Love it, Bob. Perfect. Sorry Private Eye dissed your Vegas Shakespeare.

Great post, Bob!

I'm not a brown fan. I was a huge Holy Blood Holy Grail fan and feel Brown should not have won the suit.

I love all the drawings, and am glad for the moment that they remain cartoons. Sorry Private Eye rejected Shakespeare, though.

Judging all of Catholicism by Dan Brown's mindless scribbling is rather insane. It's a novel folks, and not a particularly good one, either.

Bob, that cartoon is a brilliant rendering of what happens when a classic is "re-packaged" for mass consumption or what happens in today's world with any sort of "literary endeavor".
Brown is seemingly all about mass consumer packaging and franchising which, for the life of me, I can't seem to understand within a literary context.
Although, we have to remember that Machiavelli perhaps epitomized the notion of writer as mercenary.
I share your opinions of Brown. I find him ponderous, implausible and self-indulgent. Like an idiot I read the book and then made the further error of watching the movie of The DaVinci Code. It did underscore to me that regardless of the director, producer or actor crap is still crap.

Oh, and by the way, your stuff is NEVER crap.

I just yelled "T.S. Elliottttttttttt" out loud in my kitchen in my best Oprah imitation and giggled like an idiot. It's perfect ;)

Dan Brown is unreadable. Drek. When I'm lodged on a dock marinating in vodka and sunscreen, I'll read anything. Except Dan Brown. And Danielle Steele.

Thanks for the smile, again.

Dan Brown is a brand. Brands sell. ::sigh::

I loved your Will in Vegas act! And I do not love Dan Brown's success though I do not begrudge him.

What "Will Someone Feed the Cat?" said. You could also have Shakespeare on a plane looking at his boarding pass and the row of seats asking, "2B or not 2B?"

I've read 2 of his novels (The DaVinci Code and Digital Fortress). I find it unusual that people keep missing the fact that he is in the FICTION section of the library. Hello people? Do you know what FICTION means? If I were you Bob (and if I were, I'd be a helluva lot funnier than I am now and talented to boot) I'd tell people who ask you to defend your religion, "Why do I need to? His books are fiction, says so right in the title page."
Personally, I liked Digital Fortress.

On a personal note, I'd really like to hear Oprah yelling ee cummings. :-D

Love your stuff as always, fella, and agree with the others that Vegas Will is a winner. Private Eye needs an infusion of new editors IMHO.

I have to agree with everything Walter Blevins said, except that I only made it through about a third of the Da Vinci Code before I threw the book across the room in disgust. I was already apprehensive after having read Angels and Demons, which was also terrifically bad, but I gave it my best shot anyway. It wasn't the subject matter that bothered me, it was the writing style. At least I didn't see the movies.

Wow. They reject you fast. That hurts.

I love Shakespeare in Vegas and will figure out how to make it poster size for the office. Is it OK if I do that?

The William piece made me laugh loudly!!
I just remember Boarders sending me a spam notice about "The Da Vinci Code several years ago. They were predicting a fair amount of interest and sales.

"Holy Blood, Holy Grail was a good read....but.....wait a minute!!!! Dan did not write/re-write it.......OR DID HE?

i've always dug your work, but as a standup comic, i particularly liked 'open mic in the round'...

These comments are hysterical, thanks, guys. I'm alittle surprised I didn't hear from Dan Brown fans...my experience has been only with people who love him (okay) but that many have felt that the Jesus Christ story has been exposed (not so okay. Editor's office; "God, please sit down. About your blurb, 'Greatest Story Ever Told,' gotta say...not loving it.")

Cartouche, your idea is good (and we came close to our first collaboration) but unfortunately it was a (good) New Yorker cartoon by the cartoon editor Bob Mankoff. I think it was Shakespeare drunk looking for his hotel room (pretty funny!).

Somthing like the Jane Austen bit has of course already come true--Pride & Prejudice & Zombies.

I'm a lapsed Catholic but have no desire to read Brown's stuff. An anti-Catholic in-law of mine lapped it up, but thankfully doesn't perceive me as spokesman of the faith.

Re Oprah/Eliot: There was an episode of the old Mary Tyler Moore show where Ted Baxter, the anchorman, starts to get sensitive because people don't think he's intelligent. He comes into work one day with black frame glasses and a book and somebody asks him what he's reading. "Victor Hugo's latest."

Love your Shakespeare and agree about Dan Brown. But he's got a great niche and he's running with it.

I'm resentful of the fact that Dan Brown's complete grasp of writing fundamentals has translated into millions of copies sold. But I take small comfort in knowing his books will end up in the bargain bins of forgotten literature.

By the way, "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" is quite entertaining. Me thinks Mrs. Austen would have approved.

You know, I didn't know about the Zombie book (a friend mentioned the book but thought they were making a joke)...but looking into it I see how popular that was or is in publishing. Somehow I missed it but I'm thinking now maybe there's a cartoon idea where the publisher wants God to add Zombies to a revised Bible...not sure.

Con, your Ted Baxter story is very funny–I forgot about him (that show isn't syndicated, it's been years) but he was one of the funniest TV characters of all-time.

I love the second Shakespeare cartoon! Totally unique concept and it's funny (can I borrow it the next time I'm out on the town?)

I hear you on the Dan Brown frustrations. Coincidentally, I've run into the same problem right here on OS!

(oh no she di'ent!!)

IMHO, more books should be filed under fiction...

Dan Brown will never be great literature. I am envious of his success and, as I always do, read it all to see what all the hype was about. He writes for short attention spans, Shakespeare would not get read today (he didn't get read much in his day, due to illiteracy and scarcity of books). Dickens takes pages describing how turkey smells. He would not get read today.

I've read way too many Pulitzer Prize winners that have more girth in their pages than they do in their story. Writers that flit about showing off their skills, often expose their lack of story doing it.

Dan Brown, Rowlings (not even very original)... not great literature, but good story and/or great provocation.

And they sell a ton of books today. Which keeps publishers afloat for the literary masterpieces that don't sell as well... but may live on long past other's "lesser" works that made a lot more money.

The publication of Your/our magnum opus may depend the mega sales these books do.

Same is true in the movie industry... Again, IMHO.

Even Shakespeare had to let his hair down occasionally.

I like the Shakespeare cartoon.

I don't know that I'd call myself a Dan Brown "fan", but I found the books entertaining. Not great lit, not pro- or anti-catholicism (was raised RC), just fun to read.

My husband raved about P&P with Z, but other than a few laughts, it didn't do that much for me overall.

Keep the drawings coming!!!

Hello! Much enjoyed your "my book sold a grand total of what Dan Brown sold in 18 minutes" comment, as well as the "breathing into a paper bag" aside.

So, I checked out your link, saw that your book is ranked 118,xxx on Amazon.com -- not bad for a book that was published in 2007!

And small press, at that!

Congratulations.

I checked out my own book's ranking, and have NO IDEA what this figure means:

1,368,998

I wonder if there are any books that rank

2,xxx,xxx

or even

3,xxx,xxx

!!!!

Karin, you're well-read and loved here! I understand what you mean but everyone here is actually more read than the cover may indicate...I read and scour everywhere here and there's probably alot of people who like me don't leave comments to every piece they read because there's so much.

Thanks, Myriad, Jay, Bluesurly.

Ginseng, please comment back here with the title of your book and little blurb! To answer your questions, actually my book was by Simon & Schuster and was a big release featured in their "catalog." The problem was initially the book sold out and didn't go to reprint until a year later long after my TV and radio spots appeared (during which the book was unavailable). Now the book is available it's no longer "new." Numbers wise it goes up to 3,000,000+. But numbers don't mean alot unless they're lower than 10,000. Ideally books under 100 do well. My book peaked at 220 right before it sold out so what I'm saying is that at 180,000 or whatever it is, I need a snowman scandal!!

You're funny, Steve.

I'm not happy for Dan Brown either. But I do love your stuff. Your book is sooooooo much better.

omg, thinking along the same lines today...1 million books and a superlative marketing blitz.

I loved your cartoons. Sacred things are chewed up and spit out for mass consumption all the time. Brown is OK for a beach read, and I guess I am happy for his success, but I don't think I would use the word 'genius' for him.

What you said... only you said it far more eloquently :)

I'm not being critical but how about "To be or not to be, What's up with that?"

You left out the "Me" in your headline. He sold a million copies by today with 600,000 orders outstanding.

Sigh..........................

Hey, Bob.
Great post. The Shakespeare one up top there is my favorite.
Haven't read the new Dan Brown novel yet. It came on the mail a couple days ago, but haven't had a chance to get it.

I actually enjoy his books, but I can see how they'd be offensive to some people. What is sort of funny is how seriously everyone took the DaVinci Code, which was a work of fiction, after all. Oddly, that book really did put those ideas into the mainstream, even though they had been around for some time, most notably in Holy Blood, Holy Grail. The authors of that book sued Dan Brown over plagiarism, I believe, but didn't win the case.

Lisa–Thanks for correcting...I wrote the title "...Super Genius Dan Brown" and it was too long and cut off part. I see now it left out more than I realized!

thanks Lulu, Delia, Ocularnervosa, Iwoman'svu, IamSurly!

Bud, they lost that case but truth is is that case made Holy Whatnot a lot of money by putting it back on the radar.

What do I know about books and what's good or bad? But I have had to bite my tongue a couple of timea when asked what I thought of the Bible now. No matter how religious I am that's REALLY rude.

I can't stand Brown's books. They're horribly written (repetitive), unoriginal, and the plots are just plain idiotic. Your cartoons are none of this, which is why I love them.

I liked "Melville gets an agent" the best, Bob --not that I expect that's very helpful to you, but I really like it. It's clever and really sums up the current state of things. Oprah's was my next fav. If it were just a teensy bit less mean -spirited sounding. Besides, isn't Cullen's Columbine going to be on her list? I thought I read that, somewhere. Hang in there!

I like the first version of the Shakespeare cartoon, personally. And while I am being your faithful critic, I think it is very effective having the four different cartoons together. It definitely makes the point.

As for Dan Brown, I read the DaVinci Code and enjoyed it in the way I enjoy mystery novels that don't demand a lot of me. I was really shocked when people started citing it as evidence of lurid Catholic conspiracies. I should not have been, of course, as most people seem to have no idea any more what constitutes a Fact.

If anyone wants to read a highly crafted, knowledgeable work of historical fiction, try Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose.

Dan Brown: living breathing proof there is no justice. Love the Shakespeare open mic. And the Van Damme/Austen- did you know there is actually a book out called Pride & Prejuidice & Zombies? Hm. Congrats about dscriber!

"I read and scour everywhere here and there's probably alot of people who like me don't leave comments to every piece they read because there's so much."

That's me, Bob. I'm always the late one to class and the chairs are all filled up. Gotta quit this job, 'cause it's sucking up my OS time! Anyway... love your work, as always.

"Moby Dick Deux".. priceless. Thanks for that Bob.

I tried to read Angels and Demons. Then I realized I was reading a 500 page book about a plot to blow up the Vatican with antimatter.

ah, poor shakespeare vegas suffers the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. 'tis not deserved, good fellow, 'tis not deserved.

Typical Brits they just don't Yankee humor.

I agree with you on the religion thing. The people who approved on which gospels to use did so to avoid the sensational and fantastical writings of the other gospels. Something Brown exploited to the hilt.
Rated

Hey Bob, I think I've probably mentioned this before, but when Random House first published Moby Dick as part of its Classic Library series the illustrator, Rockwell Kent, was so famous they forgot to put Melville's name on the cover. Here's a picture of that now very valuable first edition.

A low point in literature, but a high point in illustration.

I love your humor. I've never read any of Dan Brown's books and I refuse to. He's not the kind of writer I like. (You know, the well-known kind. God, I'm a literary snob. Sigh.)

I am a big fan of anything that mocks Dan Brown & if you'll pardon my french, the Oprah toon is awesome!

I'm probably the only person who's never read a Dan Brown book, but I'm happy any time a writer makes good. It gives hope to the rest of us. You, sir, are consistently funny. That humor publication in England is missing out big time.

Spot on and funny as always, Bob. :-)

I choked my way through the first Dan Brown novel just to see what all the fuss was about. Also have a relative who totally thinks the conspiracy theory is totally responsible and I just have to change the subject. Ugh - low points in literature indeed! All of your work here made me smile - particularly Oprah hollering "TS Eliottt!"

I like your cartoon, in particular the Oprah and Shakespeare riffs.

I've been thinking lately about this topic--the idea of commercially successful writers being dissed by the literati (that would be us, I guess)--and I've come to rethink my position. As an English major, I was inculcated with the notions of literary purity, Great Literature's benefits to the soul and society, blah, blah, blah, and suckered into believing that anything that the masses like isn't Good. And I'm not even talking about how horrid the prospect of majoring in journalism was! Gads, we were just scathing in our contempt for those sellouts. Well, 25 years later I have a bit of perspective, and all of a sudden I think people like Jodi Picoult, a Princeton and Harvard grad, are on to something. Here's the main point I want to make: Just because someone has figured out what the masses want doesn't mean that they aren't capable of doing better things. I don't mean to pick on anybody who's criticizing Dan Brown (whose latest book I have not read, but whose first few enthralled me in that way that a temporary thrill ride does. They didn't stay with me in the way that Leif Engle's or Philip Roth's books do, but so what?); I am just tired of this particular bandwagon. Perhaps I am old enough to want more financial success of my own. sigh.

to: Bill S...Wouldn't Oprah whisper "ee cummings"?

Oprah, Dan Brown, pop culture? What's up with that? Lowest common denominator or just plain mass stupidity? Anyway, thanks for the laughs! TS, you go guy!

You really have a knack for finding delicious incongruity.

Okay...getting idea for novel here...mad scientist manages to resurrect Shakesphere in zombified form. Zombie Shakesphere then proceeds to stalk current pop fiction authors one by one. Whilte zombie Shakesphere eats their entrails they're still alive and he lectures them on literary technique as they scream in pain...Chapter 1: Dan Brown, Chapter 2: John Grisham, etc.

...and to add to your original batch of cartoons, if you're willing to do self-deprecation, "J.D. Salinger comes out of exile to do comic-book version of Catcher in the Rye"...

... or Dostoyevsky teams with Nancy Grace for sequel to Crime and Punishment...

Wait, someone said "how can you now defend your religion?" "Do you feel foolish, now?" about The Davinci Code? So, did you then laugh until you choked? or did you laugh until you passed out?

You gotta hand it to Dan Brown. He is making a killing in spite of the fact that he is one of the worst writers ever. Ever. But boy, I wish I had his juju.

I read very few "commercial" authors-- (I hate reading when the edit pencil is working overtime inside my head)---so I don't have much to compare the dude to, but, really, his writing is amateurish and ---well, unreadable.

But, I guess you've already said that---so I'm back to wishing I had his juju.

Private Eye... as in the ejaculatory orafice of the penis or the free end of the urethra. The Shakey piece is very funny. L'dMAO. Reminds me of my best friend's comical line art and humor. I love the stage gradient in faded gray and the soft spotlight effect. The theater shoes! Willie looks like Jackie Mason, with a waxed moustache, standing in classical British attire.

Dan Brown?
James Brown?
James Brown lyrics!
`
He sings:`Hi honey,
please take my hand.
3- X's.
James Brown sang:`
Once in my life I have someone to love me. For once in my life I have someone who believes on me. For once in my life I will not let sorrow hurt me.
As long as I life:`
someone needs me,
one who loves, believes,
and chose to believe in me:`
For once in my Life sorrow:`
?
a song by James Brown sing:`
O baby, honey, please! 3-X's!
sorrows will no longer hurts!
for once in my Life I love someone who believes, needs, and loves ...
this song by James Brown may be "off-topic" and so- ? - yikes yippee!
I love the lyrics:`
someone needs,
loves, believes,
and sip a brew?
James Brown begins the song with:`For once in my Life I can say:`I love you so (3X's).
I love you so (3X's).
Please take my hand?
I remembered the song.
I'll read ref:`Dan Brown.
I'll read ref:`Dang boogie.
I'll sleep like thee barn cat.
I'll listen to the barn insects.
I love cartoons that stimulate.
I mean:`Set a Mind at calm rest.

I just cannot read his books. I mean, the writing is ... well ... okay, it's just awful. But yeah, they are FICTION. I've found myself saying that to a lot of people. Not real, people. Fiction.

TS Eliot...hysterical! I'd stick around and comment more but I need to rush out and buy Dan's book.

Most bestsellers these days are of the fast food variety Bob. In the fiction category for sure. And, once the first book to movie blockbuster, they put it into hyper-drive. Yeah, YOU Thomas Harris!

Rated

Dan Brown's books read like almost-a-screenplay to me. Too much action, not something I can sink into. However, as a lapsed Catholic, I have to admit I enjoy his digs at the pomposity I experienced as a child.

Loved the cartoons. I always look forward to your posts!

Art James' post made me tear up. Don't know why . . .

LOL. And let us not forget "Demi Moore reimagines "The Scarlet Letter." I still wonder how many high school students relied on the movie for their book reports and had Hester Prynne saying to Roger Chillingworth, "You bastard!"

I've been away at weddings and family functions...but want to first wish my Jewish friends here Happy New Year.

Thanks for all the comments and different perspectives (and the cartoon feedback is welcome and helpful–I reworked the cartoons as these were just sketches. I continue to improve, I think, from again what I consider my writing group. Thanks.).

I'd like to share that I don't have much of an argument against Dan Brown's writing per se as I should have mentioned I don't know a rat's ass about good writing–I only know what I like. My problem I have is with ANYONE enjoying that level of success instead of me. It's part of my splendor. That said, I believe I have a right, as a failure on a couple of levels, to enjoy one of the few perks of being in this position which is to knock down those in front of me and to fling mud recklessly around at those around me whether they deserve it or not. It's more about jealously, envy and a general bitterness. And I've made peace with that. If I had his success then I would be burdened with validating my success to idiots like me.

Secondly, I think I'm really the only person here on Open Salon who made a big deal over it so it is misleading to say on other blogs this is a topic here. It isn't. It's pebble in MY shoe. And I want COMMERCIAL success. So the argument for me again isn't about that he's sucks, it's about random angst toward those better off. (that may not have come off well)

It didn't help that the religious aspect really did happen and his books put me in awkward situations with morons.

Special thanks to the really cool poem by Art James.

Now if you excuse me I have to write a short story about a diabetic schnauzer.

I'm joking. I kid. Lighten up.

Is it true that Dan Brown owns a whole fleet of the new Lexus HS Hybrid? I hear there's some problem with condensation on the windshield.

Thanks for coming clean, Bob. It's always sporting when someone admits to their own shortcomings. Personally I carry tremendous angst over people who are superior to me. Taller, better looking, more hair, more wit... they all annoy me no end. Like several people here, I was going to point out that Dan Brown's work is pure fiction. Digital Fortress I found gripping and I enjoyed Davinci Code until I realized that people were mistaking it for fact. How sad. Oh well... if everyone was perfect, like me, this would be a dull planet.

Shakespeare dumbed down to the lowest common denominator is priceless. He never would have done it which makes it... umm... fiction. Right?

Nice work, all around. I really enjoyed it. Thanks.
Chris.

If Michael Jackson had know about Dan Brown, he'd still be alive today. At least that's my experience of Dan Brown's writing. I fell asleep reading the Da Vinci Code, I fell asleep watching the Da Vinci Code movie, and I also fell asleep listening to the Da Vinci Code cv. Of course, the bad news is that my family bought all that stuff.

A note on the Da Vinci Code and Catholicism. I'm an atheism who has a Catholic wife and Catholic in-laws right down the street. What weirds me out is that all of my Catholic relatives, including one who works full-time for the arch-diocese of Minneapolis, agree that Brown is right in portraying Catholicism as a 2,000 year conspiracy against women. Why would they still be active Catholics then? And yes, my daughter is taking confirmation classes now.

Somebody must have slipped me an anti-editing drug. This is more like it.

"If Michael Jackson had know about Dan Brown, he'd still be alive today. At least that's my experience of Dan Brown's writing. I fell asleep reading the Da Vinci Code, I fell asleep watching the Da Vinci Code movie, and I also fell asleep listening to the Da Vinci Code CD. Of course, the bad news is that my family bought all that stuff.

A note on the Da Vinci Code and Catholicism. I'm an atheist who has a Catholic wife and Catholic in-laws right down the street. What weirds me out is that all of my Catholic relatives, including one who works full-time for the arch-diocese of Minneapolis, agree that Brown is right in portraying Catholicism as a 2,000 year conspiracy against women. Why would they still be active Catholics then? And yes, my daughter is taking confirmation classes

Brilliant analysis, brilliant cartoons, and as proof, you've inspired brilliant commentary. (Not from me, but from my fellow commenters.)

Dan Brown: the My Little Pony of the Apocalypse.

I liked Brown's first novel that got him famous...I've noticed that...writers who write a great first book, get huge contracts and then you read their subsequent books and feel like you're reading someone completely different. Your cartoons once again are brilliant and congrats for the describer piece!

Love your work!

I think they're all great, but I especially like the redo on the Shakespeare cartoon. Interesting insight on how you work and how something can go from simply amusing to very, very funny with just a little tweak. Also saw your Verizon cartoon in dscriber. Great! Are you still submitting (or have you ever) to the NYorker? They're dopes if they don't take your stuff.

Thanks!

Dear Dcv; Yes, I submit to the New Yorker and do that "thing" where I go in each week and see them. It's the center of my workload and week and they have bought cartoons. Unfortunately I don't get a chance to share those cartoons here.

Love your work--all of it. I am a Catholic/Christian and am floored as to how fellow Christians, felt it was blasphemous to see it. It's fiction obviously. It shows how shakey people's faith is, if they would get that upset about it. As far as Dan Brown though I think of him in the same category as that ostentatious Thomas Kinkade in the visual arts, who smeared his cheap hotel impressionist knock off images on every available surface he could think of. Taste and popularlity rarely go hand-in-hand.

Elected officials who can't govern, best-selling authors who can't write, a health care system that makes people sicker...does anyone see a pettern here??
MAS

OOPS...sorry for the typo..I meant, "Does anyone see a PATTERN here?" (If I didn't make the correction people might think Dan Brown wrote the comment!!)