The wealth of choices available to the American consumer is something to behold, is it not? And let me tell you something. Those choices expand exponentially seemingly over night. If one has been away for awhile, the resultant effect on the mind is boggling. Take my recent shopping expedition to purchase some conditioner for my hair.
I am fairly fixated on my hair. Everybody who knows me knows that. I will chat with you about my hair as long as you care to chat about my hair. Since I have not taken the opportunity to chat with y'all here on Open Salon about my hair, here is the situation as it currently stands in a nutshell. I have fine, wispy Scandinavian hair, and Mexico is brutal on it. The hard water. The wind. That high altitude sun especially. And other things that are beyond the scope of this treatise.
This is the evolutionary reason, by the way, that most Mexicans have that beautiful, thick, coal black hair. Except for those of pure Spanish descent. But they are the wealthy ones who are never out in it except in their Mercedes. You could work over the average Mexican lady's long, black hair with a hammer, and it would still be beautiful after a rinse in the rain barrel. After a day out in it, however, mine looks like it has been worked over with a hammer.
So on my current sojourn to the United States of America, I determined to undertake repairs. Mother runs a water softener here on the farm. I went shopping for the precisely correct conditioner. Since I am partial to Pantene® shampoo when I am up here, I started by browsing Pantene® conditioners in a large white box store that shall go unnamed. I was stunned.
First, I worked my way through the conditioners that appeared to be designed for hair with color in it. There was Color Preserve Shine; Color Preserve Smooth; or Color Preserve Volume. I have not added color to my hair. Not that I am against that at all. I have just not looked into it yet. But anyway, I did not want to miss a trick. I read up on these labels.
Then I encountered Pantene® Aqua-Light Conditioner specifically designed to work with their Aqua -Light shampoo. However, I have never used anything light. Not light food. Not light beer in my alcohol days—or Lite beer, if you will. Nothing light or lite works for me for reasons that are beyond the scope of this treatise. Then I took a look at the stuff beside it mysteriously labeled Ice Shine, which allegedly provides shine without weight. But I am not necessarily interested in shine, and perhaps I need a little weight if only I knew what they mean by the term “weight.” Is “weight” the same thing as “volume?”
I was able quickly to eliminate the variations of conditioners designed for medium to thick hair—Breakage to Strength; Dry to Moisturized; Flat to Volume; or Frizzy to Smooth—and the curly hair series—Curls to Straight or Dry to Moisturized. Also, I passed up the one conditioner for women of color. Apparently, they only require a passage from dry to moisturized. Then again, maybe I am missing a trick there.
I was trying to make up my mind about which of the Fine Hair Solutions to go with—Dry to Moisturized; Flat to Volume; or Fragile to Strong—when I was distracted by that series on the next shelf in the distinctive, very feminine appearing containers, Restore Beautiful Lengths. You see, Restore Beautiful Lengths is a series specifically designed for long hair—Breakage Defense; Frizz Control; or Shine Enhance. The very feminine looking containers do not bother me and in fact are quite understandable because the fashion for men nowadays seems to be to buzz cut their hair. So it is mostly women with long hair with the exception of a few left over male freak flag fans. And only a few of us have wispy Scandinavian hair.
But then they have the Nature Fusion series—Moisture Balance or Smooth Vitality—which is an attractive concept to me because of the nature thing. I mean, consider this:
Pantene®’s advanced conditioner with Cassia helps your hair achieve its natural moisture balance. With a botanical blend [emphasis added], this conditioner insulates strands to help keep moisture in and protect hair against damage. With ginger, calendula and aloe vera, this conditioner leaves your hair soft to the touch and reveals your natural radiance.
Cassia? Calendula? Those ingredients must have something to do with nature. Perhaps they are the keys. I don't know. And do I even have any concealed natural radiance left? I don't know that either.
I purchased a small container of Pantene® Pro-V Classic Care Solutions Classic Care Conditioner, apparently the general all-purpose product, to hold me and returned home determined to do some more research on the internet. What did I find? I found that American consumers have given the lowest rating of all of these conditioners to Pantene® Pro-V Classic Care Solutions Classic Care Conditioner, the stuff that I bought. Only two and half stars out of a possible five.
So I am frustrated and pissed off right now.
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Rennis
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Comments
I use the Creme de Cacao.
I dont care what consumers think either hahah
First error is washing your hair too often. That removes from both your hair and your scalp your own natural oils. Those oils are mad by your body in the perfect "formula" for YOUR hair. You can't get better than that!
Wash your hair once a week at most. Once every two weeks is even better.
Next. take a lesson from the long-haired women of yester-year who didn't have all these "conditioners"; in fact had no conditioners at all and used things like egg white and beer (not terribly successfully, I might add).
Brush your hair in long strokes, from the scalp out. 100 strokes minimum every two or three days. Your brush should be a natural bristle brush not a plastic bristle one. That will spread your natural scalp oils throughout your hair.
You'd just shit, if I told you how I "care" for my hair. I have a full head of fine wispy hair too. I've had it for 70 years. My father was bald by 39 years of age. He washed his hair every day. I wash mine once a month. When it gets too long, I buzz cut it myself - about every two months. When I do wash it I use dish-washing liquid soap. No expensive shampoo or conditioner. Then I brush it for about 10 minutes - it's short. It doesn't take long to spread my scalp oils. It shines nicely after that brushing and feels healthy and good.
Best to ya!
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Products made for black people may not work for you. White people's hair is round; black people's hair is oval - almost flat. Products made for them are made for that specific type of hair. Found that out during my 23 year marriage to a woman from the Caribbean.
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I gave up on my hair YEARS ago, an embarrassingly long time after it had given up on me. I buzz it now. That saves me the shame of using a conditioner with caligula in it, or whatever.
Lezlie
I have hair down to my waist that is naturally fine, but looks healthy. It needs to be at the middle of my back, but I've been busy lately and it's always in a bun anyway. OH! that is another thing. Invest in scrunchies- you might get teased, but not having it in everything really helps it's health.
Also, this sounds left field, but if you like jello (I'm a jello freak, since I can't have candy, and I make the sugar free stuff dense like a gummi worm) that seems to help with both my hair and nails. Couple of boxes of jello a week and I'm just a dead skin cell factory.
Damn the climate...
"Press send FRed(tm) no one cares about your beard,use your paw Boy."
I ignored Sky and look what happened to me.
Bugger, you can't add photos on this infidel site.
Anyway, I'm bald on top and am currently trying the New Thames Estuary Seagull shite formula.
They're really accurate - just polish the car and stand nearby with polished scalp.
"Oh yes, leave the cat inside the car with the radio on."
Good luck with that SteveDos. Funny post.
Funny piece, tho.
Got me to musing. Eskimos got that thick black hair, also northern Indians (of the North American persuasion). I guess cuz they're relatively recent immigrants to the north (tho the explanation for the Oriental eyes is adaptation to the cold....), as compared to Scands who spent enough time in the cold & dark to lose their color and develop, for whatever reason, that wispy hair. Which is hardly even helpful in keeping one's head warm.
Evolutionary explanation for short broad Eskimos and short Orientals in general is conservation of body heat. Whereas the Scands developed into scrawny long-boned lanky people, such as yourself - the better to lose body heat?
Enough to make one lose faith in the evolution theory and go for the God-created-us theory....and God is obviously insane, so it all works out...
You tell a wonderful tale here, I am sure we all relate to your adventure.
rated with love
Write to me of your toothpaste, my friend!
(By the way, I have that Pantene Ice Shine stuff in my shower but I consumer-chose it because I liked the idea of ice in the shower!)
The thing about customer reviews is, while they can be useful, cosmetic/hair care products react differently to our chemical make-up and whatnot. For example, perfume smells differently on different people's skin. So if Pantene Classic whatever you call it works for you, then use it -forget those people who don't like it!
Cheers-
Since that day I've never had Pantene in my shower.