Shouts And Mallomars

Bonnie Bernstein

bonnie bernstein

bonnie bernstein
New York, New York,
November 02
Starving Writer
Quirky, Edgy Authoress, Phanatically Baseball Lite. Writing the great American smutty memoir. Bonnie's words can be found in places like TheFix, YourTango, Modern Love Rejects, Salon, Petside, Babble, Perils of Divorced Pauline, Newsday and NYResident. Lisa Belkin wrote about Bonnie in Motherlode and Anderson Cooper interviewed her. Follow Bonnie on Twitter: bonnieb_writer


FEBRUARY 25, 2015 8:29PM

Thank You For Obamacare

After being without medical insurance for six years, three of those years fighting an unsuccessful battle for Medicaid (but always being offered birth control), with much pessimism I applied for Obamacare (aka the Affordable Care Act). I knew something was wrong when both legs buckled and I fell to tRead full post »

OCTOBER 24, 2014 11:05PM

I Have Parkinson's Disease

Please no sorries, just give me your dopamine.


 First you cry, then you gulp down a valium, and then you say fuck you to the Parkinson’s Disease you’ve been handed. And then you keep crying at any moment. Cooking, driving and food shopping, and when you’re trying to deciRead full post »

Another blog on the Times of Israel. This one about being a nervous mother who seeks the help of her dead mother to protect her son.

 Please read, react, share. Thanks in advance.   Read full post »

AUGUST 18, 2014 1:09PM

My Dog Almost Died Today

My dog, a chihuahua mix rescued from pre Hurricane Sandy Coney Island seven years ago, almost died this morning. Ferrell is his name, and, as a divorced mother in my early 50's living in a small upstate New York town, he is the love of my life next to my son… Read full post »

I just wrote a blog for the Times of Israel, and I would appreciate it if you could read, respond, share. Thanks.


  Read full post »


Update: got my dog through Lyme disease. Now she has a hematoma on her left ear. She needs surgery this week. She needs your help. Please.

My dog needs your help. Please. If you can contribute, please go to above mentioned site. Thank you. 

 My bRead full post »

JUNE 14, 2014 10:33PM

Happy Father's Day, Paul McCartney

When I saw Paul McCartney being driven into Citifield’s parking lot, it was a 45 year dream come true of seeing the Beatle who I didn’t want to marry, or have an affair with but who I came to see as the father I never had who I so wanted. ThatRead full post »

APRIL 11, 2014 10:16PM

Obamacare -- Having My Say

After being without medical insurance for six years, three of those years fighting an unsuccessful battle for Medicaid (but always being offered birth control), with much pessimism I applied for Obamacare (aka the Affordable Care Act). I, a divorced baby boomer mother, was so beaten down by emergencyRead full post »

A Facebook friend accused me of panhandling because I kept reposting my plea seeking financial help for my sick dog. Upset at the accusation from a man I had an interest in, I couldn’t stop staring at his words. The paragraph became a humiliating mess in front of me forRead full post »

DECEMBER 1, 2013 11:06PM

The Life Of My Love, My Dog/Update


photo-1.JPG Update…

Ferrell still needs medical care, and here is another plea for the life of my love, my dog.

My dog had a seizure, and his heart stopped for a couple of seconds. It happened, tonight, as we were preparing to leave the Kingston Emergency AnimalRead full post »

NOVEMBER 20, 2013 9:33PM

A Plea For The Love Of My Life, My Dog


 December 25 update. Ferrell at doggie Er for the night. His calcium levels are dangerously low. He needs a miracle. And I need a miracle. My boy. And thank you everyone. 




A plea for your help...

I never write dog stories. I’m busy penning bitRead full post »

DECEMBER 22, 2012 7:01PM

I Sold Bullets For Walmart


I sold ammo for Walmart, all along thinking “Bonnie, it’s just a paycheck.”   I’m such a pathetic liar.  But I needed that piece of paper to survive past due to paster due.  As a forty something divorced mother with a college education and a thin res… Read full post »

I am a liberal Democrat.  ProChoice.  ProMarriageEquality.  Against the death penalty, nuclear power plants and fracking.  I am voting for Mitt Romney.  There.  I just admitted what I’ve been grappling with for over four years.  How a New York City Jewish moth… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 10, 2012 10:23PM

Eating Ice Cream On 9/11

The World Trade Center was burning and I was eating ice cream, the chocolate kind with a cherry on top.  I couldn’t watch CNN report an airplane splitting a building in half and people jumping out windows from towering infernos to their deaths, so I took the dog out for aRead full post »

 Which man, with salt and pepper hair, is the one for this writer?

Whenever President Obama comes to New York City, mylove life becomes more of what it usually is, a fantasy. I guess it's really not a part of his ag… Read full post »

JULY 27, 2012 11:27AM

Remembering The 1972 Olympics

The 2012 Summer Olympics are beginning in London, England.  The Olympic Committee won’t remember the 11 Israeli athletes who were murdered in Munich forty years ago.  But I will, and I hope you will, too.  

As a quiet, little New York City Jewish girl visi… Read full post »
This Bonnie Bernstein (the one who pens confessional essays -- not the one from ESPN) is featured on Pauline Gaines blog.  It was great/
Read full post »

When you got your period did your mother throw you a party?  

When your daughter got her period did you throw her a party?  

When I got my period, my mother took me to the gynecologist -- when I was not quite yet nine...


 Read full post »

 ***Originally Posted As To Be Licked Or Not To Be Licked -- This Is My SEO Experiment***

It happened to me, at a junior high school reunion.  Pauly mentioned “when pretty women meet me they always move away.”  I guess I, a divorced forty something woman forever lookinRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 20, 2011 1:38PM

Little Drummer Girl In The Cemetery

I never understood why when I was growing up we didn’t hang Christmas lights outside our home.  It wasn’t like we were the only Jews not doing it.  There were plenty of us.  When I was six years old, my mother married a Lutheran man who was the superintendent of aRead full post »

Hurricane Irene, August 28, 2011, South Salem, NY
Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 16, 2011 9:36PM

Modern Love - The Vegetarian and the Deer Hunters

The Vegetarian and the Deer Hunters, orginally, appeared on  Hunting season will be starting soon up in these areas.  I, a vegetarian, forgot "Trucks" had steak and ketchup breath when we kissed.  How could I answer to Bambi?  What would you have done?

 Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 28, 2011 9:57AM

I'm A Freaky Chocolate Eater

Chocoholic update:  This writer wins the stupid award for driving through downed trees she never saw during nature's horror show to get some chocolate.  



The Washington Post recently proclaimed, “Chocolate protects the heart.” It read, as I always hoped it would, tRead full post »

The swans, geese and ducks were squawking over by the pond.  As the hawks were yelling about how they wanted my 15 year old wheaten terrier, Milo, to come on over for breakfast, I walked outside with my three other dogs, the chihuahua, the beagle, the llasa cocker mix and a/Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MAY 25, 2011 3:13AM

I Snuck Someone Into West Point

I advertently snuck someone onto the grounds of West Point past security.  I didn’t mean it.   As a tour guide at the United States Military Academy, after 911, I should’ve known better.  The woman could’ve been a terrorist.  Unless there was a specific reason to… Read full post »