I've spent the last few weeks telling my sister that she's not gay.

Not because I'm homophobic. Far from it. We're both bisexual and have always been pretty open about it.

She pulled me to one side when drunk out a few weeks ago. She's decided that she officially is gay… Read full post »

The shame reflex. It's kind of like the gag reflex, in that it's an automatic response that I seem to have no conscious control over.

Unlike the gag reflex, which is reasonably universal unless you've spent a lot of time and money on phallus shaped ice lollies, the shame reflex seems… Read full post »

I try not to be jaded by my experiences. I try not to be bitter. I manage quite well most of the time. But I would be a fool not to learn from my experiences, and there's no doubt that those same experiences colour how I view the world.

I try… Read full post »

I'm not one to turn a blind eye as a rule. I'm not one to shove my opinions down the throats of others either. I try to strike a balance as a rule, each to their own, everyone's entitled to their opinion and all that jazz.

If I see a crime… Read full post »

I left my parents home on February 10th, 2006. I was 16 years old. I've never really told the story of that first, terrifying year. Here goes! (I'm going to try and write this present tense. If it gets too clumsy, this may not continue!)

Tensions are building steadily at home.… Read full post »

In light of the current discussion occupying some members of OS, I would like to add my two cents. As I wrote it well enough last time, I'm going to re-post my own experiences. Here it is.

All examples of questions included in this post have in the past been… Read full post »

I've asked myself this question for years. I've been asked this question for years. Every application I've made, every survey I've filled in. "Diversity/equality monitoring" they call it. 

I always tick the box marked atheist, other or prefer not to say. A lot of the time, I don't really know wh… Read full post »

*This post contains profanity and an awful lot of out of character self pity. If this is going to offend your delicate eyes, feel free to bugger off and read something else. Cheers.* 

I woke up this morning with a bad feeling.

I've since had a very bad day.

I… Read full post »

I just wanted to write a short note to thank everyone here on OS who has been so kind to me.

I expected to find catharsis by writing about issues, past and present, but I never expected to find such a warm and caring community of people. Several people have gone… Read full post »

It's always there, you know, in the background. A sad little voice in the back of my head. There's a young version of me, always in my mind. I feel so sorry for her. 

This little girl is still scared of standing up for herself. She knows if she makes noise,… Read full post »

So much for blogging every day! I apologise, but I was boring myself and didn't think I would be entertaining others all that much.

Time for an update however.

Still going strong, no one may care to know! :). I'm now down 9 pounds, and for day 11, that's not exactly… Read full post »

I'm feeling really strange today.

Part of it will be because I had sex with my ex a few nights ago. I know, never the most genius idea in the world. He text me out of the blue, we got chatting, he ended up coming over. Hadn't actually see him in… Read full post »

I wrote a post some months ago:

http://open.salon.com/blog/blacklilly89/2011/06/17/the_night_my_childhood_ended_1

Whenever I talk about my childhood and the trauma we endured, people invariably ask this question; "is your mother still there?" People ask me if I'm angry at my mother for not leaving, a… Read full post »

 All examples of questions included in this post have in the past been asked of me.  

A victim of rape who didn't report the rape to the police will usually have the question asked of them: "Why didn't you go to the police/authorities/hospital?" This question is more often that not ask… Read full post »

I spent my life up until the age of 18 being abused and raped. First, physical and psychological abuse at the hands of my father. A victim of date rape at the age of 15. My first 'serious' relationship at the age of 16 was almost a parody of an abusive,… Read full post »

I wrote this song last year to help come to terms with what happened to a friend and I when I was 15. I've lost my singing voice but I still treasure my lyrics, so I'd like to share this with you.

Yes we were foolish,

Should have known better,… Read full post »

I was nearly 8 years old when my childhood ended. I remember because my next youngest sister had just been born. She was born in May, and I was 8 in July.

I'd known before then that something wasn't quite right in the house I grew up in, but I hadn't… Read full post »

I've heard that writing can be a form of therapy. So, I've decided to give it a go. It's easier I think, to make confessions and tell your painful stories to strangers. When you tell people who care about you the awful things that have happened, their pain is somehow much… Read full post »