The last time I wrote I was still living in Gaza City, debating whether to stay or return to the States. Ultimately, I decided it was time to return to my “other home” – for my two daughters (the youngest of whom was graduating from high school), my health (the lack of vigorous exercise was beginning to take its toll) and my future (it was time to finalize my divorce).  It was sad…but it also felt like it was time to go. And I knew I’d be back in any case. Palestine is in my blood. (Go here to watch a Press TV interview about my experiences there.)

I arrived back in the States on May 30, just a few days before the Israeli attack on the Mavi Marmara and the other seven boats in the Freedom Flotilla. While I was still in Gaza, everyone was almost entirely focused on the coming ships, and one of my most common “poll questions” was whether my friends, neighbors and people on the street thought the ships would eventually break through the blockade (like the first two ships to make the run, in 2008) or be turned back and forced to dock elsewhere (as were all the rest).  The vote seemed to be about equally split…but no one predicted the slaughter that would occur aboard the Turkish ship. My friends reported a mass sadness and anger draping the Strip, with demonstration after demonstration staged by both the communities’ youth and the Hamas government.  

The Mavi Marmara docked in Turkey 

[The deaths of the 9 Mavi Marmara passengers were not in vain. As Aziz Dweik, a leading Hamas lawmaker in the West Bank, told the Wall Street Journal:  "The…flotilla has done more for Gaza than 10,000 rockets."  It is a sad fact – but reality it is – that it took the deaths of non-Palestinians to achieve what is perhaps the most significant advance in the anti-blockade movement.  If blood had not been shed, I highly doubt the Freedom Flotilla would have had the tremendously galvanizing effect it did. And now, the Free Gaza Movement is at a critical crossroads: The last two boats since the Mavi Marmara tragedy – the Irish Rachel Corrie and the Libyan Amal Thea – have avoided the tragic violence of the Turkish IHH ship, but also achieved no real impact as they meekly turned around and sailed back to shore upon the first Israeli threat.  The result is declining media interest and a perpetuation of the Gazans’ dependence on handouts, as the Israelis “magnanimously” offer to deliver the ships’ aid themselves. So, although there already are many plans underway to send more ships in the fall, we need a new strategy..something in between the risk of being murdered (or murdering in self defense) and turning around with our tail between our legs..Any ideas?]

Feeling guilty for not having stayed behind with my friends -- who felt more than ever like they were in a prison  -- or at least on the Mavi Marmara, I set out on a three-week speaking tour across the United States. I had heard about the tour while still in Gaza, through the emails of a fellow Peace Action volunteer who also is an Iraq War veteran and now a conscientious objector.  Josh Stieber had served in Iraq with the Marines in 2007-8, with the same battalion that was caught on videotape shooting more than a dozen people from the cocoon-like safety of an Apache helicopter.  The video clearly shows the unprovoked slaying of a wounded Reuters employee and his would-be rescuers, while the soldiers inside make cracks like, “Look at those dead bastards.” “Nice.” Two young children involved in the attempted rescue were also seriously wounded.

Josh, Conor Curran (another Iraq war vet who joined with Josh to start the “Contagious Love Experiment”) and Salam Hassan (an Iraqi refugee) were planning to tour around the country to talk to ordinary, grassroots Americans about the human consequences of our foreign policy.

Salam, doing what he enjoyed most -- smoking shisha. 

They were hoping to be joined by a group of Afghan youth, and I immediately seized on the idea of adding Gazans to the mix. After all, U.S. troops may not be stationed there, but they might as well be. The U.S. sends $7 million in military assistance every day to Israel.  Much of the munitions used by the Israeli army in its invasion of Gaza in December of 2008 were American made. However, I quickly ran into the same brick wall facing the Afghan youth: the U.S. State Department.  The U.S. government is hyper paranoid about foreign visitors trying to stay permanently in our country – so much so that the head of the Israel/Palestine Desk at the State Department told me bluntly that the chance of youth from Gaza getting a visa were “nil.” Better, he said, for them to wait until they are in their 40s, are married and have children – and then leave them behind (as “ransom” so to speak –proof that they will return).  Ok, so I can understand the concern, although very few Gazans I talked to want to leave their homeland permanently. They just want to see the world, study abroad and share their insights, rather than relying on others all the time to be their mouthpiece. But..it’s also so shortsighted! Without regular cultural exchange and dialogue, how can we hope for peace? And….the desire for freedom and personal development is so strong, it cannot be squelched. Keep the official “lid” on, and other, illegal, ways will be found – with often disastrous consequences.

What is even more discriminatory, however, is that most Palestinians in Gaza don’t even have the opportunity to interview for a U.S. visa. That is because the United States is one of only two countries (along with the Czech Republic) that require an in-person visa interview. And Gazans cannot leave the Strip without the permission of Israel or Egypt – permission that is typically not given (even now, with all the vaunted talk of loosening the restrictions on goods and movement).

After trying fruitlessly to get my best friends Mohammed and Majed out of Gaza for visa interviews, in the vain hope that they could then join me on the tour, I was forced to give up.

 
Mohammed (left) and Majed

Instead, I “settled” for two girls – Salma (13, who has the good fortune to have a U.S. passport through her father) and Laila (12, who is already out of Gaza – she moved to Cairo three years ago with her father, a Fatah commander who fled to Egypt during the civil war). I knew they were not the ideal representatives of Gaza, because of their young age and the privileged backgrounds from which they came (wealthy families despite the circumstances). But they could, I hoped, speak for their people, while also shattering the stereotypes Westerners often have of Palestinians – especially those from Gaza (they are both very confident and assertive, and do not wear the hijab).

Salma (left) and Laila trying on cowboy hats in Pendleton, WA. 

I am back from the tour now…I joined the guys in Washington DC, and the girls hooked up with us in New York City. Over the next two and a half weeks, we drove cross-country, ending up in Olympia, Washington. We spoke in churches, restaurants, community centers – even a public park. The audiences ranged from five or six to 50 or more. Most were what you might call “the choir” (progressive), but their main issues were withdrawal from Iraq and Afghanistan – so for me, it was an opportunity to motivate the anti-war crowd to “connect the dots” and include the occupation of Palestine on their agendas. (Visit here for one person's impression of our tour -- we made a difference for her!)

I would be lying if I said it was all fun. Picture riding in an un-air-conditioned van – often for 8 hours at a stretch, days in a row – with two adolescents in the back seat who, as it turned out, were used to getting their own way, pretty much all the time. “Going with the flow” was a foreign concept to them – and one they frankly refused to even try.

Now let me switch sides for a minute: Most of the tour’s itinerary had been set up by two adults who had never had children; kid-friendly it was not. Yes, the girls signed on to participate in a speaking tour, but they also wanted to do some things that normal kids would do on what was – for them -- a very rare vacation! (The only real free time for fun was the five days at the end, where we were entertained in the beautiful Puget Sound area, in part by Cindy and Craig Corrie, Rachel’s parents.)

Cindy and Craig Corrie (and another friend) in silhouette as the sun sets. 

Many of our hosts along the way were a bit taken aback by the girls’ demands for time to go shopping, watch their favorite soccer (football) matches, etc. when we had other activities scheduled. Particularly because they were from Gaza. But…Gazan kids are just kids too. They are not models of virtue just because they come from a deprived area..with their sole purpose to be thankful for every scrap we give them. Salma and Laila are 13 years old. My oldest daughter was a terror at that age!

Whichever point of view you want to take, the tour was interesting, challenging, monotonous, stressful and enriching – all at once!

Now I am home…back where I started in December 2009, but this time feeling like a new and different person. I have moved into a tiny, but cozy apartment in downtown Washington DC rented from the founder of CODEPINK, so the décor is a patchwork of pink, orange, blue and green..with the emphasis on pink.

 
I live on the bottom floor

I am continuing my advocacy for the Palestinian people by protesting, speaking up at government briefings and working with the Fellowship of Reconciliation to establish an online “dialogue portal” connecting youth around the world. I have serendipitously encounterd a true kindred spirit whose specialty is finding the right grants to fund projects in the developing world…and who may help me fulfill my hope of funneling money to the many hardworking, indigenous NGOs in Gaza, who usually are forced to play poor stepsister to the large international organizations (like World Vision and Oxfam), who mean well but don’t build local capacity. And I am looking for a paying job that will keep me close to my daughters, but still allow me to feel like I am truly contributing to the common good.

Then there is that wanderlust…the call of Gaza that is still ringing in my ears like the sound of the sea in a conch shell…and, starting to build, the desire to learn more about other, distant corners of the world….like…Africa.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain