession manned by a minion
from the fifties high on weed, beard he hadn't brushed
since high school. The ropes felt new enough
and he swore he measured them, the fall to the rocks
a lovers' leap eighty/
DECEMBER 16, 2011 10:07PM
BEFORE THE DEADLY DIAGNOSIS
BEFORE THE DEADLY
DIAGNOSIS
We are grateful
for,
and appreciative
of
the quality of life we
own,
the gift of each
day,
the opportunity to live
life
to its
fullest.
Was life, just
life,
ever so real, so near, so
present,
indeed, so
important,
before the deadly
diagnosis?
Is that what it
takes?
How
sad.
John
DECEMBER 15, 2011 11:12PM
TONIGHT TEARS (AGAIN)
TONIGHT TEARS
A familiar country road
at night
made special
by sheer ordinariness
Dare I say sacred?
The big hill always surprised us
just by being there.
Look, the lights of Brighton
and Howell, and I think that’s Novi.
All twinkling and sparkling
in the cold clear night.
So beautiful.
You wo
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 14, 2011 1:15PM
TOGETHER
TOGETHER
You are always foremost in my thoughts
never an afterthought
You are forever held close in my heart
my heart is yours
When life was but a breath
we breathed together
From the first I love you to the last
our love goes on.
John A. Bayerl, December
14, 2011
Rain is dripping off the cast-iron school
bell
… Read full post »
DECEMBER 13, 2011 9:24PM
A Busy Day
There were lots of things on my agenda today. This morning began with a Story Time Players reading at a local elementary school. We read for a couple of kindergarden classes. They were totally engrossed as we read and acted out Three Little Pigs, The Three Billy Goats Gr/… Read full post »
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