“ Enjoy each moment for itself, don’t try to compare. Don’t wish that they were the way that they were when they were younger, or hope that they will be a certain way in the future. If you do that, you will miss enjoying the way they are right now, because they will never be exactly like this again.”

 About twenty years ago, just as I was about to embark upon the parenting gig, I had lunch with an acquaintance, slightly senior to me, John, who had a marvellously mature and warm way of talking about his children. When I asked him at what age he had enjoyed them the most, he gave me the advice above (more or less, I never wrote it down).

 I return to this thought often. It keeps my parenting centered. Though I often bask in nostalgic reflection of the sweetness of infancy and cuteness of toddlerhood, John’s words always draw me back to the moment.

 This is especially important when one or the other of the boys frustrates me with their behaviour. John’s advice reminds me that even in difficult times, I ought to look for a positive; that life is a journey; and, in particular, that my sons’ journeys are their own adventures, not mine.

 I am an observer in their lives, sometimes a participant, but if their life is a play, I am a bit player. They are the star. To stretch the analogy, their lives are improvisational theatre, and I am not the director. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I get to deliver a punch line*, not just play straight man. But the choice is theirs.

 Maybe this approach isn’t what John meant, I don’t know, but it has worked well for me. It might not work for everyone. But it HAS kept me grounded, focused on growing two excellent young men, sharing their tears and laughter; holding them close but never stifling their curiosity. Letting them be themselves. Helping them become the selves they want to be.

 Perhaps I would have approached parenting much the same way without John’s wisdom. Mommie Dearest’s way of trying to make my life all about her could have pushed me to this alternate style.** However, since hers was the only parenting I knew up close and personal, I might have fallen into the trap of trying to judge my children trying to set my expectations as theirs; damaging their self esteem by wallowing in nostalgia about how much better/nicer/funner they were when younger. So, I give John credit for his wise words, and pass them on to you.

 So, when CarolineinTO challenged me to “recall a favourite family moment with your boys, and really explore it.” As a post topic, I ended up thinking about John’s advice, and decided, even though I occasionally celebrate moments of boyish joy, accepting her dare would be engaging in risky retrospection.

 Instead, I will just treasure each moment, and share with you the Best Parenting Advice Ever.

 And in a way, I accepted Caro’s challenge, which concluded by saying “people lovvvvvvve happy stories :)”

 And my parenting has been a long happy story…

 Sure there have been bumps in the road, but, the miracle of John’s advice is that they fade quickly from memory. When I do look back, I remember adventures, games, shared learning. If I remember hard times at all, it is as a prelude to triumph, or part of the boy’s individual search for the next handhold to climb a particularly steep portion of their path. For each experience continues to remake them as the unique individuals they are, and I am constantly proud of that.

*Um, for the overly politically sensitive…a punch line is the payoff in the joke, the laugh getter. I do not hit my kids.

** can’t resist ragging on Mommie Dearest just a little. When I emailed the Dearests, safely wintering in Arizona, that lil B had a part time job; I did not specify that it was after school. I did say it was 10 to 15 hours per week, and would keep him in gas money. Figured they had raised tthree kids, have six grandkids, they understand. The Dearests’ response? “We hope that this doesn’t mean he won’t finish high school”. *sigh* always able to find the most negative possible outcome and hone right in on it, aren’t they?

But I shouldn’t complain.  I turned out great in spite of their parenting, so imagine how great my kids are, as I follow the Best Parenting Advice Ever.