This is the evidence of my addiction. It is summer so I have bottles of water thrown in post gym. If it were winter, I would have double the amount of my fix. My daughter tried to ride in the front seat. She thinks I am selfish to keep all of these bottles in the car. I told her that I needed to send a picture so you would know what a mess I am. Sometimes, if I am desperate for a fix, I will reach for a partially filled bottle and throw the warm bubbles down my throat.
I was raised on Diet something. I never drank milk as a little girl; I remember always preferring the bubbles. We always had TAB, Sprite, and Diet Rite. I drank it for breakfast for at least 44 years. At some point, when I was thin, I drank Coke. When I was a teenager, I drank a Coke and had Stouffers frozen French Bread pizza for breakfast.
When the kids did drugs in school, I realized that black beauties did not come close to the feeling of well being that I got from my caffeinated soda habit. Speed put me to sleep. I was naturally wired. The soda calmed me down. Later, a neurologist told me that I may have ADD. There is a paradoxal effect with uppers in people with this neurological disorder. Did I just make up a word? Like Refudiate?
In college, I had liter bottles to get through the day. I would just swig these big bottles everywhere I went. I went to a very tolerant school. A boy in my writing class was in love with me. He wrote a story and said that I was like cocaine. I was. I went to the library to study because they had a vending machine and I could supply my endless need all through the night.
When I worked in New York City, I was in outside sales and I could make stops to any bodega or deli to get my fix throughout the day. In my office buildings, The newsstands at the bottom of the first floor knew me well and would specially order my drink for me. For a few years, I would only drink TAB. When the news stands had trouble supplying me, I had my lover drive in cases of TAB from a beverage distributer in Hoboken, NJ. We would sneak into to my offices on the weekend and put cases of the drug on the floor. On Mondays, my co-workers would see that a whole section of my office would look like a pallet in a supermarket.
The only time I gave it up was for my children. I quit throughout my pregnancies. On the day that each was born, I had my husband bring in a six pack to celebrate. I was not sure how much of the aspartame or caffeine leaked into breast milk but …I cut down. I had fussy babies.
You need to know that I do not want to kick this habit. I don’t care. It will hamper our vacations. Trips to Europe are very expensive. I can never do a survival trip. I hate to eat fish or bugs but that pales in comparison to living without my fix. I take a case or two camping. I don’t care if it is warm. Our weekends will be spent in pursuit of my supply. You need to know that this need will always come before my love for you. Take it or leave it.