No, I'm not being executed at dawn (at least not that I know of--don't think any students could be that upset about anything).
But I'm turning 30 very soon indeed, I don't fit into some of my jeans, and the man I love so much it scares me hasn't shown up here in longer than I care to think about.
Now, I do everything you're supposedly supposed to do. I eat a variety of fresh foods, with desserts in moderation, and maintain an active lifestyle. I have a decent energy level, and I feel generally healthy. What's more, I'm still significantly smaller than the average American woman.
But clearly, none of it's enough. A few years ago, I could squeeze into a size 4 on a good day, I could feel each individual vertebra in my neck when I tied my hair back or put on a necklace, I could see my ribs so well that it frankly scared me, and it was only then that I met The One and he fell for me.
I told him fairly early on that I hadn't been that good looking for most of my life, that I thought if I ever had kids I'd never recover physically, and on and on, and he kept claiming it didn't matter. Of course, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't looking fantastic, and he hasn't been back since.
It was also during this time that my Phillies and Red Sox finally won their World Series, that I got my job, and that other various impossible dreams came true.
Now what was the downside? Let's see, I had no energy, I always felt tired, I had fuzzy vision a lot of the time, my stomach hurt a good percentage of the time (as far as I can tell, an overbalance of stomach acid because I wasn't eating enough), and I never really felt well.
I've been so busy the last little while that I haven't had the energy left over to push and starve myself. And I feel healthy, and I get a lot done.
But I can't fit my smallest jeans.
And the man I love isn't here.
So starting tomorrow, I'm not going to be a total idiot about it, but I'm going to deliberately and purposefully near-starve myself.
So bring on the exhaustion, the stomach pain, the joint discomfort, the shaky hands, the fuzzy vision, and the weakness.
And maybe bring back a Commissioner's Trophy and the man I love?
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Mick Arran
Raven West
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Patrick D Hahn
Norwonk
Bill Beck
Salon.com
Comments
"So bring on the exhaustion, the stomach pain, the joint discomfort, the shaky hands, the fuzzy vision, and the weakness." .... and the lack of menses and the brittle bones and the rotten teeth and the gum disease and clumps of hair falling out and the depression and loss of mental facilities/capabilities and oh yes, the heart attacks.
A possibly better tactic might be to eat when you're hungry, and stop eating when you're full. Also keep your fluids up. A lot of people eat when they're thirsty, mistaking an empty stomach for hunger, not need for fluids.
If you want to talk, PM me, but please don't starve yourself, even for a few days. It *all* does damage, even if done very short term.
'I told him fairly early on that I hadn't been that good looking for most of my life, that I thought if I ever had kids I'd never recover physically, and on and on, and he kept claiming it didn't matter. Of course, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't looking fantastic, and he hasn't been back since.'
If he kept 'claiming' it didn't matter, perhaps it didn't. Loving someone means loving the person they love in you, the person they see in you, too. Why don't you call him and ask him why he's not around, let him tell you in his own words, if he has any you can hear. Love is complicated, it's not measured in pounds and ounces or inches, and neither are you. {{{hugs}}}
one could tell someone's parents that the other person actually existed instead of making that person sit around every single holiday by themselves.