I am learning to be honest and direct. I have always been honest, but not always forthcoming. Honesty was valued to a fault in my family. As each of four siblings became twelve, my father insisted on paying the adult price of the movie and insisted that we pay the adult price even if we went by ourselves using our quarter weekly allowance.
"What is the price of your integrity? A quarter? $50? $500? You may lose your money, your health, your freedom, but it is your choice to lose your integrity," my father's voice comes to me.
What I wonder is, did I sell my integrity for a moment of fame? When I posted my experience of having a bipolar daughter, was it ethical? Some of the comments said in essence, "No, that is wrong." My younger daughter, a professional writer said it was descriptive and non-judgemental so it was okay. But I couldn't sleep. In the end, I caved to my own disfunction, but not without first copying the post and all of the wonderful (and not so wonderful) discussion to my Page files.
I wanted to ask someone at the Editors desk, who had chosen it as an Editors Pick, what was the right thing to do? To leave my from the heart, honest post about my problems with my daughter and with myself out for all to see and just weather the storm, or to delete it? I was so honored and touched with the responders, and I didn't think of them wanting to go back and check the post. I am new to this sort of thing. I know there are ethics involved, there are norms, but I don't understand what they are. So I was caught in an ethical delima. To destroy something others thought valuable or to retire it from the blog. I am still torn about it. I know that others need to know the challenges of growing up with mental illness, if for no other reason then to be able to touch someone else who feels alone. I can only share my experiences...but they are extensive, both with myself and my loved ones.
I grew up with rules, so I always try to find the rule that I should apply to my current issue. If there isn't one, I make one up. I have found that I need a new set of rules for the internet. Words are so powerful, and once leashed on cyber-space they can be deadly, and thoroughly desiminated.
One rule I came up with long ago when writing angry letters was: Let the letter sit a minimum of 24 hours before actually sending it. By that time I have usually come to my senses and just put it into my daily journals.
What I want to know is what are the new rules for the internet?
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Comments
I have been away and didn't read the post, but I believe that if you felt good about the piece when you wrote it and felt good enough about it to publish it, then you should stand by your writing. There's always going to be someone who disagrees with you, but really, who are any of us to judge anyone elses motives for what or how they write. Go with your gut, though. If you need it down, take it down ... the only person you have to please is yourself. :) big hug!!!
I think everybody has a different comfort zone. I'm not comfortable putting pictures up with my friends/family. I'm not comfortable using real people's names, unless I'm talking about someone in the media. I keep in mind that anyone in the world who can google can read me, and so there is a lot of stuff I just don't feel comfortable writing about. But then others get a lot of relief reading of the difficult times of others. All I can say is, "search for your comfort zone." It may not be as far on the "truth" continuum as others go, or it may be farther.
Deborah, It is interesting that the "man" in Washington DC do not use email. I think that for transparency's sake, email would be a really good idea. It is just if you have something to hide that it could be a problem, I would think.
OE, I like your simple statement. I think you're right.
Corgi, I had a very pure intent, I believe. My intent was as you said, to share, to unload and seek opinions. It was not to 'be famous.' That part of it came as a total surprise. I found that I was taken aback with even tiny "fame" part of that blog. I am used to blogging, but not used to having strangers read my blogs. I mostly blog for catharsis and practice.
1_Mother, Thanks for the hug! I appreciate that. I believe I did follow my conscience on that particular blog. I felt better after I did it, but still wondered if I committed a faux pax.
Voicegal, I did not discuss the post with the person it was about. And I did not use her name. I would have been much more comfortable about it if I had not used my own name and general location in my blog. I know there are pluses and minuses about using your own name. When I set it up intially, I didn't really know how to set it up with a pseudonym, so my own name defaulted. I've wondered if I should redo the blog under a pseudonym.
JK--I do think we need to talk about ethics in writing/journalism. I like the Buddhist, "Cause no harm," which is easier said than done.
MB, it is nice to have a place to share your innermost thoughts and stories. Especially when there are such wonderful writers here!
E.B. White tells us that candor--honesty--is the basic ingredient of the personal essay. If one cannot be candid--if one is inclined to write only what will earn the approval of others or meet successfully with the trite received opinions that they hold--then better not to publish anything. But I question whether in that case the writer can even be honest with themselves in private. Perhaps in some cases yes. But they ought to be asking themselves all the time whether they are being honest with themselves or only writing for some imaginary reader whose approval they crave.