When you have kids you have literally millions of cherished memories. When those kids grow up they sometimes find a way to weasel into your mind when you least expect it. They can range from joy to despair in nature and many of them still have the power to overtake our hearts and minds when they do come.
I guess that it is rain that triggers this stuff for me many times and as we sat inside and waited for the remnants of Isaac to pass, my mind had a chance to wander off to those long past days. In this particular case I think it may have been a bit of visual stimulation as well.
We were watching a movie as the rain pounded down and I looked over to see my son lying on the couch with his nine year old daughter, her eyes closed and arms wrapped around him that did it.
I thought of our youngest and it hit me that two things had happened, the first was that it was possible for a thought to be true and the other was a sadness that it was true.
We had gone to y brothers home for a small gathering of friends and as always, there was copious drink and music, along with the children of the people who came to enjoy the evening.
Since there were kids also present things were going to wind up early so they could go to bed at home but my youngest, who was eight at the time, was already tired and grumpy. I went to the living room where there were movies playing to entertain the kids and found a chair. I sat down and motioned for her to come sit on my lap so I could maybe make her feel a little better and calm her down.
She climbed up on my lap and wrapped her arms around me, in moments she was asleep, with that same look as my grand daughter had as she slept on her fathers lap. It struck me out of the blue that this could be the last time that she would ever do this, find so much safety in my arms that she could abandon the emotions and activity of the day and fall asleep in her daddy's lap.
It brought tears to my eyes then and now. I looked at the completely calm and relaxed face and worried about the years to come. I wondered if she would be happy, successful or would she have to suffer like me with the conflict of love for family and the desire to find a path in the world on her own.
She never did it gain you know, it was the last time she ever crawled into my lap and drifted off to sleep. I thought to myself that it would stay with me always and it has.