A direct result of sharing some of my memories within blogs, some wonderful things have occurred. I have touched people and I have been touched back. I never really understood how far reaching these entries could be.
As a woman who never sat still for very long, I have a long string of pearls in the jewelry box of my mind. Each one represents someone I had the opportunity to get to know. Each one touching me in some way; some were a grain of sand irritating until each layer of nacre built up, smoothing over the rough spots slowly, with time. Still others were nearly fully formed, needing only to be polished up then added to the strand. I am rich if you can judge a person by the length of their pearls.
Every once and awhile I discover I have touched one of the "pearls" I keep. Recently I was given a glimpse of me as a young woman; someone else was using his string of pearls.
I would like to share this “pearl” shared with me some 40 years later through excerpted parts of a letter I received recently:
"I was in my garage looking though hundreds of pictures, trying to figure out what do to with all these pictures. They go back over 40 years of knowing so many artists that I have worked with. Lo and behold (I never know what that phrase really means) I found a picture of a very sweet young girl sitting up against a wall looking somewhat lost, staring down with a glance off to the side. On the back of the picture it says:
My dearest friend,
I have enjoyed you, as nobody else, and will remember the relationship we had as a unique and wonderful privilege. I am hoping your life will have what it takes to bring you all the success you desire. I will help in anyway I can!
Love,
Sheila
Why did I save this picture? Why was I rather sad just now when I found the picture? It brought back many, many memories. This picture and the words you wrote so very many years ago made me sad for many reasons. I always felt I never treated you as nicely as I should have. I was never mean to you that I know of. As I look back at that picture and remember our time together more now. I knew then that I liked you a great deal and always had a hard time expressing it then. You were so full of life, love and honesty; you were the most refreshing girl I had ever known at that time. I have always had a hard time expressing my true feelings, but with you it was even harder for me. I got more from you than I gave and I swear to you, this has always bothered me over the years.
This picture made me stop and think about what happened to us and why it happened the way it happened. Why didn't it go further? You will always be one of the most treasured loves of my life. This picture made me realize how special you were in my life, how sweet and wonderful you were and still are. I was not ready for anyone as giving and as open as you were when we first knew each other. In many ways I was very immature and you were the strong bright one. I thought I knew it all, but I knew nothing..."
*****
I have a reason for sharing such an intimate letter with you. Sometimes when you look back on your life, you filter out things about yourself, or maybe you never even saw them in the first place. This reminded me that I have not changed all that much, just packed some more life experiences under my belt.
In fact, just today I received an email notification from someone I don’t even know, but they wanted to tell me my “then and now” photo on the Classmate site inspired them to write a blog entry mentioning me. Sure enough he did. We happened to have gone to the same schools, just four years apart.
I find myself relying on my "string of pearls" much more these days. So when I receive a "pearl" back, illuminating for me how another remembers me or how I have inspired them, it is a restorative moment. I say restorative because through this telling of my story (often sharing darker sides of my youth) this allows me to also share in the good parts I am sometimes too close to. Through these shared “pearls” I can see I did leave a mark just as they did for me.
The pearls in my mind
Are free for you to explore
Take one--leave one please.
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DeliaBlack
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Comments
It's always startling to me to hear memories I'd forgotten later recounted by a long lost friend. There's a certain reassurance in receiving verification that you are not only sensitive to others, but others are sensitive to you too.
I have taken some of your pearls. I shall endeavor to leave you with some.
--rated--for a poetic memoir
love this.
I guess I have a rope or two, which I wear now and then, as well.
This is a perfect example of the beauty of aging gracefully.
Buffy, thank you for the pearls you hand out, in your posts and comments, all over OS; it doesn't surprise me that you hand them out all over the world.
Lovely post. Thank you.
Just Cathy—Thank you for your comment.
Lollygagger—Yes, he made me weepy too. You are so right.
Mr.M—I shall take them all, thank you.
Steve—I had not thought of OS in this way, but yes!
Shivaun—You are so very kind to say so.
Duaneart—You leave pearls always.
Mothership—I’m amazed by our similarities!
Littlewillie—Aww, you are sweet.
Eva—I wish she were around too. It is all perspective I find, goodness knows I have a dump too, but I really prefer to find something good in the dump.
MAWB—I hope people will use it as an open call.
Sourie—Yes, it is astounding how many times!
Trig—It ismy pleasure, and you have many too as I have seen.
Zuma—You are welcome, your posts do this for me often.
From the Midwest—I bet you have a necklace! Thank you.
Life—Yes, and you have let me know in so many ways. I feel the same.
JK—Thank you, I wish you good digging!
Hello—Thank you, looking forward to getting to know yours better.
Theodora—I see your pearls in your posts, I’m happy they are near for you.
John—Thank you for stopping in. You’ve changed your avatar again...lovely.
Mary—Thank you. Your posts often move me.
Michael—I couldn’t let Thursday go by without aHaiku. I’m pulling them out, seems there is never enough time, lol.
Sally—Thank you for your ever-generous comments.
Lea—Yes, I know you have several long strands. Thank you.
Owl—You are a very kind and loving soul, thank you.
Fireyes—We all leave something behind here, and I always enjoy yours too.
Artfish—I have admired so much of what you do, it was a pleasure to leave something with you. I trust we will see some of your jewelry one day.
I would like to add that I appreciate each one of you who have left me a “pearl” of your friendship and acceptance by stopping by in the few months since I joined OS...I feel very welcomed by all of you. Thank you so much!
Kisses, girl.
Rated