I reasoned the only way I could continue to pay rent and eat would be to get a job as a cocktail waitress. If I was going to be in bars every night, might as well get paid to be.

 Through a policeman friend I sometimes sat next to, in one of the bars I frequented, I was introduced to the owner of a new country and western bar, Serge.   I figured he took pity and hired me on the spot.  I didn’t have any experience, but I sure knew alcohol.  The job proved to be easy one to learn.  

I slowly began to feel more upbeat about life. Serge seemed quite pleased with my work, paying me frequent compliments, something I was not accustomed to hearing.  I was making better money than as a receptionist.

He was also a good listener, as I found out. We went to breakfast together after nearly every shift, becoming much closer than just employer/employee. Late one night after the club had closed, I was sitting at a table waiting for Serge to finish doing the nightly books. Maybe I was beginning to fall in love with him. He had come along at exactly the right time, when I was at my lowest.  I didn’t feel so alone in the world now. I had Serge. I had a friend, maybe more.

By now Serge knew all about the divorce and having given up custody of my son. He knew my vulnerabilities, the wounds lying fresh and open. I felt fortunate to have him in my life, both as a boss and friend. He lavished me with attention and expected nothing in return. I did not think many men would be so patient with me when so many months passed with no mention of sex.  Still very insecure, I felt with Serge’s kindness and patience, the issue would resolve itself. I wanted to know he was not going to use then dump me. I could not handle any more rejection at this stage.

The door to Serge’s office opened. “Sheila?” He popped his head around the corner.

“I’m here.” My face lit up.

“I’m sorry love, but we’re going to have to skip breakfast. I have to drive to Reno.” Several endearing locks of hair tumbled into his eyes. He smiled that slightly crooked smiled which had, by now, totally captured my heart.

“Now?  At this hour of the morning? You’re beat, why don’t you get some sleep first?” I knew from experience the drive to Reno took about four hours.

“I would sweetheart, but I have to meet someone first thing in the morning.” He came out of his office to begin locking up the place.

“Well then—what do you say to me riding along with you? You could drop me off at the airport in Reno and I could fly back. Want some company

He was quiet for a moment, “Okay, sure. I really appreciate it. It’ll be great, just the two of us. Good idea kid.”

He opened the trunk of his El Dorado, reached into his briefcase and pulled out a bottle of pills. He opened it and sprinkled a couple into his palm, then put the bottle back and popped the pills into his mouth.

“What are those?” I’d never seen him take pills before.

“Just vitamins baby. They help when you can’t get sleep.”

Boy, maybe I should have tried some, because soon he seemed quite wide-awake, talking non-stop the whole way right through Sacramento. I was very glad I was along, the time alone with him was special and usually he was too busy with the club.  Besides, he was so talkative.

“Sheila, I have something to tell you. You may hate me for it, but I never counted on falling in love with you. Will you promise to hear me out before you say anything?”

When he said “love” I was all ears and yet... at the same time I had this awful feeling of dread slip over me.  It was the tone in his voice; his sudden seriousness coupled with he way his hand gently reached over to touch my cheek. Something was coming I wouldn’t like. I was sure of it. “I promise Serge.”  Instinctively my body went into a protective mode, arms crossed tightly across my chest as though this gesture would steel me from anything bad coming my way.

“This isn’t an easy thing to explain, to anyone—especially you. I can’t keep this hidden forever. In fact you would have found out very soon but you deserve to hear it from me first.” He took a deep breath.

“What Serge? Tell me.”

“I know we’ve only known each other a few months.  During this time we have grown very close, something I’ve avoided doing in so many years. I thought I had good reasons... until you came into my life.  With you though reasons fly out the window. You are so soft, warm and so achingly vulnerable. I want to be the man who loves and protects you from any more hurt. I know what it is to lose someone you love. I know you...and I know the loss of your son is so tragic.”

“Serge...”

“You promised to hear me out so let me finish. There’s another woman in my life right now.”

I felt the knife of his words directly in my gut. No...no...no.  “How could you?”  The words hung in the air between us.  I could barely breathe.

“Listen to me.” He demanded. “ It’s not what you think sweetheart.  Shelly has been working as a hooker for the past eight years. She is in love with me, but it’s not mutual.  Her love, if you can call it that, is a sick obsession.”

“You are telling me you don’t love her?”   He reached over with one hand to touch my arm.

“Let me stop the car.” He veered over to a rest stop, pulled in and turned off the engine.

“Come here, let me hold you.”  I sat there unable to move glaring at him in disbelief. “Hun, she devoted the past few years of her life to.... pleasing me. To be honest, at first I enjoyed her attention. But soon I discovered I was in real financial trouble. The bar was always somewhat successful, but I wanted it to be more.”  His eyes were pleading with me to hear him out.

“Go on.”

“With that in mind I moved the club where it is now. The problem is nobody’s interested in going to a county and western club when all the other clubs have live entertainment, names like Tower of Power. The place I bought with such high hopes turned out to be a real loser. The former owner left huge unpaid bills I didn’t know about until it was too late.  Trying to do the right thing wiped me out financially. Frankly, it was all I could do to make ends meet. That is when I really became desperate, and Shelly knew how bad things were.”

This was so surreal, listening to his story stuck out in the middle of no-where; listening to this man I believed I could trust talking about a side of him I could never have imagined. 

“Then she just showed up at the bar one day with a paper bag full of money. She plopped it down on the bar and said to remodel the place. There was fifteen thousand dollars in cash in that bag!”  He seemed to expect a reaction but  I sat in stunned silence.  “I was so shocked sweetheart; probably feeling about like you do now yet... I accepted the money. She understood the big dream. In return, since I couldn’t pay her back, I made her a full partner in the bar. In hindsight it may have been stupid, yet if it hadn’t been for Shelly, my dream would have died and worse, I never would have come to love you.”

I struggled trying to process what he was saying.

“I’m still far from being in the clear, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You can’t believe for a minute that I’m in love with her; I feel gratitude, and obligation, that’s all. Now, she thinks all she has is us, and the club.  Where does a twenty-eight year old hooker go? She adores being a partner in the club, she sees it as her only future. I can’t turn my back on her now.”

Anger was seeping into my voice, “Can I ask you something? How come I’ve never met her—if she’s your partner at the club?”

“Fair question. She spends most of her time outside of Reno, in a brothel called Mustang Ranch. It is legal there.”

“Really. I had no idea prostitution was legal in the United States.”

 “Yeah, a county in Nevada outside of Reno recently legalized prostitution.  I’ll pick her up from the brothel and bring her back to Oakland. She’ll be there for a week.  You’ll meet her tomorrow night. Try to understand I won’t be able to spend time alone with you while she’s there. I feel a sense of... loyalty to Shelly, but I am in love with you.” 

After what had seemed a lifetime, I finally spoke in a voice barely audible, “Well that’s some story Serge. I will not pretend I’m not shocked, angry and hurt.  I mean how could you have led me on for this long? I was falling in love with you, yet... I don’t really know you.” I rolled down my window in hopes the chilly morning air could bring a sense of reality to the situation.  As though anything could at that point. Serge put his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.  I stiffened as he kissed my wet cheek. I faced him. “Serge, what is it you want from me?”  Now I could see there were tears streaming down his face too.

“I have exactly what I want from you, love.  I don’t want to lose it.” He kissed me.

I was thinking, I don’t want to lose you either. I won’t lose you.

 I thought about everything on the flight home, breaking it off with Serge, quitting my job,  but my curiosity about this other woman was undeniable. The next night at work I was introduced to Shelly; she looked tough, yet was very sweet to me. She seemed to go out of her way to be friendly and helpful. It was difficult not to like her.  She was not at all the monster I conjured in my brain.  She even extended an invitation to join her and Serge at a Giant’s football game.

I decided to go with them. It was the day Ed and my son were moving back to Hawaii. I desperately needed a diversion to keep me from thinking about it. Shelly and I got very drunk and on the way back we were stuck in a horrible traffic jam. Despite Serge’s best effort, I totally missed taking Ed and Mike to the airport as I had promised. This led to a deep sense of guilt and disappointment so commanding I no longer cared about anything. I was as low as I ever had been.

Serge and Shelly were masters, preying on the considerable, obvious vulnerabilities I had. With their manipulation and encouragement I spun out of my control and ended up in theirs. Within a matter of days I was in Serge’s underground parking garage at six in the morning, loading my suitcase in his trunk.  Along with Shelly I was going to Mustang Ranch as the newest partner in their club, and as a hooker-in-training.

Part Four (this part)