I know I have been somewhat optimistic here, and metaphorical...but dying is difficult enough without sharing every detail.  I shared what I could at the time.

I have so many things I want to say now and share with you, but I need time.  I don't think it is quite real for… Read full post »

Because I Love You.

Because I love you I let you go.  To have done anything else would be unbearably selfish.  You taught me the true meaning of selflessness. 

Because I love you I’ll be crying off and on, seemingly out of the blue, but I know the tears… Read full post »

The longing for sex

means I am still very much here

even though you aren't.

****

Do you get enough?  Sex I mean... I know I don’t.  Of course there might be a good reason I don’t.  I’m just having trouble thinking what it is.  Hah-hah...… Read full post »

I have only three men in my life, and one died nearly a month ago.  The other two are a tale of things opposite, yet ending up the same, if only for a few days.

Back near the end of April my son confessed to us he was… Read full post »

Sunday I got hungry.  I was all showered and dressed and it was 12:15.  I decided I would drive to Ventura to poke around and discover a restaurant I hadn't eaten in before.  It felt like a good time to call my friend Brett and  be spontaneous...asking him to join… Read full post »

Yesterday I scattered my husband’s ashes.  I had them over a week and only managed to lose them for a few hours. (Remember, you heard it here first.)  They were on my mantle, just awaiting “the feeling”...when I would know, in my gut, it w… Read full post »

Granted, this part of the vows is not as optimistic as, “For richer or poorer”, but they both are in the same statement we swear to when we get married.

For many women (and hopefully men, but I won’t be so presumptuous here), when we take those vows this… Read full post »

To ignore things you have to be heavy into denial.  If you are spending that much time and effort to deny something, then you are going to miss the point.  There is no time for denial, only acceptance.  For when we accept that the choice is ours,… Read full post »

Sitting in CCU gives you plenty of time to think.  It’s odd, the last time I had this much time to think was a year and a half ago when my husband had his open heart surgery.  There are huge differences between then and now though.

 … Read full post »

It was merely eleven days ago I did a posting on my son’s forty second birthday, celebrating his now clean and sober life for the past four years. 

That was then, les… Read full post »

All we wanted was to begin a family, our own family.  Due to my husband’s disease and the probability of passing it on, we thought adoption was the best way to go.  We thought there are so many children without homes, surely we could find one to come into our… Read full post »

I am not going to put on my victim coat, it’s way too heavy for the heat.  How’s that for an entrance line?

The trouble with going away on hiatus is that you feel like when you come back people expect some brilliant musings.  I don’t honestly know if… Read full post »

Don’t sleep with people you see on TV if you never want to see them again.

It’s no secret I have had some sex....okay, lots of sex.  But having good sex, in my opinion, takes years of practice.  (Smile.)  A great deal of practice. (Bigger smile.)  It is a good… Read full post »

When people say “truth is stranger than fiction”...well, they know it to be true.  I now add my voice to the mix.

I realize I haven’t written in a week or so, at least for public consumption.  Sometimes it takes a few days to be able to fil… Read full post »

What do you do when you are a successful writer/producer/songwriter, a highly visible actor, or a world champion boxer and have come down with a disease in the prime of your life?  

Well, in the case of Mark Solomon, he did what any guy would do--he grabbed… Read full post »

Since I am on the topic of dancing, I was encouraged  to tell you about the last dance I ever had with Lance.  Yesterday happened to have been the two month anniversary since my love died, so it isn’t surprising between my dance post and the memories I would have… Read full post »

When I was pregnant with my son my mother and I had a ritual at lunchtime;  we would make ourselves lunch and sit down in front of the television to watch the s… Read full post »

Wednesday, August 26, 2009. 

What a day.  You couldn’t make this shit up.  I went to the hospital again this morning  Now my love has blue feet and hands.  I walked into the room and was immediately cold to the bone.  For the first time in weeks I was feelin… Read full post »

Is there much more of a frustrating time in life than when you have to stand by and watch a child or spouse going through a horrible illness?   I can’t think of one.

The sick person is sick.  The person(s) watching over you, taking care of… Read full post »

It all began last year when I was writing a series chronicling 30 years of my life, beginning at the age of 10.  When I got to the early 60’s I began to think of my childhood friend Kathy.  She and I had been thick as thieves, almost from the day… Read full post »

Yesterday I had an “astrologer” give me a reading.  Why?  I happen to have a spare $25 I wanted to donate to a worthy cause; the 75 year old, who should spend it on a hair dye (or to get a haircut at the absolute minimum) lady from Europe, just trying… Read full post »

My heart is full, even overflowing with the memories of love my husband lavished on me in creative ways.

I share myself, my experiences, because I am a writer, observer, but what is even more important is the realization I am a participator in this thing we call… Read full post »

“So, you knew my husband....” but you don't know me.

Hardly a day goes by without some meeting about the businesses I’ve been suddenly thrust into.  They are usually meetings with men.  I don’t mean with my brother-in-law.  I mean with other… Read full post »

"You and I are going for a drive."  Mother said in her matter-of-no-choice tone.  Ironically the place she chose, the beach parking lot, was the exact place I had gott… Read full post »